What on earth do we do??

Pollycat

I agree with everything that's already been said.

He is taking advantage of your kindness & good nature.

There's no way I'd have a lodger pushing my kids.

Didn't you set any ground rules before he moved in?

tea_lover

A friend of OH's moved in (briefly) a few years ago. It was flaming awful - he was so unhelpful, and downright rude to me. OH had to ask him to leave eventually - was only there a month or so in the end but it seemed never-ending at the time. They've barely spoken since.

Definitely better to sort things while there's still some chance of you all still being friends afterwards.

CH27

Riversong wrote: »

I liked this thank you. something similar crossed my mind.

In answer to the questions, he is very active job hunting but not so much on the housing side. He has high expectations for what he wants, someone suggested a shared house but he won't entertain that option.

I get the feeling he wants the house to be quiet and run just how he wants but frankly this is my childrens house before his.

I think I just feel guilty like it's my fault for helping him out, if iI hadn't he wouldn't be in this situation and i am letting this run my mind.

Beggars cannot be choosers!

pmlindyloo

Although I agree with most of what has been said on here I am wondering why you are actually posting at all.

Sorry, don't mean to appear rude but is it because the conversation before he moved in went something like this.......... (and now you are feeling a bit guilty.)

''Why don't you come and live with us for the time being - 6 months/a year? it will be fun. No bother.'' (Secretly thinking all would be fine and the extra money would be great!)

Now you realise it is not all great. You are probably wishing you had laid down the ground rules at the start (but perhaps found it difficult because he is a friend).

Would that be a reasonable scenario?

Problem is that friends aren't like lodgers in reality. It is so much more difficult to start laying down rules after they have been there for a while.

So, I would start with ''This isn't really working for you, is it? I don't expect you realised what it was like having little ones around all day. To be honest, we didn't realise what it was going to be like either blah blah.'

Hopefully he will agree. If not, then you will have to go in with the true facts - how pi**ed of you both are - but likely to lose him as a friend.

Good luck!

Caroline_a

Malcnascar wrote: »

Because he doesn't respect his friend or his friends family.

It may help if I explain why I am being so harsh. My next door neighbour is 75. Her daughter, aged 50, had a problem with relationship breakdown and said she was about to become homeless. As you might expect the mother provided a temporary solution foir her daughter. It's nearly 2 years since that act of kindness. My neighbour has been forced by the daughter to stop seeing her friends, is talked to by the daughter like she is something nasty you tread on in the street. Fortunately one of her friends had the courage to support her, he lives in Spain and when things get too much for she stays with him. In the last year i have seen my neighbour more in Spain than in the UK. The daughter says if her mum tries to get her to leave she will claim squatters rights. The daughter pays nothing towards the household bills. I have given the same advice to my neighbour as I have you, act now whilst you can or regret.

Just as an aside, there are no squatters rights any more - https://www.gov.uk/squatting-law/overview

Mum needs to give her notice and then evict her - help here

Sorry to derail thread, but it's sort of relevant

Mojisola

Riversong wrote: »

He has high expectations for what he wants, someone suggested a shared house but he won't entertain that option.

He's living in a shared house now!

hazyjo

Mojisola wrote: »

He's living in a shared house now!

The point that I was about to make and also to say that with him being there - SO ARE YOU! Is that really what you'd choose for your family?!


Jx

thorsoak

Riversong wrote: »

Sorry to trouble you all but you have been very supportive and helpful before.

I need some advice regarding a friend. He has moved in temporarily as a "lodger" with no formal agreement, while he finds his feet and finds a place. We estimated 6-12 months then he leaves.

Thing is he has been here a while now and I have concerns. He is very inconsiderate and doesn't help out housework wise, despite my struggling through it having just had recent surgery. He has offered to help conveniently just as I am finishing.

Also he does not consider my children, when he gets annoyed with them instead of retreating to his room he gets snappy with them (they are toddlers) and he is always trying to push them out of the house. Suggesting they go places when honestly sometimes the children just want to slob in their pajamas.

Hubby has said he wants him gone asap, I can't help thinking we took him in, he has no where else to go now, parents are deceased and he can't go back to his old rented place. So we are making him homeless, but his lack of considerarion is driving me up the wall! I do want my house back.

Also he is very contrary, I ask him to do something and he does the opposite, I feel like im parenting a naughty teen sometimes.

What do we do? Help!!

You say that he has now been with you for a month: why not just sit down one evening with a bottle of wine, tell him that you feel that this is just not working out - he is obviously not happy with your toddlers, you are not happy with his lack of consideration or help around the place, and in the circumstances he should make plans to move out in the next month. Within a month he should be able to find a room at least.

Errata

Riversong wrote: »

Yes maybe we are making this mistake. We are charging a very modest amount with the intention he saves like mad. Maybe we should match the rent thats charged on spare rooms. Thank you for the links.

Eta: oh wow we are charging less than half of what a shared house costs in our area judging by sparerooms.com.

Is he buying his own food?

missbiggles1

Riversong wrote: »

Yes maybe we are making this mistake. We are charging a very modest amount with the intention he saves like mad. Maybe we should match the rent thats charged on spare rooms. Thank you for the links.

Eta: oh wow we are charging less than half of what a shared house costs in our area judging by sparerooms.com.

If he's not working, how is he paying the rent?