Paying Board.

Andy_89

I think you need to separate being a loving parent and being a 'life coach' by charging board you are teaching your children a VALUABLE lesson.

I think a % of their earnings is a much better approach than a figure. For my 20% I got a family meals (If i wanted something different and we didn't have it, I'd buy it myself) - gas, electric, I paid for my own toiletries and phone.

If you can afford it, this is what I intend to do, put their board away and give it back to them when they put a deposit down on a house or similar.

AS for the phone issue, god they would be paying for the difference on the increase in contract PLUS board.

Buzzybee90

Why can't you all just share the toiletries and it comes out of their board? I still share toiletries with my family when I visit. As for board I think if working fulltime yes, if in education no.

Whether the OP works or not is irrelevant really, if they're adults.

HLR93

Hi,

I'm 21 and i pay my parents £100 a month. I pay my own phone contract and for anything i need myself ie toiletries, clothes, transport costs, food i want. It sounds harsh but your children need to learn how to stand on there own two feet! I've been paying for my own things etc since i got a full time job in 2011 - by doing this i've now learnt if you can't afford it don't get it etc. Now i'm saving up for my own house after learning off my mum and dad.

Hope this helps!

Caroline_a

babyemily wrote: »

Gosh....Let me try to clarify my situation. I have 3 children. 2 have special needs. My youngest cannot ever be left alone. My eldest has been lucky enough to get a job training for a huge multi national financial Institution. They seen the astounding intelligence there but will also support all other needs. As do I. I organise everything. I make sure that showers are taken, hair is clean, teeth are brushed, breakfast is eaten and lunch is put in bag. Unfortunately the obsessive side is to party, usually alone which is obviously a great risk so to minimise this, they "buy" friends.

Yes I have spoilt them, I am not denying that but I am not outraged I am just trying to balance everything out. I am trying to make it right.

I did work but it wasn't viable due to our family situation. In fact life was much worse when I went to work but I assure you I work 10 times harder now.

I have no idea why this is important but seeing as it is then I hope that explains everything, any other questions - ask and I will answer.

Like I said they are not horrible, I love them to the ends of the earth and they have lots of amazing qualities but its now time to prepare them for the real world. I asked what is fair and right. I believe this has & hasnt been answered as what is right for one is completely wrong for the other.

Thank you for all your comments.

I can understand this for your youngest child but for the oldest?? Does he have a girlfriend? If he ever leaves home (and why should he??) then he won't have a clue how to budget, do his own washing, cleaning, etc. You are doing him and any future partners a massive disservice. What would happen to him if (heaven forbid) something happened to you and your husband?

I brought my children up to be independent and to look after themselves. I felt it was my role as a mum to teenagers to ensure that they could do this. They all had chores to do around the house, which, although it made their busy working mum's life a little easier, also taught them valuable lessons about running a home. They all had Saturday jobs as teenagers, and the money from that went to 'extras' like makeup, hair products, clothes they wanted, etc. When they started work they paid a reasonable amount of board, and continued to share the chores (doing their own washing, etc).

Don't you think that it's maybe time to let go a little? Your post where you said you 'gave up everything for them' sounded quite desperate, and if you had no other choice then that is quite sad. Remember also, you are a role model for your children - do you want your girls doing the same in the future?

Indie_Kid

Caroline_a wrote: »

I can understand this for your youngest child but for the oldest?? Does he have a girlfriend? If he ever leaves home (and why should he??) then he won't have a clue how to budget, do his own washing, cleaning, etc. You are doing him and any future partners a massive disservice. What would happen to him if (heaven forbid) something happened to you and your husband?

I brought my children up to be independent and to look after themselves. I felt it was my role as a mum to teenagers to ensure that they could do this. They all had chores to do around the house, which, although it made their busy working mum's life a little easier, also taught them valuable lessons about running a home. They all had Saturday jobs as teenagers, and the money from that went to 'extras' like makeup, hair products, clothes they wanted, etc. When they started work they paid a reasonable amount of board, and continued to share the chores (doing their own washing, etc).

