Argh Inlaws - am I being ungrateful??

thorsoak

duchy wrote: »

Like telling her she makes you feel like the hired help ?

Sorry but I think the attacks on the OP are uncalled for.
She doesn't ask the grandparents to babysit whilst she works he's at nursery and they deliberately and knowingly sabotaged her plans for the day- simply because they wanted to.
That is just plain rude and inconsiderate.
I wonder had she rolled up an hour earlier than arranged and took him home if they would have thought that was OK- surely it's the same thing?

I think you have mixed me up with another poster - at no time have I ever - or would ever - accuse to any of my beloved DiLs as thinking of me as "the hired help". When I fly to look after my grandchildren, either in Europe or USA, we talk through plans, appointments etc. I make suggestions which are either welcomed or turned down - they know their children far better than I. I appreciate the time spent with my children and their children, they appreciate the fact that I give up my time to come and help when necessary. I do it with love - and that's how they receive it.

However I do know that as a family we are lucky and not everybody is as fortunate with their relatives and relations.

lulu_92

thorsoak wrote: »

they know their children far better than I.

That really stuck out to me regarding this thread and I think some people need to remember this.

HPoirot

If I were asked as a favour to give up my day to look after a child, I would have found it immeasurably rude to be required to hand them back for an hour then take them back in again. I would have suggested getting hired help who would be paid to watch the clock.

lulu_92

HPoirot wrote: »

If I were asked as a favour to give up my day to look after a child, I would have found it immeasurably rude to be required to hand them back for an hour then take them back in again. I would have suggested getting hired help who would be paid to watch the clock.

OP never asked, they offered, which allows OP to fit that around her pre-established schedule.

System

lulu_92 wrote: »

OP never asked, they offered, which allows OP to fit that around her pre-established schedule.

In that case, if timing was of an importance, maybe she should have just said no. After all he would have enjoyed the ambulances and the bus ride.

lulu_92

Judi wrote: »

In that case, if timing was of an importance, maybe she should have just said no.

Oh I agree with that, but she said yes, expecting some consideration from her in-law, which is completely understandable.

I can't help but feel that if this was a post that was about a separated couple not the inlaws people would be responding differently

seven-day-weekend

lulu_92 wrote: »

Oh I agree with that, but she said yes, expecting some consideration from her in-law, which is completely understandable.

I can't help but feel that if this was a post that was about a separated couple not the inlaws people would be responding differently

I wouldn't have replied differently.

Although it IS different, the separated parents each have a duty to look after their child, the Grandparent's don't have a duty to look after grandchildren, they were doing it as a favour. If the OP didn't want them to do anything else while she was indisposed, she should have refused. Especially as she was interrupting their day for the sake of ninety minutes in the middle of it.

OP,, I do sympathise with your indisposition and hope you are feeling better soon.

thorsoak

I would image that there were a lot of assumptions made by both parties in the original scenario- the inlaws assumed that the OP would appreciate their help in taking LO for the whole day - and the OP assumed that they would know that the Play Date was important for the OP, if not for the child.

Definite mountain out of molehill.

HPoirot

lulu_92 wrote: »

OP never asked, they offered, which allows OP to fit that around her pre-established schedule.

It is still a favour, and it is still rude. That's IMO though and I appreciate you have different perceptions to me.

I sincerely hope OP is fretting over a missed playdate only because she is hormonal.

lulu_92

HPoirot wrote: »

It is still a favour, and it is still rude. That's IMO though and I appreciate you have different perceptions to me.

I sincerely hope OP is fretting over a missed playdate only because she is hormonal.

Oh yeah, that's the greatness of this forum is the different perspectives (and the curse of it too!)

I think I'd be upset about missing the playdate because I personally hate letting people down and cancelling on people!

Everyone is different though