Paying Board.

SingleSue

Caroline_a wrote: »

I agree, I've never had to bring up a child with special needs. However, 'special needs' covers a wide range of abilities, and surely someoneone who can hold a job down will need to be independent at some stage? Making children independent isn't just for those who have no issues - surely it's about ensuring that everyone as far as they are capable takes care of themselves the best way they can?

Additionally, at some point the parents will become too elderly and infirm to take care of these children. What happens then?

I'm not trying to be critical, I just feel that the OP is living in the 'now' and not looking for what could be best for her children.

My middle son is an intelligent and talented musician studying for his A levels in 6th form. He also unfortunately has Aspergers, a brain injury and a connective tissue disorder (plus other disabilities) which means that while he can cope educationally and musically, personal skills like cooking (he would burn the blooming house down as his memory is horrendous) and remembering to wash and change his clothes are sadly lacking.

I have been 'working' for years on getting these skills more advanced/to a more normal level but due to his extremely poor short term memory problems and coupled with the damage to his brain, sadly progress is extremely slow and at times, non existent.

As things stand at the moment, it is unlikely he will be able to live independently and will need someone to keep an eye on him. .but he will probably do well in employment suited to his talents/educational level.

He goes the other way with his money to the OP's child, he would give someone his last penny....not a good thing either as it can lead to others taking advantage!

FBaby

Yes I have spoilt them, I am not denying that but I am not outraged I am just trying to balance everything out. I am trying to make it right.

But you want to impose a change in a very short period of time to habits you have forged in many years? If you accept that you have spoilt them, then accept also that it is going to take some time to change their mind frame and for them to suddenly stop expecting to be spoilt by you and your husband.

Indie_Kid

It's similar for me, Sue, whilst I am intelligent, cooking is nigh on impossible due to my disabilities. I couldn't even work out how to use the old coffee maker we had. Part of the reason my parents got a new was so that I could use it without help.

2gorgeousgirls

2gorgeousgirls I cant cut it off as a certain madam phoned up pretending to be me and upgraded her phone 2 months ago to a more expensive plan. As its a 2 year contract I am stuck with it.[/QUOTE]


Well that's all the more reason she should be paying her own - no offence but that is one bold girl.

Not having children that age I don't know what you could do as a punishment but she certainly deserves one.

I know if it was my 14 year old, she would be grounded and on cleaning duty for a long time but I realise that is not realistic in your circumstances.

For future purposes, can you contact the phone company and set up a password that only you and the company would know so that she can't pull that stunt again?

ViolaLass

I would have been tempted to sell the smartphone AND tell daughter she was still going to have to pay for the contract she fraudulently took out (minus the amount raised by selling the phone).

Don't let crime pay.

HurdyGurdy

We have just been through this too. My oldest son works almost full time and is on a higher pay rate than my younger son, who has just started his first job. full time, but a lower hourly rate than the older one.

I asked the younger one to ask his friends how much they paid. I said I was thinking of about £35 a week. I had five requests to come and live here if board was that cheap!

We have finally settled on £50 a week from each of them.

I think that works out to something in the region of 25% of their wage, after tax etc

They each pay for their own mobile phone contracts, and my older son pays for his own Sky box and Sky sports (as he's the only one that watches it). Their board covers all their food eaten at home, and taken for lunches, gas, electricity, washing powder, etc.

I don't ask for anything towards the mortgage or the water rates, or insurance, as we'd be paying those whether they're living here or not (maybe insurance would be a bit less, but not a significant amount, I don't think).

JReacher1

I don't get this idea that rent should be a percentage of the persons salary. That's not how the real world works and is ridiculous.

Find a fair amount (based on the area) and charge that, the actual wage of the person is irrelevant (as long as they can afford to pay the rent).

Personally i think it's hard for a young person with a new job to save money to buy their own place or build up some savings. Unless i was in financial trouble I would charge the bare minimum. I've had to pay for the last 16-18 years so another couple of years is not the end of the world.

I would like them to be financially secure when they move out and if I was fleecing 20% of them that would not be very helpful.

BitterAndTwisted

Taking 20% board from someone earning £15k per annum is £200 a month from a take-home pay of £1096 and that is hardly "fleecing" by any stretch of the imagination!

These threads always descend into unpleasant arguments which don't really help the OP at all. Some parents charge nothing and can afford to charge nothing. Some parents need their childrens' contributions, and some parents would like their children to understand that not much in life comes for free.

My own feeling is that the OP should have the two older kids paying for their own phones. The eldest should be charged a fair amount per month, like £200, and they need to be responsible for their own clothes and toiletries out of their very lavish £800 a month discretionary spends.

Once the middle child leaves full-time education they know what will be coming.

It's a complete nonsense for the OP to be borrowing money to pay a bill or bills when their children are contributing nothing but she knows this. Hence having asked the question.