What on earth do we do??

DavidF

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

"Why don't you go and play in the garden?"

or

"Why not ask your mum to take you to the park?" which is followed by a few minutes of "Mum, can we go to the park?" until said mum obliges.

Are you the lodger ? lol:D:eek:

HPoirot

OP he is your hubby's long term friend and hubby wants him gone asap. I am not quite sure why you want him to hang on?

Also I do not quite understand your thought processes where you say if you hadn't helped him out he wouldn't be in this situation. Really??!! How much more do you want to do for him? It's not as if he is your child or anything.

What is stopping you from reclaiming you house and your family, it seems all you are doing now is to hover nervously while he shooes your children out of the house and indulges in a little "right back atcha" if you suggest he cleans or whatever. Maybe you are too much of a doormat and he can't resist taking maximum advantage of that?

Apologies for coming across as a little cross but if I were you I would let hubby get on with having him gone. If you are still dithering over whether you are "doing right by him", I would remind myself that if you can find vacancies in spareroom.com in your area, then so can he.

pickledonionspaceraider

Riversong wrote: »

Sorry to trouble you all but you have been very supportive and helpful before.

I need some advice regarding a friend. He has moved in temporarily as a "lodger" with no formal agreement, while he finds his feet and finds a place. We estimated 6-12 months then he leaves.

Thing is he has been here a while now and I have concerns. He is very inconsiderate and doesn't help out housework wise, despite my struggling through it having just had recent surgery. He has offered to help conveniently just as I am finishing.

Also he does not consider my children, when he gets annoyed with them instead of retreating to his room he gets snappy with them (they are toddlers) and he is always trying to push them out of the house. Suggesting they go places when honestly sometimes the children just want to slob in their pajamas.

Hubby has said he wants him gone asap, I can't help thinking we took him in, he has no where else to go now, parents are deceased and he can't go back to his old rented place. So we are making him homeless, but his lack of considerarion is driving me up the wall! I do want my house back.

Also he is very contrary, I ask him to do something and he does the opposite, I feel like im parenting a naughty teen sometimes.

What do we do? Help!!

I haven't read all the thread -

I would give him a months notice. and stick to it.

His issues are not your responsibility - he needs to go ASAP

This man is imposing on your family - it is not healthy

Person_one

Malcnascar wrote: »

I have speak with my neighbour as often as I can but she knows that if I do as you suggest this may get her daughter in to "bother" As with a lot of people being manipulated there is a reluctance to take action, often the reason abusers get away with it and of course the state needs their support to take action.

Call the helpline on the website I posted.

bargainbetty

I had a lodger who initially was quite good and then descended into not helping, making me feel uncomfortable etc, to a point where I was working late rather than go home. My friends gave me a good shaking about it (verbally) and this was the upshot.

Lodger was sat down and given ground rules: suggestions for you:

Don't like kid noise? Go to your room or get out of the house.
Do not suggest that the kids need to go out, or employ pester power. No more games of 'why don't you?'
Don't like TV choices? Go to your room or go out for the evening.
Kids are not to be chastised by lodger unless setting fire to his trouser legs.
Fair share of cleaning/chores
Fair contribution to food and electric costs at minimum
No remote control ownership - not your house.

Notice period - one month. Let him know that the arrangement has not been as comfortable as you had all hoped, largely because of differing expectations. He wants to live like a solo male, you are a couple with kids. Place a few ads for shared homes with other solo males in front of him, and tell him to get phoning. He needs to recognise that what he wants and what he can get are different things, and that he has to work his way up to them.

You have the option of seeing how the ground rules work - it may be that with a definite statement of how inconsiderate he is being (he may genuinely not see that he is having such an impact) and a set of rules for moving forward allow you to have him there for longer. However, the simple starting point is this:

Your house. Your home. Your kids' home. Your rules.

Gavin83

bargainbetty wrote: »

I had a lodger who initially was quite good and then descended into not helping, making me feel uncomfortable etc, to a point where I was working late rather than go home. My friends gave me a good shaking about it (verbally) and this was the upshot.

What were they doing to make you feel uncomfortable?

dandelionclock30

To the OP, there are Homeless hostels he can go to and each city will have a homeless team who can give him information about accessing these. I'd tell him he had a week and thats it.There are workers attached to hostels who can help him find accomodation.

BigAunty

Some homeless hostels accept self-referrels but I got the impression that most don't and only accept people sent there by the council, social services or similar.

summerspring

I wouldn't recommend a homeless hostel. The spareroom.com website looks a better bet.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I was never what you'd call a good parent, but if somebody staying in my house through my generosity shouted at my cat, never mind my kids, the only notice he'd be getting was my opening the upstairs window before he went headfirst out of it.