Elderly relative

Mojisola

Hopalong1 wrote: »

He seems a very pleasant chap, quite charming

All conmen are, otherwise they wouldn't be any good at conning people.

piglet25

Hopalong1 wrote: »

Hello piglet


He seems a very pleasant chap, quite charming, yet, we are still concerned as to our conversations with him.


I really am concerned we act in our relatives best interests, not what the FA thinks we should be doing, which seems to be don't get POA, don't spend any more than is in his current account....


Really need to follow this up urgently, thank you.

I would be pleasant and charming if I was lining my pockets with free money. I don't want to cause alarm, but I have seen this happen quite a bit with my work and its so blatant. If he was obnoxious you would be like - hes a conman, keep him away - but by being nice it makes you question any thoughts you might have of him being anything less than an honest and helpful bloke. Hes a wolf in a sheep onesie!

RedBern

If your relative isn't keen to go into a home, would they consider a sheltered housing scheme where they'd have their own front door but also others around in communal areas to socialise with. ? If their current house is in such a state it might be a better option? And if you find a scheme locally he'll probably know the other tenants there anyway.

Hopalong1

Errata wrote: »

The FA sounds very iffy - have a look at this for his name or the name of his company http://www.fca.org.uk/register

Hello Errata


Sorry for not getting back until now, we were visiting relative last night.


Many thanks for the link, we talked to Relative A and he managed to find a tattered business card from the FA in his wallet.


I have immediately checked with your link, and thankfully, the company is FCA registered, as is the FA. So at least they are legitimate as a financial business.


I feel really relieved, was trying not to think of nightmare scenarios, but doubts were creeping in. So, he is legit, and not a cowboy as far as we know.


We haven't heard anything from the FA, and are now proceeding with a mental capacity check via Social Services, as our relative agrees to POA. If he's ok, we will get POA for him, and at last have peace of mind that both he and ourselves, are legally protected as to his current and future care, and financials.


Really need to get all the help together possible from SS, GP, and solicitors. Work is going to start soon on his home, and he is chomping at the bit about going back, but he doesn't seem to realise that he is doing so well now because of the care the residential home is giving him.

Hopalong1

Mojisola wrote: »

All conmen are, otherwise they wouldn't be any good at conning people.

Hello Mojisola


Hmm, yes, he certainly was trying to ingratiate himself with us, like he has with our relative. Only turned snappy when we discussed POA and not rushing to take his friends offer.....

Hopalong1

piglet25 wrote: »

I would be pleasant and charming if I was lining my pockets with free money. I don't want to cause alarm, but I have seen this happen quite a bit with my work and its so blatant. If he was obnoxious you would be like - hes a conman, keep him away - but by being nice it makes you question any thoughts you might have of him being anything less than an honest and helpful bloke. Hes a wolf in a sheep onesie!

Hello piglet25


Yes, we were doubting ourselves when he was trying to persuade us to accept his friends offer, as he 'thought we wanted (relative A) sorted out quickly and back home'. Piled on the emotional guilt that it's what our relative wanted....


Ignored us when we were saying that he wasn't coping at home and doing well in the residential home, telling us 'He was fine when I visited'. This was a one hour visit once in 3 weeks, when we had been attending daily and worrying over him...


At least he is registered.

Mojisola

Hopalong1 wrote: »

I have immediately checked with your link, and thankfully, the company is FCA registered, as is the FA. So at least they are legitimate as a financial business.

I feel really relieved, was trying not to think of nightmare scenarios, but doubts were creeping in. So, he is legit, and not a cowboy as far as we know.

Hopalong1 wrote: »

Hmm, yes, he certainly was trying to ingratiate himself with us, like he has with our relative. Only turned snappy when we discussed POA and not rushing to take his friends offer.....

Legitimately registered isn't the same as being honest.

Hopalong1

RedBern wrote: »

If your relative isn't keen to go into a home, would they consider a sheltered housing scheme where they'd have their own front door but also others around in communal areas to socialise with. ? If their current house is in such a state it might be a better option? And if you find a scheme locally he'll probably know the other tenants there anyway.

Hello RedBern


Thank you, we hadn't thought of that I will ask him, he is just so adamant he wants to go home, and thinks living in a residential home is tantamount to a death sentence.


He is doing his best to prove he is absolutely fine, e.g. gets up at 5 a.m., washes and shaves (there's a sink in his room), gets dressed, before the staff come in to get everyone ready for breakfast. He's there sitting on the side of his bed, waiting to be accompanied in the lift to the dining room, is very jolly and happy to everyone. He's even been asked by the staff to ring the buzzer if the other two residents in the front lounge with him need assistance!


Yet when the staff aren't there, we see him walking slowly and painfully, wincing when he sits down, just pretending to all that he is fine, and never complains. He is such a lovely man, all the staff love him there, he's making life easier for all of them.


He's so determined he doesn't need help we are worried about when he comes out once work is done. I don't think there is any chance we can persuade him to stay, despite how well he is, ironically, being so much better even the staff believe he will be fine.


Yet at home he definitely wasn't eating right, or cooking, as he confided in us, and wasn't taking all his meds, which is how he came to grief in the first place. Numerous times we offered to do more, fetch shopping, cook for him, fetch meds, brought warm clothes, coat, offered to buy a shopping trolley. All help was refused, all clothes put aside 'for best', and it's really frustrating as we knew he wasn't doing as well as he should be.


Only now do we know the full extent of how he was struggling.


Really have to get the SS and everyone on board to persuade him to accept help. : (

Hopalong1

Mojisola wrote: »

Legitimately registered isn't the same as being honest.

Hello Mojisola


I have been thinking that too, but, hopefully if anything untoward has happened there is somewhere we can complain....


Just working now towards mental capacity and POA. Taking one step at a time as we have our hands full coping with renovations and visiting relative to make sure he's ok.


If and when we get POA, the next hurdle is checking his financials, I really hope all is ok as Relative A thinks the world of FA. He would be devastated, and I fear it would set him back in his recovery, so I am dreading what we might find.


I am already debating pretending that everything is fine even if it's not because I don't want our relative upset or knocked back by it. Just got to keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't come to that. : (


Have to keep positive for his sake and our own.

Errata

Hopalong1 wrote: »

Ignored us when we were saying that he wasn't coping at home and doing well in the residential home, telling us 'He was fine when I visited'. This was a one hour visit once in 3 weeks, when we had been attending daily and worrying over him...


At least he is registered.

How much is the FA charging for visits? And how often do they occur?