Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

Historybuff

Hi NOA, don't worry about that call to the bank re the overdraft interest. You might need to psyche yourself up a bit, but remember, they are only a person. Once you have calmly explained, they will sort it out.
Good luck. HB

NoOneAround

I've decided that my alias which described how I felt when I started my diary isn't a negative alias at all, everyone is shortening it to NOA and Noah survived the floods, didn't he, saving all his family and all the animals.


Just waiting for that rainbow to appear

NoOneAround

Have just been pondering over conversations with bank a couple of days ago.


They asked me if I was working with StepChange or whether I had just rung them for advice.


I said they that were not administering any payments for me and that they had helped me with budget sheet and suggestions on how to proceed.


Bank adviser said, "Oh good, that means we can work directly together"


Wondering why it was "good"?
Does Stepchange or other charity have more negotiating power/less easily "bullied"?


Can't help wondering.......

NoOneAround

Thanks HB, made the call eventually...
Its sorted - the interest waived and paid back into account so it's within limit:)

brizzledfw

Well done. Well done for 'eating that frog'! And making that call

Yes, re SC I expect so. They see the debt charities, SC etc as driving a harder bargain and being your informed and skilful advocate.

See how you feel..you can always change your mind can't you about formally using them

brizzledfw

NoOneAround wrote: »

I've decided that my alias which described how I felt when I started my diary isn't a negative alias at all, everyone is shortening it to NOA and Noah survived the floods, didn't he, saving all his family and all the animals.


Just waiting for that rainbow to appear

Yes..and saved the family and loads of animals too as well as himself....seems rather apt to me

NoOneAround

brizzledfw wrote: »

Ho hum...really powerful stuff you've talking about here. Absolutely - it really is!!I have read some of it twice as I think it's shining a light onto some of the stuff me and my OH get angry/resentful about too. Thanks:D We are also in a much better place these days but it's good to have these reminders.

NOA...you have done some really practical stuff there so well done and as for the emotional stuff, just try and think about it and work out what you really want to do. Thanks Brizzle... in my heart I know what I want to do, which is do whatever it takes, I'm not resenting having to do deal with it all myself, just the lack of support and encouragement....and the willingness to help when needed ie when a company will not talk to me because account is in his sole name You may have to force the situation. To be be honest, sometimes I have tackled my OH when he is at work, had a long chat as somehow he is often more 'business' focussed then and less defensive than when we are face to face. Sometimes I have also said 's@d the budget, a divorce is more expensive than a dinner' and taken him out. Would love to do this but actually at the moment I would be afraid that it would dissolve into a public spectacle! Minus the kids! but we are going out courtesy of tesc* vouchers on Friday night as we are dropping dd off on Saturday.
Either way think you should set yourself a timeframe and then start taking some steps to constructively (well as constructively as possible) express your concerns.. Am trying...so hard.....but seems impossible as he is just not interested, after a while you give up, so tonight for example I tried to tell him that I had been shopping and we had brought stuff for uni for DD. " Is it all sorted then? " he asks, so I try to expand and describe where we went, how much I spent, and he interrupts "so is it sorted, simple question, yes or no ?" I just answered. Yes, and that was that.


So a big event in our lives, first child leaving home, and we can't talk about it. Feel lost. Suspect he is too, he is closer to DD than DS.

Brizzle

Am going to stop now as feel a rant coming on and I don't really like writing about my woes all the time. He is coming down with a cold, so I said to take some night nurse, which he wont. He never takes anything to relieve symptoms and then it usually drags on and on, but he will never take anything to help himself feel more comfortable. AM afraid I have no sympathy left for the martyr act. :mad:

NoOneAround

Today' task list.....
1) Make Leek and potato soup and cheesy garlic bread
2) Rescue dining table from piles
3) Clean kitchen properly esp floor (only had quick tidy aways for the last 7-10 days)
4) Go to bank - last client paid cash this week, and also received dividend check
5) contact share company to have dividends paid direct - have been meaning to do this for 10 years maybe today will be the day!
6) Get DD to start packing as am tripping over everything collected together for her!
7) More washing
8) No urgent work admin today so need to get on top of receipts/budget/tax info/vat (always start to say this at this time of year so that I'm ready for my Jan 30th mammoth all nighter session

NoOneAround

So instead of rushing of in eager anticipation of achieving my to do list today, I continue hopping through diaries


Its really inspiring to see signatures showing DF in big letters:)


Would be really interesting to know how many were paid in full, how many accepted reduced Full and final settlements, as still get sinking feeling when I think that we will need to pay 7K a year to clear unsecured, plus £600/month extra towards the interest only part of the mortgage to clear all in a 10 year master plan.

brizzledfw

You could always ask what people did? Ask via a new thread? I know it's self selecting..(but isn't everything?).. Mine was a hard slog to pay off every penny, but then we are fortunate to have a good joint income and OH was finally on board..(say no more I feel for you hon, he's being rude as well as feeling lost for sure)

We still have a whopping mortgage though..but on a low BoE tracker. Should be done in 7-8 years.