Paying Board.

babyemily

January20 wrote: »

This is not what the OP is asking about. She is asking whether her children should be paying board. I'm sure that although she stays at home she works in terms of looking after her family and her home.

OP, I think both your eldest children should be paying for their phone bills. If they don't want to then cancel their contract if you can or take their phones off them as legally they are yours.
The one working full time should also be paying board, but the one in college should be using their money for whatever they need ie phone, entertainment, clothes, bus pass, etc.

It may sound harsh but it will be a good lesson for them to learn. We all have to pay our way in life. You're already providing them with a roof over their head - cheaply - and food on the table.

Thank you...I feel its only fair to add that they dont pay for anything. I buy all their clothes, tampons, razors, deodorant etc...They refuse to buy them and if they dont have their own, they just use mine.

Andy_89

I used to pay 20% of what I took home. I thought that was harsh - definitely taught me about money though.

January20

babyemily wrote: »

Thank you...I feel its only fair to add that they dont pay for anything. I buy all their clothes, tampons, razors, deodorant etc...They refuse to buy them and if they dont have their own, they just use mine.

I think you need to show them some tough love here! They are really being cheeky!

I think you need to work out what you are going to do, write it all down on paper so it's clear in your head, sit them down and TELL them what is happening from now on and what the consequences will be if they don't comply.

CH27

babyemily wrote: »

Caroline_a There is a reason I am home f/t I would rather not share it on here. Plus I dont see how it has any bearing on my question.

CH27 We used to pay their bus passes but we stopped as we had a huge bill that needed paying. So even though he has over £500 a month, with which they pay nothing, you think I should pay for the bus pass? This is not confrontational, I am genuinely interested as I really want to be fair.

2gorgeousgirls I cant cut it off as a certain madam phoned up pretending to be me and upgraded her phone 2 months ago to a more expensive plan. As its a 2 year contract I am stuck with it.

I think you should pay middle child's bus pass as I think parents should pay for college related stuff.
The eldest should certainly pay his own.

I do think you need to toughen up re the toiletries though. They both earn enough to buy their own.

19lottie82

babyemily wrote: »

Caroline_a There is a reason I am home f/t I would rather not share it on here. Plus I dont see how it has any bearing on my question.

The bearing is, if you don't have to make a financial contribution to the household, why should your kids feel they have to? But if there is a explanation as to why you don't, fair enough.

babyemily wrote: »

2gorgeousgirls I cant cut it off as a certain madam phoned up pretending to be me and upgraded her phone 2 months ago to a more expensive plan. As its a 2 year contract I am stuck with it.

That's fraud? What did you do about it?

As I suggested in my previous post, you don't need to get the lines cut off, just call and get a temporary bar placed on the lines, if they don't pay you on time, until they cough up. All providers should do this.

19lottie82

babyemily wrote: »

Thank you...I feel its only fair to add that they dont pay for anything. I buy all their clothes, tampons, razors, deodorant etc...They refuse to buy them and if they dont have their own, they just use mine.

Really, sorry to be harsh here but you need to get a grip here.

Your eldest has "told" you they will only give you £100 a month. !!!!!!?

And they refuse to buy their own toiletries and use yours? How about you stop buying theirs and keep yours in a locked box. They'll soon get the message.

sulphate

babyemily wrote: »

Caroline_a There is a reason I am home f/t I would rather not share it on here. Plus I dont see how it has any bearing on my question.

CH27 We used to pay their bus passes but we stopped as we had a huge bill that needed paying. So even though he has over £500 a month, with which they pay nothing, you think I should pay for the bus pass? This is not confrontational, I am genuinely interested as I really want to be fair.

2gorgeousgirls I cant cut it off as a certain madam phoned up pretending to be me and upgraded her phone 2 months ago to a more expensive plan. As its a 2 year contract I am stuck with it.

The mobile phone companies should only deal with the account holder. One would rather expect you to call them immediately and explain what happened so they can rectify it, it is partially their mistake for being duped by your daughter. Both of them should be paying for their phone bills. As someone else asked, how did you deal with it?

The oldest should pay board - 20% of her earnings which leaves her more than enough to start saving for her own place.

I don't think you should expect the one at college to pay board if they are already paying £50 a week for a bus pass and driving lessons on top.

Toughen up regarding clothes and toiletries. Hide your deodorant and razor etc if you have to.

To be honest, they sound like they have a huge sense of entitlement and toughening up on them will do them a favour in the long run.

millysg1

babyemily wrote: »

Thank you...I feel its only fair to add that they dont pay for anything. I buy all their clothes, tampons, razors, deodorant etc...They refuse to buy them and if they dont have their own, they just use mine.

What!?!
I bought those stuff myself from the age of 13!

Tell them to buy their own, they have enough spare cash.
And why on earth are you still providing their phones? Tell the two older ones to set up a direct debit to pay you their monthly phone costs and if they don't take their phones from them. (or maybe take the phones first and then tell them to set up the direct debits to get them back)

You're being walked all over and aren't teaching your kids anything about the real world!

20-30% is what I paid my parents plus they NEVER paid for any of that other stuff.

phill99

The problem is that you are doing them absolutely no favours whatsover by allowing them to live rent free or at just £25/week from a full time wage.

If they pay nothing/little, they learn no basic budgetting skills. They think that all of their money is disposable. When they move out, they take this philosphy with them and before long have financial problems because they can't work out priority spending.

It also encourages them not to find their own places when they are old enough as the hotel of mum and dad is by far the cheapest.

It also leads them to think that they are owed a living and should not take responsibilities for how and where they live and that other people should be dipping their hands in their pocket for them.

If my daughter had called the phone company and upgraded by pretending she was her mother, I would firstly call the phone company and get the account pass word protected, then get her contract revoked telling the company that they are complicit in fraudulant action and their internal scurity proceedures are not fit for purpose and would they like the national newspapers to be informed of their activities?

I would also tell my daughter that she has acted fraudulently and that you have an appointment with the police to discuss options.

If your kids dont pay their phone bills, simply don't pay the phone company. If they get cut off a couple if times, they will soon cough up!

Bringing up kids is never easy, but as others have said you need have tough love for your children will rule the roost for a long time to come.

As difficult as it is you just need to take a hard attitude with their kids. And more importantly you have to stick to yiur guns. You and your husband need to draw up a plan, which will involve confrontation, but you have to stick to your guns and support each other. Otherwise, you will be second rate citizens in the home that you have worked so hard for.

flipper_72

Firstly well done to your teenager who has found themselves a job. I think it can be difficult for young adults to grasp why they suddenly need to pay for things that they didn't previously so this is where you need to sit down with your kids and explain the costs involved in running a house.
I do agree that you have made a bit of a rod for your own back with the phones and think as said above you need to either take them back off the kids until they pay or get them transferred into a DD out of their own bank accounts. My kids are way younger but if they want to buy something out of their pocket money and they left the money at home they don't get the item until the cash is handed over, it gets them used to paying for the item itself and hopefully is an introduction to the value of money.
For the deo, razors etc, if they won't buy their own can you just buy the value brands next? that may "force" the issue?

I see the discussion had moved on whilst I typed but hopefully is still useful!!