Newbie to online dating - how do you get matched correctly?

SailorSam

Chatalouge wrote: »

We had a face time chat last night, she cant skype cause her webcam is broken

You don't need a webcam to speak on Skype. A girl i met off PoF, but lives to far away. We chat regularly, at first we use to have our webcams on but most of the time now we just talk. We both know what we look like, just use Skype 'cos of the convenience.

Retroguyuk

~daisy~ wrote: »

Im struggling with dating websites too

tried Tinder - ok made some nice friends and had some fun dates

POF - rubbish was only getting messages from old men and guys i did message never replied

okcupid - dont really like not enough guys on there local ish to me and again never reply back

I dont understand when men always moan that women never reply as majority of time when i message i dont get replies either

Im off to join a nunnery !

If you're getting dates on Tinder (which is based pretty much on picture alone), but not on POF or OKCupid, maybe it's because of the content in your profile/messages, or how you write them. Maybe try refreshing your profile and see if you get any more success? I'm guessing you're using the same photos on Tinder as you are on the other sites? Are you being perhaps a bit negative in how you write things on your profile, eg. saying more what you don't like than what you do?

It's interesting you say that OKCupid doesn't have many guys local to you, but that you've found Tinder more successful- I usually find Tinder works much better around big cities, which is naturally where more people on the other dating sites are based.

I think what men generally mean when they say they're not getting replies, is that they're not getting replies from women they find attractive. That's obviously not the case with you though if you're getting Tinder dates, so I can only guess maybe it's to do with your profile/messages.

~daisy~_2

I dont tend to have too much on my profiles as i prefer to chat and find out about ppl in real time.
Its too easy to discount something you see in a profile and then maybe miss out on chatting to someone really interesting imo anyway

i just have deal breakers on there like non smoker only

pictures are all similar - not identical tho

messages i get told im pretty unique in that i can hold a conversation and actually talk rather than 1 line answers akin to pulling teeth...

maybe profiles are more important than i give credit for. As i used tinder first i never really thought that much about them

Retroguyuk

~daisy~ wrote: »

I dont tend to have too much on my profiles as i prefer to chat and find out about ppl in real time.
Its too easy to discount something you see in a profile and then maybe miss out on chatting to someone really interesting imo anyway

i just have deal breakers on there like non smoker only

pictures are all similar - not identical tho

messages i get told im pretty unique in that i can hold a conversation and actually talk rather than 1 line answers akin to pulling teeth...

maybe profiles are more important than i give credit for. As i used tinder first i never really thought that much about them

I can only guess, but I would say it could well be the lack of profile thing. Some people view it that people aren't very committed, or aren't serious about getting to the actual meeting up date part if they don't have anything on their profile. Just like with your messages, it helps to have a few hooks in your profile that people can respond to, even if they're responding to your first message. For me, when I get a message, the first thing I'd do is go look at their profile. It doesn't necessarily mean I wouldn't reply to anyone with a scant profile, but it's more of an effort usually.

Saying about the no smoking thing is fine, as long as you don't go on and say how it's a modern plague on society etc I'd just try and soften any deal breakers, and try not to have too many- it's just in general that being overly negative can put people off.

I'd maybe try switching to the identical pictures if Tinder is proving more successful. It's pretty easy to do these days and you've got nothing to lose really.

Just out of interest, when you say about discounting something on a profile and then missing out on chatting with someone interesting, what kind of thing did you mean?

I found it quite strange coming at Tinder the other way, having used online dating sites for a while first- the fact that hardly anyone has anything on the written profile section at all is quite jarring from other online dating methods. I do view it as quite a different thing from traditional online dating, and it's probably worth treating it the same, especially if you're not having too much luck outside of it at the moment.

Chatalouge

~daisy~ wrote: »

I dont tend to have too much on my profiles as i prefer to chat and find out about ppl in real time.
Its too easy to discount something you see in a profile and then maybe miss out on chatting to someone really interesting imo anyway

i just have deal breakers on there like non smoker only

pictures are all similar - not identical tho

messages i get told im pretty unique in that i can hold a conversation and actually talk rather than 1 line answers akin to pulling teeth...

maybe profiles are more important than i give credit for. As i used tinder first i never really thought that much about them

That is what i look for as a starter, those 1 line responses or just a yes drive me crazy. Its like they put in no effort at all lol. POF has worked okay for me, that saying i've only talked with 1 person who i'm getting on well with

~daisy~_2

my profile says - non smokers only please - so not at all going on about it and nothing else that could even be deemed negative

i change all my pictures fairly regularly from the same pool

when i message first i usually make a reference to something on there profile so its an easy response

well you never know what u may find interesting about someone unless you take time to chat and message and get to know them so if they post something like im a die hard trekkie and u dont message them on the basis of that despite them being hot local and in other ways interesting you could miss out on a new friend or more

Retroguyuk

Chatalouge wrote: »

That is what i look for as a starter, those 1 line responses or just a yes drive me crazy. Its like they put in no effort at all lol. POF has worked okay for me, that saying i've only talked with 1 person who i'm getting on well with

What's weirder, is when you get people who actually go out of their way to start a conversation a few days running, and then when you ask them stuff like what they're up to, or how they are, they just reply 'not much', and 'ok'

Retroguyuk

~daisy~ wrote: »

my profile says - non smokers only please - so not at all going on about it and nothing else that could even be deemed negative

i change all my pictures fairly regularly from the same pool

when i message first i usually make a reference to something on there profile so its an easy response

well you never know what u may find interesting about someone unless you take time to chat and message and get to know them so if they post something like im a die hard trekkie and u dont message them on the basis of that despite them being hot local and in other ways interesting you could miss out on a new friend or more

That all sounds fine to me, so going on that, I'd try putting a little more content into your profile and seeing what happens. You've got nothing to lose really My approach is to have what I think is a strong profile, and let that do the work for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't write 'hi hun how r u' messages, but I find it's easier to have the profile do the heavy lifting for me, and just write a few little bits in the message to see if they're interested. It's less work that way

Haha true, but then, I'd say most people would be messaging them because they're hot and local anyway, and just deciding to ignore the sci-fi bit if it's not to their taste

Chatalouge

~daisy~ wrote: »

my profile says - non smokers only please - so not at all going on about it and nothing else that could even be deemed negative

i change all my pictures fairly regularly from the same pool

when i message first i usually make a reference to something on there profile so its an easy response

well you never know what u may find interesting about someone unless you take time to chat and message and get to know them so if they post something like im a die hard trekkie and u dont message them on the basis of that despite them being hot local and in other ways interesting you could miss out on a new friend or more

I wouldn't be interested in a trekkie, you're most likely to end up with a cling on :rotfl:

~daisy~_2

was just an example :P

i went to tinder first because i cba with profiles ...ugh