What on earth do we do??

Riversong

?.........

Mojisola

Both of you have a talk with him, tell him you helped out when he needed it but now he needs to find somewhere else to live and give him a month or so notice.

There's no need for him to be homeless - there will be plenty of rooms available in shared houses.

4nnabella

Give him notice and tell him to leave. He is (I am assuming) an adult, and therefore responsible for himself. Is he contributing financially? How long has he been with you so far? Has he made any efforts to find somewhere else to live?

The fact he has nowhere else to go (at the moment) is not your problem. If it was me I'd be telling him it's not working out and giving him a week's notice. (edit - maybe a week is a bit harsh... depends how much effort he's put in to finding somewhere else to live up to now...)

duchy

You say......

John we need to let you know that it is time for you to move on as this was only ever a temporary arrangement and it really isn't working for us as a family anymore.

He's had plenty of time to look and hasn't so let him know you expect him to move out within the month. I'd suggest you both tell him together- presenting a united front rather than your husband expecting you to do it (the big wuss )

dimestorediamond

I second everyone else, give him a month to sort something out and be firm.

elsien

"If you want to continue to stay here, these are the expectation we have :"
List of jobs and frequency etc.
And a clear understanding that it's your children's home so their needs come first. He has his own room if he doesn't want to be around them.

Whose friend was he, and who agreed he could stay, as thats probably who needs to have the conversation.
Does he work or is he underfoot all day - that could be another house rule, about giving your family its own space.

Errata

Also he does not consider my children, when he gets annoyed with them instead of retreating to his room he gets snappy with them (they are toddlers)

Bluntly - are you mad? Lodgers are like dogs, one snap and they go straight to the rehoming centre.

tea_lover

Why would it take him 6-12 months to sort himself out?

Is he making an effort to find work or housing? If he is, and it's just (ha!) his attitude around the house that's bothering you I'd sit him down and lay down some rules. Make it clear that this is home for your children and he is expected to pull his weight in terms of housework etc.

If he's not showing any signs of sorting himself out I'd give him two weeks to find somewhere else.

Gavin83

He'll never move out, he has it too easy. He doesn't have to do anything around the house and from the sounds of it he isn't paying any rent either. He'll literally be there years unless you put your foot down.

I'm not a parent but if I was shouting at the kids would be a deal breaker for me. I'd tell him he is no longer welcome (word it depending on how bothered you are by the continuing friendship) and give him whatever notice you feel acceptable.

Riversong

?............

Riversong

Also, he is an adult, nearly 30, and has been here a month this Friday.