Dealing with insecurity

Becles

InsideInsurance wrote: »

(2) nothing you've said points to you getting hurt? It points to a choice of if you can deal with his insecurity or not. If you are willing to have a shadow for life then I dont see why you'd get hurt?

I get upset about it. We're still talking as friends and what prompted the post was an issue this morning. He texted me to tell me about progress on his driving lessons. I texted back "well done, that sounds promising" and somehow that was translated as I was too busy to speak to him?! So I was upset as I never said or implied that at all.

pinpin

SandC wrote: »

'why the hell would I subject myself to this aggravation twice over with some other bloke as well????'

lol, I was at a party once with the needy girl I mentioned ealier and there was another pretty girl there who my ex thought I was perving over.

She said ''do you wish you were going out with her? Would you prefer it if I looked just like her???''

I said ''Of course not!.....I mean, how would I tell you apart??''

She didn't think it was a very funny answer, but I made myself giggle

Flossie.

Sorry Becles. I have to agree with the majority say on here. I would run for the hills. I could, never, ever be in a relationship with a man like this. I am very independent and like my own company, and I tend to be rather solitary too. So to have someone clinging to me, would drive me utterly NUTS.

I enjoy being in a relationship, but would go mad if my husband was clingy and whiney.

None of what you say in your OP bodes well for the future of your relationship.

Errata

Becles wrote: »

I get upset about it. We're still talking as friends and what prompted the post was an issue this morning. He texted me to tell me about progress on his driving lessons. I texted back "well done, that sounds promising" and somehow that was translated as I was too busy to speak to him?! So I was upset as I never said or implied that at all.

My guess is that he'll twist everything you say and do to suit his own ends. He isn't needy, he's a manipulator and everything will always be your fault. In your shoes I wouldn't let him within five miles of myself or my children.
Read up on Personality Disorder if you can cope with some hard facts.

BigAunty

Becles wrote: »

He texted me to tell me about progress on his driving lessons. I texted back "well done, that sounds promising" and somehow that was translated as I was too busy to speak to him?! .

Wow! So you provided a polite positive response and he has interpreted this as a snub? Double wow.

Person_one

Becles wrote: »

I get upset about it. We're still talking as friends and what prompted the post was an issue this morning. He texted me to tell me about progress on his driving lessons. I texted back "well done, that sounds promising" and somehow that was translated as I was too busy to speak to him?! So I was upset as I never said or implied that at all.

Doesn't sound like much of a friend either, no sane human could interpret what you said that way.

Delete that number and don't look back!

FBaby

It sounds like it is not as much the insecurity itself that is the biggest problem, but the fact that he is an extremely emotionally demanding person. I personally wouldn't have the energy to deal with someone like this and even if I was deeply attracted to them, the weight of the demands would ultimately kill any attraction in the long run.

CRANKY40

I'd say that 99 out of a 100 people would think your text meant that you thought they had done well. Run like the wind in the other direction. My 9 year old behaves better than that.

onomatopoeia99

I would suggest that explaining to him that if he wants to maintain any kind of relationship with you, friendship or romantic, then making demands in the way that he has been is entirely inappropriate and will kill any feelings you have for him.

If he can't accept this then it is as well to know now.


To whoever said that men can't handle independent women, I would disagree. As a fiercely independent sort of chap I would far rather the same characteristic in anyone I am involved with. . It's not my place to try to set limits on what they do or who they see or expect them to be there at my beck and call - if they thought it was, then I probably wouldn't want to be with them anyway! Either they want to be with me or they don't and trying to control them won't change this.

Heffi1

Maybe you could respond with something along the lines of 'sulking is such a turn off in a guy, when you have matured maybe I will have some time for you, but not until you realise that emotional blackmail will get you nowhere.'