Elderly relative

Hopalong1

Errata wrote: »

You may find if it's as bad as you describe it is that workmen won't want to go in it either.
Many local councils have a deep cleaning service, which you'll have to pay for, but it's unlikely they'd turn the job down.[/QUOTE




Hello Errata


Thanks, that might explain why several plumbers haven't got back to us yet with quotes!


Very good idea, I will ring them Monday, never thought of them even though I did see a bit of one of those programs where they were cleaning out terrible places.... Duh!

Better_Days

Errata wrote: »

You may find if it's as bad as you describe it is that workmen won't want to go in it either.
Many local councils have a deep cleaning service, which you'll have to pay for, but it's unlikely they'd turn the job down.

That's a really good point. We recently had our kitchen cupboard doors replaced and the chap that supplied them told me about a place that he went to quote recently which was very dirty, feet sticking to carpet etc. He said he refused the job and couldn't get out quickly enough. As well as dirt the workmen could be concerned about fleas, bed bugs and goodness knows what else (spiders perhaps :eek: - they can really make you jump especially the big ones).

There are specialist deep cleaning companies, and local cleaning companies may do a deep cleaning service too. Best to warn them of the state of the property before they come round to quote.

It is sad that your relative is so agitated about staying in the residential home. Could the OT and/or SS reassure him that when his house is safe and health permitting he will be able to go home? Possibly repeated assurances maybe necessary. Is there a health professional that he trusts, his GP maybe who could offer reassurance?

With regard to groceries - could you persuade him that getting them delivered by Tesco or the like isn't 'help' but a service that is available that many people use, whatever their situation? My health isn't that good and if my husband didn't cook I know I wouldn't eat that well at all. And if my husband wasn't here and I didn't get grocery deliveries, it would be even worse. Adequate nutrition is clearly a worry in your relatives case.

Would he accept a 'welcome home' grocery delivery as a gift from you? Faint hope I know but perhaps he would see how convenient it is.

Hang in there - you have actually made good progress, exhausting though it is. Take care and don't forget to look after yourself

Hopalong1

Better_Days wrote: »

That's a really good point. We recently had our kitchen cupboard doors replaced and the chap that supplied them told me about a place that he went to quote recently which was very dirty, feet sticking to carpet etc. He said he refused the job and couldn't get out quickly enough. As well as dirt the workmen could be concerned about fleas, bed bugs and goodness knows what else (spiders perhaps :eek: - they can really make you jump especially the big ones).

There are specialist deep cleaning companies, and local cleaning companies may do a deep cleaning service too. Best to warn them of the state of the property before they come round to quote.

It is sad that your relative is so agitated about staying in the residential home. Could the OT and/or SS reassure him that when his house is safe and health permitting he will be able to go home? Possibly repeated assurances maybe necessary. Is there a health professional that he trusts, his GP maybe who could offer reassurance?

With regard to groceries - could you persuade him that getting them delivered by Tesco or the like isn't 'help' but a service that is available that many people use, whatever their situation? My health isn't that good and if my husband didn't cook I know I wouldn't eat that well at all. And if my husband wasn't here and I didn't get grocery deliveries, it would be even worse. Adequate nutrition is clearly a worry in your relatives case.

Would he accept a 'welcome home' grocery delivery as a gift from you? Faint hope I know but perhaps he would see how convenient it is.

Hang in there - you have actually made good progress, exhausting though it is. Take care and don't forget to look after yourself

Hello Better Days


Thank you.


I can see it's harder just cooking and shopping for one. When I was single and a lot younger, couldn't be bothered for myself.


I have already said to him we'd get groceries in ready for him, and he has agreed to a microwave if we get canned or microwaveable meals in for him and show him what to do. Not the best nutrition but at least something hot.


He really has a thing about strangers coming in his home, even if someone was delivering groceries and putting them in the kitchen for him.


This is partly why he is refusing carers. He is still getting up at 5 a.m. struggling to wash and dress himself, so he is ready for the staff coming to get him up at 7 a.m.


Got to admire his stubborn independence, he is determined to prove he is fine, one of the old school get on with it types....


