Dealing with insecurity

Becles

Thanks everyone for all the help and making me see things clearer.

I've told him that I can't be in a relationship with him. He said it's all my fault because I'm making petty little things into big problems and won't accept that he's contributing to the said problems. If he was as perfect as he makes out though, I wouldn't be feeling like this!

Will have to face him today as he sits near me at the football. I've tried looking for seats elsewhere but the family zone is full and they don't have four seats together anywhere else in that section. If I move out the family zone, I'll have to pay an additional £75 for each child plus four £25 admin fees for moving seats mid-season and I can't afford that at the moment.

Heffi1

Hold you head up high, you have nothing to be ashamed of, it is his behaviour that has led him to where he is now, and you may need to remind him of the times he was unreasonable in order for the message to get through to him, but if it were me, I think I would ignore him and enjoy your day with the kids

Errata

He said it's all my fault because I'm making petty little things into big problems

Of course he did, he's a psycho. Ignore him, he'll soon look for another victim. And re-read my post #25.

Indie_Kid

I feel as though I'm having d!jà vu. But thankfully, I wasn't in a relationship with either person.

pinkshoes

Becles wrote: »

I've told him that I can't be in a relationship with him. He said it's all my fault because I'm making petty little things into big problems and won't accept that he's contributing to the said problems. If he was as perfect as he makes out though, I wouldn't be feeling like this!

He sounds suffocation, and perhaps a bit like your ex if he is blaming this on you already!!

My ex was controlling rather than clingy, but it wasn't long before I'd lost a lot of my friends as he hated me going out.

You'll meet someone lovely one day

[Deleted User]

Hi. Hold your head up high and don't lower your standards ever. He is in the wrong and he knows this that's why he's blaming you. There's no point in being in a relationship with him if he's dragging you down...
Onwards and upwards. Be happy knowing your the better and happier person in all this..

Delree

giantmutantbroccoli wrote: »

Does it matter if he enjoys it or not? He's making her miserable with it, and seems either unwilling or unable to change. Regardless of how much thought and planning is going into what he's doing, it is incredibly manipulative, and that is not good for the OP's wellbeing or the health of their relationship.

I completely agree and I'm not excusing his actions or suggesting OP should tolerate them. I'm just saying that his motives are probably not born from a desire to control but an innate feeling of inadequacy that ruins his relationships and heaps misery onto himself and those around him.

He's a victim too but I also agree with the consensus on this thread that OP should not go back to him as these feelings he has won't go away and when it blows up again it'll be worse than it was the first time.

I know because I've been a less extreme version of this guy myself. My actions weren't an evil way of controlling someone I couldn't help it. That's why I choose to be alone and not inflict my insecurities on others. They're my demons and noone elses.

BigAunty

Becles wrote: »

I've told him that I can't be in a relationship with him. He said it's all my fault because I'm making petty little things into big problems and won't accept that he's contributing to the said problems.

That sounds awfully arrogant for a supposedly insecure and under confident person.....

Becles wrote: »

. If he was as perfect as he makes out though, I wouldn't be feeling like this!

.

Fantastic - that sounds like your instinct coming through now he's no longer around to throw your inner voice into confusion with his mind games.

It's clear that he started to make you doubt your own thought process and reasoning.

purpleshoes_2

Delree wrote: »

I completely agree and I'm not excusing his actions or suggesting OP should tolerate them. I'm just saying that his motives are probably not born from a desire to control but an innate feeling of inadequacy that ruins his relationships and heaps misery onto himself and those around him.

He's a victim too but I also agree with the consensus on this thread that OP should not go back to him as these feelings he has won't go away and when it blows up again it'll be worse than it was the first time.

I know because I've been a less extreme version of this guy myself. My actions weren't an evil way of controlling someone I couldn't help it. That's why I choose to be alone and not inflict my insecurities on others. They're my demons and noone elses.

We all have baggage. Ive tons of it but I try not to inflict mine on other people. This guy isnt a victim as far as Im concerned, we all have control over our actions towards other people. He has choices, he could recognise what's going wrong in his life, get some support and counselling and try and change. If this continues he'll damage the OP and her kids. I was in a relationship that I can only describe as emotionally abusive for just short of two years. Wasnt like that in the beginning but unravelled at a speed of knots and by the end it had sapped me of just about every bit of self confidence I had and it took me a very long time to get back on my feet.

I agree, he should be avoided, its a toxic relationship but we all have responsibility for our actions, no one makes people behave in a certain way, we all have choices in this life.