Newbie to online dating - how do you get matched correctly?

Chatalouge

I took the plunge with trying out online dating. I'm not going to name the site as it might be advertising but i recall reading about the site i joined in martins money saving guide to online dating. I have been on there 4 days and so far not 1 person i have spoke to suits what i'm looking for. Not to be boastful or vain but i would say i'm quite good looking. I'm in my late 20's but all the people i'm being matched with are pretty much all older than me. I think there has been only 2 under 30 so far who have contacted me. Most of the women i spoken to are really boring, they send me a mesage, i look through their profile and think oh yeah they sound interesting and then talk to them to see they are really boring. How are you? How long have you been here? The weather was nice today wasn't it? What music do you like? Blah blah. Not 1 person can have a conversation, instead just ask generic questions which gets tiring after seeing them over and over again. I must be doing something wrong to be getting such bad matches, right?

Chlorine7

Have you bothered asking them anything interesting or are you expecting them to do all the work since "Not to be boastful or vain but i would say i'm quite good looking" ?

purpleshoes_2

Sometimes the matches depend on the quality of the settings people put forward, there are no guarantees. You might be better signing up to a social group such as meet up.

Chatalouge

Chlorine7 wrote: »

Have you bothered asking them anything interesting or are you expecting them to do all the work since "Not to be boastful or vain but i would say i'm quite good looking" ?

I try my hardest to get them talking and try to have a fun light hearted conversation but they just dont match my personality. I have quite an intense personality and need someone on my level as my profile clearly states but nobody who contacts me is. I think they just try because i'm eye candy :rotfl:

purpleshoes_2

If you are on POF, good luck, you might need it. Ive known a few people meet and get married from there, but many other people have spent years on there and had little success or a lot of timewasters, I would imagine its the same on a lot of sites.

Youd be better trying to meet people offline I think and that includes some of the people you are chatting to, always better to have a face to face conversation.

Chatalouge

purpleshoes wrote: »

Sometimes the matches depend on the quality of the settings people put forward, there are no guarantees. You might be better signing up to a social group such as meet up.

Maybe but first i have a month to use on this site as i paid, so i dont want to waste that for only 4 days of use.

purpleshoes_2

Chatalouge wrote: »

Maybe but first i have a month to use on this site as i paid, so i dont want to waste that for only 4 days of use.

There are no guarantees with any online dating site.

Chatalouge

purpleshoes wrote: »

There are no guarantees with any online dating site.

They say they scientifically match you which looks like a lie. Since my last post i received 3 new messages. 1 is 37 with 2 kids, 1 is 44 and sounds very professioal and the other is 19! My profile says nobody over 40 or under 25 :eek: someting is seriously wrong!

purpleshoes_2

Chatalouge wrote: »

They say they scientifically match you which looks like a lie. Since my last post i received 3 new messages. 1 is 37 with 2 kids, 1 is 44 and sounds very professioal and the other is 19! My profile says nobody over 40 or under 25 :eek: someting is seriously wrong!

You need to adjust age settings, not just say it on your profile.

anibell

purpleshoes wrote: »

You need to adjust age settings, not just say it on your profile.

Agreed, sounds like you need to possibly change a few settings.
If you don't want to meet people with children, you need to change settings.
If you don't really want to meet people up to 40 years old, you need to change settings.
Sometimes you need to change the geographical settings e.g how far away people are. Etc, etc, etc.

I don't know what site you're using but did you fill in a very, very detailed questionnaire before you did your profile? That could make a difference in your matches. It takes time with online dating....there is sometimes a lot of weeding to be done

Bear in mind that some people aren't as talkative on the phone or through email....maybe take a chance and meet someone face to face for a coffee.

I have had negative and positive experiences of online dating.....a few idiots along the way but one very nice man who is now my husband

There are no guarantees but good luck

giantmutantbroccoli

If it's okcupid you're on, be very careful about the questions you answer and the level of importance you place on other people's answers. That will the biggest effect on your matches on that site. Try looking for other people you find attractive on there, ignoring the match % to start off with, and have a look at what questions they regard as important.
For any site it's a good idea to have a look at the "competition" and see what your potential partners are seeing. There are some things that appear again and again in multiple profiles, it's easier to avoid repetition if you know what others are saying about themselves.
Ultimately the best way to find someone you're attracted to is to do the looking and the messaging yourself, rather than waiting for the perfect partner to message you. I get several messages a day from guys on okc who really aren't my type, often with a stupidly low match % to boot, often much older than me. There are some people who seem to think that it's always worth a try.
I personally hate the small talk messages, so if I think I might be interested in someone I usually ask for a meet up early on. Plenty of people who struggle to be interesting in the written word are quite engaging in real life.