Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

brizzledfw

Tough I know NOA..but its their decision. You can't live their life. Just try and protect yourself from over worry and stress as much as you possibly can. Breathe deep and meditate/have a bath/walk in your lovely garden

xx

NoOneAround

Another week gone by in a flash!
Thanks Brizzle, I do try but it's very hard to switch off from it
Exhausted from a very hectic week but Saturday evening watched a film with DD and pottered around in PJ's all day Sunday (apart from washing and grocery shop) as DS away Saturday pm to very last last night.

Only working mornings this week at school but lots of catch up to do at home but today have decided I'm using the 2 hours before pick up time to have a long cuppa and potter around here

1)To do list for the afternoons this week:
2)Several creditor letters to reply to/call
3)Volunteer admin work to get up to date
4)SE work to catch up with - about a week behind schedule
5)Dishwasher kaput so need to find paperwork and check if still under guarantee - bought 18 months ago - arrange for engineer to come out - have been handwashing dishes for 10 days as no one home to receive engineer etc
6) Garden :eek: the wet warm humid weather has resulted in abundant growth of everything, haven't done anything for a while as DS has been busy with exams and assessment deadline etc.
7) House is in utter chaos and everything needs a big clean and tidy. Spiders have made themselves quite at home!

Am feeling exhausted just thinking about it but today is some quiet time while every one is out

NOA
xx

Bobarella

Hi NoA

Sorry to hear about your parents. It must be very hard for you seeing them struggle but also having them push away any suggestion of outside help.
What does your OH suggest when you discuss things?

Bob

NoOneAround

Hi Bob,
The short answer is that we rarely discuss much these days
parents, kids, house, future... everything leads to a row, and as I'm trying to keep stress to a minimum, it's easier not to talk. Long answer would take a book:eek: Not a good place to be, and nothing much has changed really, underneath it all.

Off to bed now, I only came in to check I'd switched pc off (wich I hadn't
xx
NOA

chevalier

I really feel for you NOA, would they hear the truth that they need help from say the vicar or other person of their age? I know that the reason your mum doesn't want help will be a combination of admitting she is not getting any younger, not wanting to see how bad things have got, feeling a failure and becoming dependant.

People can't make decisions if you don't give them all the facts. I know you don't want to tell them about your illness, but if they harbour thoughts that when (ie in the long future to them lol) they move in with you, you will take care of them and all will be well, then you have to disabuse them of that notion.

Seriously NOA even if you HAD been well, with the amount of work you and OH are doing just to make things meet, plus supporting your DD and DS through the start of their journey into adult hood, you just wouldn't have the TIME to properly look after them anyway on your own. And from the sounds of it OH wouldn't (couldn't empathise enough perhaps, sorry) take over any of the work, housework load to free up time for you, so you would be doing even more stressful, emotionally (and therefore physically) exhausting work ie caring, than you are now.

So tell them and explain that you will tell them if anything changes, but that you are only telling them so they understand that it would be better for them to get help in now, while they have a choice about how it happens, than on relying on you.

Good luck it isn't easy I know all about that. Gentle hugs.
chev

brizzledfw

Chev (as usual ) is making some sound comments NOA....you need to be well enough to cope with the immediate, and it sounds rather as if others are assuming things they should not..

I know when a dear family member said she had MS..her parents just couldn't comprehend. Others had to step in and make sure it was about her grief and that they needed to be supportive rather than needy..but it wasn't (isn't) an easy journey for them that's for sure.

NoOneAround

Thanks Chev and Brizzle :A
I know the right thing would be to tell them but it feels wrong, which doesn't make sense I know. I keep thinking it over, over thinking it I think, but can't decide at the moment, which doesn't help anything at all.

Another afternoon off and I'm being lazy again.
Came home to potter outside, but it's chucking it down again
Hope summer happens soon.
X
NOA

NoOneAround

Came across this poem today, written I think over 100 years ago.
Struck a chord.

‘Where the Mind is Without Fear’
by R Tagore

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection:
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is lead forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action–
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.


NOA
x

Bobarella

How lovely NOA. Thanks for posting that.

NoOneAround

Just spent an hour weeding, several large piles of lying around. Enjoyed being outside but now exhausted, Looks like it's going to pour again so need to tidy up before it does.

Just came in to see what other seismic events happened while I was out in the garden Glad at least the ozone whole is mending

x
PS Edit "hole" even, its not whole yet!