Argh Inlaws - am I being ungrateful??

System

your forgetting.... what if they had found something when they checked you over that meant you needed to stay in hospital? What would you have done with your son then? What about the play date?

lulu_92

Judi wrote: »

your forgetting.... what if they had found something when they checked you over that meant you needed to stay in hospital? What would you have done with your son then? What about the play date?

Just de lurking to say that this point is irrelevant as it never came to that thank goodness. Cancelling a play date for a medical emergency is totally different to having to change it because someone else hasn't been considerate of other plans.

I think you're perfectly right to be annoyed. I hope you guys can all work it out when you're all under 1 roof

Slowdown

Hi
I think it might be time to get over this one and move on.
You live in their house and I suspect the lines have become a bit blurred. He is their grandson and I suspect they love him to bits. They probably have quite a lot to do with him on an informal basis if you are in the same house together, shared meals perhaps, shared.leisure time, goodnight kisses. How could the lines not get blurred. To have a grandchild in front of your nose everyday maybe makes you feel like to have part responsibility.

Maybe if you didn't share a house and your lives so closely there wouldn't be quite the same familiarity. Maybe it's easier to keep people at arms length if they have to prearrangethe visit in your own home some distance away.

I know that in the grand scheme of things this is small fry. So it irritated. So it may have been inconsiderate. So it may have been well intentioned. Whatever it was I would suggest you move on. Life has more to offer than this.
Kind regards
Slowdown

pickledonionspaceraider

Wow ....OP, this really is not a big deal. You had to change your plans that is all - try and see the bigger picture rather than focusing on the miniscule

Unless the museum has now closed down - it will be there another day. An afternoon in a museum will be a fun autumn activity, whereas a boat ride is more fair weather activity

It does sound like your in laws have yours and LO's best interests at heart, and might have felt you could do with some time to yourself? I think you are being a little harsh on them. You do need some time to yourself and I am sorry for your miscarrage

seven-day-weekend

Let me get this straight.

Your in-laws happily look after your child for you and decide to give him a fun day out on their boat and you're grizzling about it?

So you think they should not go out on the boat because you want to take him out for an hour and a half and then he will go back to theirs? They should hang around all day, putting their own plans on hold, awaiting this?

Yes, you're being ungrateful.

Marisco

duchy wrote: »

Like telling her she makes you feel like the hired help ?

Sorry but I think the attacks on the OP are uncalled for.
She doesn't ask the grandparents to babysit whilst she works he's at nursery and they deliberately and knowingly sabotaged her plans for the day- simply because they wanted to.
That is just plain rude and inconsiderate.
I wonder had she rolled up an hour earlier than arranged and took him home if they would have thought that was OK- surely it's the same thing?

You really think they sat there and plotted and planned how to make things difficult for the DIL? Christ get a grip! Mountains and molehills are the words that come to mind here!

lulu_92

Judi wrote: »

It could have been relevant though. With several of my pregnancies I was admitted into hospital after my antenatal. A friend of mine had a miscarriage and upon a check up a large amount of fetal 'matter' was still retained. She was kept in overnight and given surgery the next day as she was bleeding heavily and in pain.

If I'd have taken my children with me I would have had to phone people to collect them and arrange childcare. As it was, I'd looked ahead and put those strategies in place just in case it happened (as it did, twice with my middle son).

Yes a play date is easy enough to cancel but childcare isn't. Still, I suspect the OP would have expected the Grandparents to dropped everything then.

Yes but it wasn't relevant. If anything had happened at the hospital it would be a completely different situation and I'm sure when she found out they went on the boat she would have the attitude of "well that's lucky because I'm going to be here for a while"

Of course childcare isn't easy to cancel but when there are pre-established plans put in place by the parent it is not up to anyone else whether those plans are adhered to.

I'm sure she is very grateful for the help from her inlaws - as will I when my time comes to have children but I too would be rather miffed if this situation happened to me (I also would be sad about not spending any of a day off with my own child)

I do think OP needs to talk to them about this and say calmly that they're all going to be living together soon and tensions will rise if things aren't sorted out. In laws need to be conscious of other people and any plans they have - if they are volunteering to babysit they should adhere to these pre-planned appointments and plans, unless of course it was more of a "we'll look after DS for the day, we really want to take him to XYZ" but I doubt that was the case here with what OP is saying.

Like I said earlier, I hope everything can be sorted out before the move.

System

Well all I can say is "don't burn your bridges". Grandparents have feelings too.

GobbledyGook

I think some of those getting on at the OP should remember that not all Grandparents are as nice as pie.

It's not the first time they've disregarded the discussion about when the child was to be collected. They also, potentially, gave their DIL the stress of cancelling/rearranging plans which she didn't need on an already tough day. Is that fair? (She may also have been looking forward to the chance to talk to her friend).

The fact they are going to be living together soon means the lines need to be set otherwise it has the potential to explode if the grandparents are the type who have little or no regard to what the parent says. That kind of situation can lead to resentment very quickly.

pollypenny

I also can't help think that Pink Shoes must have been like a whirling dervish that day:
Hospital, travelling by public transport, play date, back home, then a Parents' Evening for which she would have to prepare, presumably.

I always needed a period of calm before Parents' Evenings.