What on earth do we do??

Gavin83

BigAunty wrote: »

Perhaps her husband would like to lend him this money?

Why should he?

To be honest if his situation is this bad (and it really doesn't sound good) then the lodger should be making more effort to make himself welcome at the house rather than not doing anything and being off with the children. He's really being rather ungrateful.

Were I in his situation I'd be offering to look after the kids as well as being nice to them and offer to cook a few nights a week/do other housework. Surely any normal person would do the same.

BigAunty

Gavin83 wrote: »

Why should he?

.

Well, he doesn't have to but it's an option.

The lodger is making his wife miserable and it seems the lodger doesn't have the funds to move on, so that fixes both issues.

Stops them feeling guilty that they've asked him to move on prematurely, potentially prevents the friendship from breaking down as they seemingly haven't kept to the promise to accommodate him for 6 months.

Errata

It's a bizarre kind of friendship, which I think has already broken down, when the lodger, in just a very few short weeks, does this

Also he does not consider my children, when he gets annoyed with them instead of retreating to his room he gets snappy with them (they are toddlers) and he is always trying to push them out of the house.

That's enough to smash a friendship irrevocably.

JimmyTheWig

I get the impression that this guy left his previous accomodation because of the offer from the OP and her husband. If he didn't come to live with them then he could have still been living (with financial difficulties, presumably) where he was.

Is that right, OP?

If so, I can see that the OP feels an obligation towards him as to make him homeless in that way seems a little harsh. Even though it's his own fault.

Errata

I really don't think caring parents should feel any kind of obligation towards a man who abuses their toddlers in their own home.

DigForVictory

+1 for a chat with husband & then (once toddlers out cold) a talk with lodger.
He may or may not stay a friend, but more importantly, you want to keep yourself, your family, your domestic wellbeing together - next time you have the urge to be generous & supportive? You'll set better limits.
Priority one to get lodger to change behaviour in the house as a second observed snap & he'd definitely be joining the street furniture.

It all started with such good intentions, but that's life for you. Reality is different - I hope it all settles down quickly & calmly & that you can enjoy a family Christmas without uninvited guests!

pollyanna24

How do you push a toddler out of the house? It's not like they can go anywhere by themselves.

But honestly, I would be having serious words if my kids were being treated like this. My brother's fiancee lives with me and although she tells the kids off, it's generally because they deserve it and we are trying to show a united front. But I wouldn't put up with her being nasty to them for no reason.

BigAunty

Malcnascar wrote: »

Post #38


Totally agree Person-One. We reported to our local county council adultsafeguarding. After a short time we got a letter saying our neighbour did not meet the definition of vulnerable. Later found out that the assessment was conducted by telephone. My neighbour was in Spain at the time of the assessment and although I have nothing to support I strongly suspect the daughter impersonated her mother.
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Wow! How brazen.

Have you considered writing a response to the council saying that the person you were concerned about was actually overseas in the period of the assessment and you wonder if there was an impersonation attempt and could they consider re-opening the case to conduct the assessment in person?

Or if you are in the position to speak to the vulnerable neighbour ask them how they got on with their social services assessment (perhaps by giving the impression you are going to request it for a relative, so you want to know a bit more about the process or by confessing that it is you that reported the issue because you are so worried about her). Of course, this scenario might not be possible and even if she was the person the council spoke to, she might find this a private matter and just pretend it didn't take place to save face.

JimmyTheWig

Errata wrote: »

I really don't think caring parents should feel any kind of obligation towards a man who abuses their toddlers in their own home.

I certainly didn't read it that abuse had taken place.
I'm presuming that it hadn't because he hasn't been kicked out yet!

Yes he is being unfair on the children, which is the main reason in my point of view that the situation needs resolving, but I wouldn't say abusive from what's been written.

JimmyTheWig

pollyanna24 wrote: »

How do you push a toddler out of the house? It's not like they can go anywhere by themselves.

"Why don't you go and play in the garden?"

or

"Why not ask your mum to take you to the park?" which is followed by a few minutes of "Mum, can we go to the park?" until said mum obliges.