Dealing with insecurity

marisco_2

This guy comes across as an assured mind game player to me, not as someone who suffers from insecurities. There is no possibility of a happy future with someone like this, unless you are happy to comply to being his puppet on a string. Walk away from him and save your sanity.

Becles

FBaby wrote: »

It sounds like it is not as much the insecurity itself that is the biggest problem, but the fact that he is an extremely emotionally demanding person. I personally wouldn't have the energy to deal with someone like this

That hit home and I think that's my biggest problem to be honest. Got lots going on in my own life at the moment and finding it hard dealing with this on top of everything.

Errata

Becles wrote: »

That hit home and I think that's my biggest problem to be honest. Got lots going on in my own life at the moment and finding it hard dealing with this on top of everything.

His behaviour is irrational and unbalanced. You can't predict what he'll do next so you walk around on eggshells. A trained therapist would find him hard work, you're not - so use your energy in more constructive ways than indulging him by dealing with his destructive behaviour.

JoW123

marisco wrote: »

This guy comes across as an assured mind game player to me, not as someone who suffers from insecurities. There is no possibility of a happy future with someone like this, unless you are happy to comply to being his puppet on a string. Walk away from him and save your sanity.

This. I had a relationship with a man like this and am still getting over it 5 years on. Walk away.

Delree

I have sympathy for you both. I'm a guy and am pretty insecure myself and know how destructive it can be. There's no way he enjoys this and it's not deliberate. I know from my own experience that insecurity is a ticking time bomb waiting to blow up any relationship.

I've had counselling but it did no good. I'm best off on my own because other people (through no fault of their own) make me feel bad. It's horrible and I feel for your ex.

However as others have said it's not your problem (unless you want it to be) and unless you're willing to drastically change then getting back together will only be a band aid because you will break up again. Trust me you will. I know this from my own experience and it'll be worse for both of you the next time.

What did Sting say? If you love somebody ... Set them free.

purpleshoes_2

Becles wrote: »

I get upset about it. We're still talking as friends and what prompted the post was an issue this morning. He texted me to tell me about progress on his driving lessons. I texted back "well done, that sounds promising" and somehow that was translated as I was too busy to speak to him?! So I was upset as I never said or implied that at all.

And you are still considering going back to him?

purpleshoes_2

Delree wrote: »

I have sympathy for you both. I'm a guy and am pretty insecure myself and know how destructive it can be. There's no way he enjoys this and it's not deliberate. I know from my own experience that insecurity is a ticking time bomb waiting to blow up any relationship.

I've had counselling but it did no good. I'm best off on my own because other people (through no fault of their own) make me feel bad. It's horrible and I feel for your ex.

However as others have said it's not your problem (unless you want it to be) and unless you're willing to drastically change then getting back together will only be a band aid because you will break up again. Trust me you will. I know this from my own experience and it'll be worse for both of you the next time.

What did Sting say? If you love somebody ... Set them free.

You cant say that you dont know that he enjoys this. That might be your experience but some people do get off on controlling others and making them miserable.

Becles

purpleshoes wrote: »

And you are still considering going back to him?

He's the only person who's shown any interest in me in three years so I don't think I'm much of a catch.

There's good bits. I like his company, he's got the same daft sense of humour as me, and the bairns like him. I'm trying to work out if I can take the rough with the smooth, as I'd rather be with someone than single. But there does seem to be more bad bits than good bits so maybe it's not right. I'm no good at relationships

heartbreak_star

Is it possible you would benefit from some counselling too Becles?

You should never feel that you are worse off single than in a bad relationship

HBS x

SandC

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

To whoever said that men can't handle independent women, I would disagree. As a fiercely independent sort of chap I would far rather the same characteristic in anyone I am involved with. . It's not my place to try to set limits on what they do or who they see or expect them to be there at my beck and call - if they thought it was, then I probably wouldn't want to be with them anyway! Either they want to be with me or they don't and trying to control them won't change this.

That was me and it's certainly not all men, but it's been my experience often. But of course there are degrees of being independent (some of my friends consider being independent as having a night out on their own!) and I reckon I'm up there in the fiercely category with yourself.