Don't you think that it's maybe time to let go a little? Your post where you said you 'gave up everything for them' sounded quite desperate, and if you had no other choice then that is quite sad. Remember also, you are a role model for your children - do you want your girls doing the same in the future?

I see you missed the part where she said that her eldest has special needs too? Being highly intelligent and being able to get a high skilled job, doesn't mean that some personal care, etc isn't needed.

You're just nit picking here. You don't know her eldest son's situation. You're also lucky that you've never had to bring up children with those kinds of needs.

Caroline_a

I agree, I've never had to bring up a child with special needs. However, 'special needs' covers a wide range of abilities, and surely someoneone who can hold a job down will need to be independent at some stage? Making children independent isn't just for those who have no issues - surely it's about ensuring that everyone as far as they are capable takes care of themselves the best way they can?

Additionally, at some point the parents will become too elderly and infirm to take care of these children. What happens then?

I'm not trying to be critical, I just feel that the OP is living in the 'now' and not looking for what could be best for her children.

Lily-Rose_3

babyemily wrote: »

Hi, I have 3 teenagers. One has started f/t work on 15k a year. One attends college and has a p/t job app 20 hours a week - circa £130 ish a week. The youngest attends special needs school.

They have no outgoings as such. They pay for their own driving lessons and a bus pass. Bus pass is app £50 a week each. Their mobile phone contracts are in my name and I pay the bill by dd every month, they are supposed to pay me back.

My husband works f/t. I stay at home. We do not get tax credits etc..

The point of this post is that I feel they should pay board. They think I am being mean. Last month I had to borrow money to pay their phone bills... I know I sound like a soft touch which I am not but I am not good at stuff like this.

The one in f/t work has said he will give £100 a month, I dont think thats a fair amount to contribute to the household. Am I being mean? The bills dont pay themselves & 3 teenagers eat an awful lot! The one in p/t work is refusing to pay anything inc the phone bill. App none of their friends do.

I know I am coming across as a muppet on this but sometimes we just need an outsiders opinion to give a bit of back up.

So, after all my waffle...Do you think they should pay board and what do you think is a fair amount.

Thank you

I haven't read any of the other posts, but I have to say that I can't even understand why this is even a question that has to be asked. Why on earth SHOULDN'T young working adults pay board and lodgings to parents? I despair for humanity and society that people even ask this question!!! :wall:

There is no reason for young WORKING people to be living for free! And I think any young person that does is taking the p*ss.

So YES YES YES they SHOULD be paying you board!

Primrose

babyemily wrote: »

2gorgeousgirls I cant cut it off as a certain madam phoned up pretending to be me and upgraded her phone 2 months ago to a more expensive plan. As its a 2 year contract I am stuck with it.

That is fraud. Yiu shouldn't condone it in your children any more than you would do any other member of the public. Ring up the lhone company, tell them the truth and ask them to cancel the contract for that reason.

Person_one

Indie_Kid wrote: »

I see you missed the part where she said that her eldest has special needs too? Being highly intelligent and being able to get a high skilled job, doesn't mean that some personal care, etc isn't needed.

You're just nit picking here. You don't know her eldest son's situation. You're also lucky that you've never had to bring up children with those kinds of needs.

It seems odd then that she seemed to expect him to come up with a figure for his 'keep' that would be appropriate.

OP, if your eldest is still highly dependent on you, be careful about how you manage their money. As a carer, you have a responsibility to do so in their best interests and you'll have to be careful to protect yourself from allegations of financial abuse.

Indie_Kid

Person_one wrote: »

It seems odd then that she seemed to expect him to come up with a figure for his 'keep' that would be appropriate.

My parents did this too. They don't buy me clothes or toiletries. Mum will, however, buy me deodorant if it's on offer, etc.