We keep reassuring him constantly by telephone and visits that work is progressing, showing him quotes, photographing finished jobs, giving him time scales, planning things for him to look forward to, like outings, etc.


Doesn't stop him asking when he is going home. (Need rolls eyes smiley here).


Also warned local cleaning firm, who do advertise one off deep cleaning, before they got here. And they still said it was the worst they'd seen and never got back to us.....


We will try the LA as a last ditch attempt when the main improvements are done...

Better_Days

You are clearly being persistant and trying all you possibly can.

Getting him to agree to microwave meals is really positive. Microwave meals are a lot better than they used to be and are very easy.

Cook do a fantastic range of tasty ready meals, they even have a 'Seniors' range - there maybe a store near you so you can try out or they do home delivery http://www.cookfood.net/menu/special-diets/meals-for-seniors

GL with the LA re the cleaning.....

margaretclare

Errata wrote: »

Make sure he signs it! As part of the explanation you could point out to him that because of the referendum (which I hope he's followed) share prices have and are all over the place; he needs to know what's happened to his - he may be better off than he believes he is.

They've all settled down now according to an email I had from Hargreaves Lansdown.

The OP mentioned not needing PoA now. It may be a good idea to have it in case it's needed in the future. When/if he loses mental capacity in the future it will be too late then to set it up.

margaretclare

Better_Days wrote: »

You are clearly being persistant and trying all you possibly can.

Getting him to agree to microwave meals is really positive. Microwave meals are a lot better than they used to be and are very easy.

Cook do a fantastic range of tasty ready meals, they even have a 'Seniors' range - there maybe a store near you so you can try out or they do home delivery http://www.cookfood.net/menu/special-diets/meals-for-seniors

GL with the LA re the cleaning.....

I like the meals for those with a smaller appetite that Cook advertise. This is becoming much more widespread now. We've had a few pub meals recently where there was a separate menu section for those of us with a smaller appetite. Much better than it used to be a few years ago.

Mojisola

margaretclare wrote: »

The OP mentioned not needing PoA now. It may be a good idea to have it in case it's needed in the future. When/if he loses mental capacity in the future it will be too late then to set it up.

I agree - the best time to set up a POA is when you are fit and healthy so you have time to think it through.

It's like a will - you make it in advance so that it's there when it is needed.

Hopalong1

Better_Days wrote: »

You are clearly being persistant and trying all you possibly can.

Getting him to agree to microwave meals is really positive. Microwave meals are a lot better than they used to be and are very easy.

Cook do a fantastic range of tasty ready meals, they even have a 'Seniors' range - there maybe a store near you so you can try out or they do home delivery http://www.cookfood.net/menu/special-diets/meals-for-seniors

GL with the LA re the cleaning.....

Hello Better Days


Thanks very much for the link, I've had a good browse and we could drive to the nearest one in half an hour, sounds really nice, in fact I am tempted myself!




Slight snag on the cleaning front is that OH is saying no, don't get cleaners in, we will do it : (


I keep telling him I don't fancy braving the spiders but he doesn't seem to think it matters.....


I am imagining sending him in first with a broom to get rid of them all.

Hopalong1

margaretclare wrote: »

They've all settled down now according to an email I had from Hargreaves Lansdown.

The OP mentioned not needing PoA now. It may be a good idea to have it in case it's needed in the future. When/if he loses mental capacity in the future it will be too late then to set it up.

Hello margaretclare


Yes, thankfully he is agreed on this, but it will be for just in case he needs it in the future rather than now. This is why we have to be tactful in inquiring with FA as to why he has invested everything in shares rather than leave some of relatives savings in a savings account, as social services were concerned about this at his age = 81.

Hopalong1

margaretclare wrote: »

I like the meals for those with a smaller appetite that Cook advertise. This is becoming much more widespread now. We've had a few pub meals recently where there was a separate menu section for those of us with a smaller appetite. Much better than it used to be a few years ago.

Hello again


Yes I spotted that too, and even feel that way about meals ourselves now, especially don't like heavy evening meals.