Elderly relative

Hopalong1

margaretclare wrote: »

No, you're not being pessimistic, you're being completely realistic.

Mobility scooters are NOT just 'for old people'. I've seen people of all ages using them.

If he has one leg shorter than the other it's possible to get a built-up shoe i.e. the sole is built up to be thicker. But from what you say about him he wouldn't like that. I'd be more worried about the dizziness etc.

The failing heart etc may possibly make him feel a lot more tired, less energy, than he normally has. His heart is basically struggling! Tiredness is the most common symptom. I find with getting older, I get more tired more easily than I ever used to. All the things we do, the technology we use, the online banking and shopping etc, are just an absolute godsend which make our lives so much easier. We had my stepdaughter and her partner arrive a couple of weekends ago, on motor-bikes on their way to a local regatta and then to the continent. They wanted to do a 'few little jobs' for us. In half an hour they did things that either we couldn't have done or would have taken us all day. Just 3 little jobs. Cleaning out the sparrow nest-boxes on the back wall, massacring the lavender bushes at the front and changing the sheet and duvet-cover (mattress is very heavy). Half an hour the lot! We were very grateful. But mostly, online shopping, online banking, having the car and not having to walk far - it's all an absolute godsend.

Hello margaretclare


Thank you, I am glad it's not just me being a worrier, I know it must be so hard for him to admit he needs help now.


I think he will be secretly grateful to have his standard of living improved, forgetting how he has struggled.

Hopalong1

Hello all


Many, many thanks for all the helpful advice, it really does help to have an objective point of view.


I have finally sent off the letter to the FA requesting list of investments and statement which our relative does need for his social services means test (spoke to allocated social worker yesterday about this and he wants us to deal with it).


We have 2 weeks grace now before fees have to be paid. Social worker is also visiting to see what other works they feel he might need to be safe and independent at home.


I keep emphasising that our relative needs aftercare when he is home, despite his protestations to us and the social worker that he is fine.


Finally a home visit by SS will show what we are up against, and how our relative clearly wasn't coping, plus I can discuss how he wasn't taking his medication properly before his accident, and now he is having to take twice as many (this is supervised by the carers who ensure all residents take their meds).


Windows have been done brilliantly, washing nets and need more spring loaded curtain rods, so a visit to a well know linen store is on the cards asap. Whilst the good weather lasts we will also be painting the flaking masonry paint outside and getting it all nice for him.


More quotes and work to come, it's a huge task to get sorted, but he isn't settling at the home and is very anxious to come out... This is despite how well he looks, and how much weight he has gained. Sigh.

Mojisola

Hopalong1 wrote: »

I think he will be secretly grateful to have his standard of living improved, forgetting how he has struggled.

I saw with my parents that change became more difficult as they got older but, after the improvements were made, they were very pleased and agreed that their lives were better/easier as a result.

CH27

Dealing with elderly parents can be a minefield. There is such a fine line between helping maintain their independence &starting taking over.

I worry myself sick about my dad.

Mojisola

CH27 wrote: »

Dealing with elderly parents can be a minefield. There is such a fine line between helping maintain their independence &starting taking over.

I worry myself sick about my dad.

Agree wholeheartedly with this!

Hopalong1

CH27 wrote: »

Dealing with elderly parents can be a minefield. There is such a fine line between helping maintain their independence &starting taking over.

I worry myself sick about my dad.

Hello CH27


You have my sympathy - it must be a really difficult situation for you. So much advice on this thread (thanks everyone), that I hope can help you and others too... One of the most useful is the Age UK site, have a browse on there because there are things your dad might find he is entitled to and you can use the:


'Well you've contributed all your life in tax, etc. you should claim x,y,z, you've earned it', so it's not like he is admitting he needs help, but, there is stuff the government does provide he could be eligible for....


We've had so many sleepless nights worrying about our relative. Whilst he is saying he is fine and not to worry, he has no idea of what scale of work, organising, and hassle he would of faced if he was still living in his home.


Even simple things like washing nets, buying rods, needing curtains, he didn't even realise floorboards would be coming up all over the place, dust from brickwork, etc. etc. even though we explained all this to him.


It's nice for him not to have chaos around him, and then settle back with his improvements in place, but he is still impatient to get home...


Got to admire his independence, even if we worry, really hoping that being looked after at the home makes him miss being cared for when he is alone, and he will actually ask for help.


Fingers crossed....

Hopalong1

Mojisola wrote: »

I saw with my parents that change became more difficult as they got older but, after the improvements were made, they were very pleased and agreed that their lives were better/easier as a result.

Hello Mojisola


That makes me feel better, thank you, I can just hear him now saying how nice his shower is, and isn't it great (Duh!)

margaretclare

Mojisola wrote: »

I saw with my parents that change became more difficult as they got older but, after the improvements were made, they were very pleased and agreed that their lives were better/easier as a result.

The only change we haven't yet got to grips with is a smartphone, which all the schoolkids seem to have. We don't want to be left behind, but....

Reason: we don't think that - for us - it would be worth the money. We each have a mobile which is an absolute godsend and can be/has been a life-saver on more than one occasion - but a smartphone, unlimited texts etc? Can't see it. Oh, and we haven't got Sky TV. Don't need that either.

CH27

Hopalong1 wrote: »

Hello CH27


You have my sympathy - it must be a really difficult situation for you. So much advice on this thread (thanks everyone), that I hope can help you and others too... One of the most useful is the Age UK site, have a browse on there because there are things your dad might find he is entitled to and you can use the:


'Well you've contributed all your life in tax, etc. you should claim x,y,z, you've earned it', so it's not like he is admitting he needs help, but, there is stuff the government does provide he could be eligible for....


We've had so many sleepless nights worrying about our relative. Whilst he is saying he is fine and not to worry, he has no idea of what scale of work, organising, and hassle he would of faced if he was still living in his home.


Even simple things like washing nets, buying rods, needing curtains, he didn't even realise floorboards would be coming up all over the place, dust from brickwork, etc. etc. even though we explained all this to him.


It's nice for him not to have chaos around him, and then settle back with his improvements in place, but he is still impatient to get home...


Got to admire his independence, even if we worry, really hoping that being looked after at the home makes him miss being cared for when he is alone, and he will actually ask for help.


Fingers crossed....

I've got dad pretty sorted practically thankyou.
What I worry about is him still thinking he is 40 & superman.
Washing line broke? No probs i'll jump on the garage roof & fix it:eek:
Landing light bulb gone? No probs i'll stand on the banister & change it :eek:

Mojisola

CH27 wrote: »

What I worry about is him still thinking he is 40 & superman.
Washing line broke? No probs i'll jump on the garage roof & fix it:eek:
Landing light bulb gone? No probs i'll stand on the banister & change it :eek:

We turned up to visit an elderly relative who had very little vision to find him up a ladder with an electric hedge trimmer trying to cut the top of a 10ft hedge - to "help out" the elderly lady next door.! :eek: