Elderly relative

Hopalong1

CH27 wrote: »

That is possibly because he is well fed, properly hydrated & has routine & company to stimulate his mind.

Hello CH27


This is exactly what we are thinking. He wasn't drinking properly at hospital, as it's so busy there, and he had an accident.


Then he wouldn't drink, then he went downhill, confused, memory problems, low blood pressure, and staff were saying he needed 24/7 care.


With more staff at the home, more attention, proper home cooked food, he is regaining the one and a half stone he lost in hospital and is looking the best he has looked for years.


The only problem is he fears staying in a home, that he will go downhill, as everyone he knows who went in one never lasted out the year. He keeps saying he wants to go home and it's heart breaking. I hate to see him lose the independence he values so much.


Yet, being selfish, I want him to be fit and healthy and looked after, which is what the home is doing for him, so he will still be with us.

Errata

FA seemed to imply again that Relative A is fine and doesn't need POA....

That alone sends very large alarm bells ringing in my mind. Is the FA legally qualified to give financial advice?

troubleinparadise

Dear Hopalong1,

I do feel that as CH27 rightly points out, being fed, hydrated and generally cared for will have done a great deal to improve Relative A's general health, and thus improve his mental state also.

This yearning for independence seems to be a common theme; my mum was the same, but she couldn't really cope on her own, and her stubborn stance about remaining independent in her own home really ended up with it being a prison where she was isolated, lonely and struggled with every task, but sadly she wouldn't agree to a change until a crisis forced it to happen and a care home become the only option.

And sadly, we have to let that happen unless it is deemed that the person truly has lost capacity and is a danger to themselves (and possibly others) and the decision taken for them.

You can see the flaws in The FA's advice re the long term investment proposal; whether that is for personal gain or just exposes the FA as not up to the job is another matter! But your gut instinct is ringing alarm bells and probably worth listening to.

Setting up POA for Mr A is definitely a very good move if he will agree to it. Again, a good FA would agree with that as a wise move for anyone as part of their financial planning - that he doesn't see that sounds odd to me.

My mum was very trusting of anyone who took time with her and "helped" her out.... Not always wisely. Good tradesmen she dealt with would always run an order or work planned by me first so that there was no question about their estimates and how the job would be carried out. Again, anyone who valued their own reputation and had nothing to hide wouldn't have a problem with that.

The FA again might just be helping out with the handyman mate - but it all sounds a little too contrived, and until you feel satisfied it is above board it is not paranoid to question a low estimate that happens to tally with the contents of a bank account! :eek:

piglet25

I think the first thing to do is to find out if the FA is what he says he is, and then ask SS about what to do in the event of financial abuse being uncovered. To me he sounds totally unscrupulous and seems hell bent one getting one last bite of the cherry before it falls off the tree - that is to say that he is trying to get what he can before he is rumbled. He doesn't not have your relatives interests at heart - he has given bad advice, is trying to get a patchwork job done on his home and doesn't want him to go into a home where he will be well looked after? He sounds like a crook to me.

Hopalong1

Errata wrote: »

That alone sends very large alarm bells ringing in my mind. Is the FA legally qualified to give financial advice?

Hello Errata


As far as I know he works from an properly official office in a largish town, which Relative A has taken 2 buses to get to. I have had this from Relative A directly that FA was with his current bank, and then went independent and asked him if he wanted to be his customer.


So, I am taking a deep breath, and trying not to leap to conclusions too quickly. It does seem that FA is legal that way.


It's just the odd facts that he doesn't seem to feel POA is needed, and the cheap quote.

Mojisola

Could be worth a call to these people -
https://www.elderabuse.org.uk/Mainpages/Services/services.html

Hopalong1

troubleinparadise wrote: »

Dear Hopalong1,

I do feel that as CH27 rightly points out, being fed, hydrated and generally cared for will have done a great deal to improve Relative A's general health, and thus improve his mental state also.

This yearning for independence seems to be a common theme; my mum was the same, but she couldn't really cope on her own, and her stubborn stance about remaining independent in her own home really ended up with it being a prison where she was isolated, lonely and struggled with every task, but sadly she wouldn't agree to a change until a crisis forced it to happen and a care home become the only option.

And sadly, we have to let that happen unless it is deemed that the person truly has lost capacity and is a danger to themselves (and possibly others) and the decision taken for them.

You can see the flaws in The FA's advice re the long term investment proposal; whether that is for personal gain or just exposes the FA as not up to the job is another matter! But your gut instinct is ringing alarm bells and probably worth listening to.

Setting up POA for Mr A is definitely a very good move if he will agree to it. Again, a good FA would agree with that as a wise move for anyone as part of their financial planning - that he doesn't see that sounds odd to me.

My mum was very trusting of anyone who took time with her and "helped" her out.... Not always wisely. Good tradesmen she dealt with would always run an order or work planned by me first so that there was no question about their estimates and how the job would be carried out. Again, anyone who valued their own reputation and had nothing to hide wouldn't have a problem with that.

The FA again might just be helping out with the handyman mate - but it all sounds a little too contrived, and until you feel satisfied it is above board it is not paranoid to question a low estimate that happens to tally with the contents of a bank account! :eek:

Hello troubleinparadise


It really does seem best for our relative to stay where he is, where he is being properly cared for, but I want to talk to his allocated social worker about a proper assessment for our own peace of mind, then try for POA.


Even if it means he must use his shares, and sell his home, to fund it, it seems that is where he is doing best. If only we can gently win him round to it.


I am trying to keep an open mind on the FA, but, finding it harder to do so. I can't believe he is so dismissive about Relative A's heath and how he had been living.

Hopalong1

piglet25 wrote: »

I think the first thing to do is to find out if the FA is what he says he is, and then ask SS about what to do in the event of financial abuse being uncovered. To me he sounds totally unscrupulous and seems hell bent one getting one last bite of the cherry before it falls off the tree - that is to say that he is trying to get what he can before he is rumbled. He doesn't not have your relatives interests at heart - he has given bad advice, is trying to get a patchwork job done on his home and doesn't want him to go into a home where he will be well looked after? He sounds like a crook to me.

Hello piglet


He seems a very pleasant chap, quite charming, yet, we are still concerned as to our conversations with him.


I really am concerned we act in our relatives best interests, not what the FA thinks we should be doing, which seems to be don't get POA, don't spend any more than is in his current account....


Really need to follow this up urgently, thank you.

Hopalong1

Mojisola wrote: »

Could be worth a call to these people -
www.elderabuse.org.uk/Mainpages/Services/services.html

Hello Mojisola


Thank you for the link, I am hoping we don't need it, but we may be forced to.....

Errata

The FA sounds very iffy - have a look at this for his name or the name of his company http://www.fca.org.uk/register