Argh Inlaws - am I being ungrateful??

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I think that they did it because they were determined to give you time to rest, cry or just sit down and not carry on regardless. Some people will throw themselves into a flurry of activity and don't allow themselves to stop until days, weeks or months later, they crumble. Which they obviously don't want because they care about you.

So they probably opted for the boat because they thought it would be better for you. Out of love.


Now, that doesn't mean you are being ungrateful - but they were trying to do the right thing, even if they have missed the mark.

I'd suggest leaving it a bit longer, as your hormone levels have changed so dramatically over a short period of time and will still be having an effect, then be very gentle and say thank you, it was very kind, but you were quite sad that you didn't get to be with him when you had planned, as it was something you really wanted to do. But you know they were doing it to help, and thank you again. If they are huggy people, give them a hug and then put the kettle on.


It's a sad thing to happen and everybody is different in how they react, but there really doesn't seem to be anything intrinsically wrong in what they tried to do; it just wasn't right for you.

So, I do think you are right in not 'liking' what they did, but they were right in trying to help.

justme111

Can be sorted. Next time they offer to have him say that would been great but you.can not because you have this and that planned for after. It will dawn on them.

Mojisola

pinkshoes wrote: »

We're moving in with them soon for a few months!!!!

If this is going to work, you need to be able to communicate well with them.

apesxx

Maybe they thought you was doing too much, especially with the parents evening as well so thought they were doing you a favour by keeping DS all day so you could relax after the hospital app.

DevilsAdvocate1

I also think your in-laws were trying to do the right thing. However, I remember when I had my last miscarriage I just wanted to cuddle up with my toddler, though everyone seemed to want to take him off my hands.

Look after yourself.

raindropsy

Yes, you sound very ungrateful (sorry, but you need to hear it from someone, not a criticism but a gentle reminder), but do not beat yourself up about it and you probably would not realize it unless you lived miles away without any help at all. Please be great full if anyone offers to have your child and spends nice time with them. I would be in heaven, but wasn't so lucky as you are. It may seem important to you now to spend every 5 minutes with your boy, but you can reschedule your play time or your cuddly time for another time, you have him every day. But you cannot guarantee that the grand parents will ever offer to have a nice time with your child again as it is not their duty, but kind love, which is not for everybody.
I would kiss my kids grandma feet if she ever offered, but she has better things to do with her life! My oldest is 19 and they never took them anywhere or give them anything just like that ( even though they have the money). You are one lucky lady to have grandparents that are interested in your boy. I wish you all the best x

System

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I also think your in-laws were trying to do the right thing. However, I remember when I had my last miscarriage I just wanted to cuddle up with my toddler, though everyone seemed to want to take him off my hands.

Look after yourself.

When I had my miscarriage I just wanted to curl up into a ball and stay in bed. As much as I loved my children, I needed that time for me.

Just shows how hard it is to gauge how someone is feeling when faced with the same situation.

pollypenny

I find MSE posters quite amazing. It's clear that many grandparents play an important role in child care, as do many of my friends.

However, there seem to be regular threads criticising the grandparents., rarely praise or thanks.

I'd have loved to have my mother nearby when my two were little. They've have learned a lot from her, not to forget my father. My in-laws weren't interested in us or their grandchildren.

OP should count herself lucky, especially as she is going to live with them, causing some disruption, I imagine.

pinkshoes

pollypenny wrote: »

I find MSE posters quite amazing. It's clear that many grandparents play an important role in child care, as do many of my friends.

However, there seem to be regular threads criticising the grandparents., rarely praise or thanks.

I'd have loved to have my mother nearby when my two were little. They've have learned a lot from her, not to forget my father. My in-laws weren't interested in us or their grandchildren.

OP should count herself lucky, especially as she is going to live with them, causing some disruption, I imagine.

This is nothing to do with the grandparents role.

DS sees both sets of grandparents regularly (even though my parents live a 3 hour drive away) and has a very good relationship with them.

I am cross because they insisted on having him, when i was more than happy to take him with me (which he would have loved!), then broke the agreement to have him home by 3pm when they knew i had plans. AGAIN.

I am sure they were trying to be helpful, but they are proving to be unreliable and stressful rather than a help.

I have learned my lesson, and in future will only let them take him out if i have no other plans that day, as they cannot be trusted with time keeping.

Other parents might be ok with their child being returned much later than planned, but i find it very stressful!

I am not trying to cause disruption. I just hate it when people cant stick to plans that are agreed.

FBaby

I'm with you with the issue of planning especially when dealing with people who are retired and have plenty of time. However I know they it is just because we have a different notion of time due to our different circumstances. Like you it annoys me when they don't sick to agreed time but I think they consider me to be stressful with my expectations that we should stick to a strict schedule.

As you've said either don't mention them having your son when you've made plans and/or make sure you are very clear about timings giving reasons why they need to stick to them.