When you children are no longer kids.

BigAunty

Person_one wrote: »

It's not at all unusual for people to still be at home at 22 these days.

Even those with attitude....?

burnoutbabe

wouldn't most people be hurt if mum went to the shops and bought a treat (say chocolate bars) for everyone apart from them? I'd want some sweets if mum was buying them and bringing them back home for "the kids" (or the adult equivalent treat) - different if sweets bought when out for example.

whitewing

Does your daughter have the same surname as the younger siblings? Would she like to? Would she like to be adopted by her stepfather (i believe that you can still adopt adults), and I think her birth certificate gets reissued with stepfather's name. I don't know the process though.

I assume stepdad would be happy to do this?

Mojisola

whitewing wrote: »

i believe that you can still adopt adults

Adoption is only for the under 18s.

whitewing

Ah yes, in the UK. You can adopt an adult in the US (in some states at least, it appears).

bagpuss38

Hi all.

Back from a very fun day, absolutely shattered.

Sanctions are still in place sadly.

I will respond to all your messages tomorrow but let me say I truly appreciate all the advice and insight, thank you for sharing your experiences xxxx

Top_Girl

I don't think OP's eldest daughter should be offered to go on the seaside trips and then additional mother/daughter adult trips to placate her, I think this is sending out entirely the wrong message, whether it's what she craves or not. It should be one or the other, it's unfair on the others otherwise.

I disagree with not even asking her if she wanted to go on a family trip or getting her a chocolate bar with the rest of you.

I don't think her saying she has other plans is a rebuke.

I think her not being bothered for a celebration is far more so.

I would pitch future trips as such; we are all going to the coast on Monday, we can book you on too if you fancy it, or would you rather I just took you on an (adult) evening meal/cinema trip later in the week.

That said, once she has been paid, you shouldn't be expected to fund her on any kind of trip. If you choose to, that's a different matter, but you financially supported her for years, she's grown up now.

Pollycat

burnoutbabe wrote: »

wouldn't most people be hurt if mum went to the shops and bought a treat (say chocolate bars) for everyone apart from them? I'd want some sweets if mum was buying them and bringing them back home for "the kids" (or the adult equivalent treat) - different if sweets bought when out for example.

We're talking about a 22 year old, a 7 year old and a 3 year old.

I think an adult throwing a strop about not being bought a chocolate bar because her sisters/brothers have been bought one is incredibly childish.

If the eldest child was 10, I could see how he/she would most definitely be hurt, but at age 22.....?

Glad you had a good time yesterday, Bagpuss.

Mojisola

Pollycat wrote: »

We're talking about a 22 year old, a 7 year old and a 3 year old.

I think an adult throwing a strop about not being bought a chocolate bar because her sisters/brothers have been bought one is incredibly childish.

I do, too. I wonder when it's going to end. Is the 3 year old still going expect Mum to buy stuff when he/she is 22 because Mum did it for older sister when she was 22? Will the now 22 year old still want to have the same stuff bought for her, even though she will be 41?

The 22 year old got stuff bought for her when she was 7 the same as the younger ones are getting now.

When arranging a family outing, I would always ask everyone if they wanted to come but there wouldn't be an alternative offered if they didn't. On other occasions I would do things with the older ones but it wasn't "to make up for not coming to the seaside".

This young lady - who is an adult now, not a child - obviously has issues to resolve from a difficult start in life but she can't keep blaming everyone else for the way she feels.

whitewing

They could do more to acknowledge the ways she feels and to help her feel a valued part of the family.