Baby next door crying non-stop!

Nicki

Fortunately when we had our screamer we were living in an end of terrace house and next door was empty. So we didn't have neighbours to apologise to but we had a horrible time for months.

Some of the criticisms of the parents are ill informed. They may not be leaving the child alone in the cot to cry. With mine though picking him up to soothe him made things worse not better and he would arch his back and scream in pain. Lying in a cot with a raised end he was at least less uncomfortable though still screaming. Feeding made him worse not better because it made the reflux worse. We used neither Gina Ford nor the book of calm so that wasn't the cause. Taking him out during the day merely caused passers by and customers in caf!s etc to complain about the racket and criticise my inability to soothe him. Even when he was admitted to hospital due to failure to thrive, the very experienced neonatal nurses could do nothing to soothe him. With two older children, taking the whole family out late in the evening was a non starter and anyway he was worse in a car seat than anywhere else due to the pressure on his belly.

There genuinely was nothing at all we could do to stop him crying for the first 7 months of his life until finally a paediatrician after multiple visits diagnosed that he had a problem with milk proteins and advised me to stop breastfeeding and put him on a prescription only formula milk. And then he was transformed!

OP it was horrible for us as parents so I know full well it must be horrible for you as the neighbour and you do have my enormous sympathy. However it is very likely that there is nothing the neighbours can do to calm the baby and as they rent nothing they can so structurally to sound proof on their side. So the only solutions I can think of are for you to speak to the landlord and ask him to soundproof their property, or bite the bullet and soundproof your own. If there isn't any neglect or abuse (and nothing posted really suggests there is) phoning a health visitor or social services for advice can't change anything for you other than to possibly add aggressive neighbours into an already difficult mix.

GobbledyGook

Mojisola wrote: »

Not leave the baby in her room to cry for hours on end, day after day, week after week.

Keep the baby with them downstairs, carry her around, get out of the house for a walk or in the car, visit other people in the evening with the baby so the neighbours get a break and so on.

You don't know that they are not seriously struggling with the situation themselves.

My DD2 cried every night for 3 hours solid from 10 weeks until just over a year. Talking to her, lifting her, rocking her, putting her in the pram for a walk, taking her for a drive, bathing her, feeding her - doing anything other than letting her be meant it lasted 4/5 hours. Even now before bed she goes into shutdown mode and if anything interrupts that it's really hard for her to wind down (although I am convinced it's something to do with something in milk - she refused to touch it from just over a year and her sleep got considerably better, but she was tested for allergies).

I tried doctors (including several hospital referrals to rule out pain etc), health visitors, cranial osteopaths, people from NCT, people with more children than me who had experienced criers, everyone and in the end the only thing I had left was hoping and praying that she grew out of it before I actually lost the plot completely and became a complete wreck (as opposed to the walking zombie because when she did sleep it was only for 5 hours). There is very few feelings worse than one where you are sat on the floor feeling like an abject failure because your baby is crying and you, their parent, cannot help or in fact make worse.

OP - If you have actual concerns that the parents are neglecting the children then call social services.

If you think they are decent people who are normally good parents then you have to ask yourself what speaking to them will achieve - apart from putting them under more pressure when they are probably utterly sleep deprived and struggling already.

notanewuser

Reams wrote: »

If you cannot hear your baby crying then you are not caring for it correctly.
Babies are not put into isolation of a bedroom, they are kept close. In their pram, car seat or whatever near mum. The only time a baby should sleep in a bedroom is when mum is close having a nap too.

I didn't like it at all, and never subjected my own DD to it. But given the one time I saw them use a monitor at our house they muted the volume on the parent unit it didn't make much difference. Sadly they were/are of the train of thought that babies should sleep when mummy or daddy say so and so any crying wasn't responded to. Made me weep on more than one occasion.

notanewuser

Nicki wrote: »

There genuinely was nothing at all we could do to stop him crying for the first 7 months of his life until finally a paediatrician after multiple visits diagnosed that he had a problem with milk proteins and advised me to stop breastfeeding and put him on a prescription only formula milk. And then he was transformed!

Poor little lad. You cutting out dairy should have fixed that, and I'm surprised the suggestion wasn't made to you sooner! It's quite a common issue!

Reams

lostinrates wrote: »

Tone and context a an make a huge amount of difference.

Lunch out.....with the girls.....or with the boss.

Quickie sex....with a lover in a rush or non consentual, dragged in to a back street.


Terribly made breakfast, in a cafe, or made by an enthusiastic and proud child


All things where the result is very different because the broad ingredients are very different because of context and tone.


Sometimes, just having good relations makes the hard to stand more tenable. And makes you sympathetic not resentful. Sometimes it makes you know whether you need to stop thinking every thing is ok and pick up the phone and call someone to make a judgement because it might NOT be ok.

WHAT? It's a thread about a baby crying next door!
I give in to bonkers posts.

Mojisola

GobbledyGook wrote: »

You don't know that they are not seriously struggling with the situation themselves.

The OP lives next door to them and hears visitors arriving and people laughing while the baby is crying continuously.

thorsoak

lulu_92 wrote: »

You are more than welcome to come to my house and see how bad the noise is for yourself.

Yes, the family might be going through their own personal hell that I don't know about - which is why I don't say anything!

I do think that I am perfectly in my right to want to be able to be in my house and not have to put up with it, though.

So what do you think the parents should be doing?

I'm not exactly being selfish by wanting that. I think some parents forget how it feels for childless people.

That is a good idea missbiggles, I will talk to OH about it (although I can guarantee he will say no because he will see it as an added expense - not my fault!)

I am really worried about rubbing people up the wrong way and I am too shy to say anything to people as well (I will have to get over that, I am aware)

I am disappointed that "because babies cry" is a perfect justification. If it was loud music it would be a different story.

Sadly, babies do not come with noise control.

Just suppose that next door's baby no 1 was like my first two babies - no problem at all. Imagine how they must feel when baby no 2 screams all the time - wouldn't you feel a failure? I know I did! Would you want to talk to your neighbours - and I'll bet they know that you are tutting about the noise - I knew my neighbours were (although in actual fact, my neighbours weren't!) But I felt dreadful. When I went out, I wouldn't want to talk to anyone ...everyone had a different remedy that they wanted to give me and nothing worked - I WAS A FAILURE AS A MUM .

How do you think that feels?

therock585

I use to live in a a place where the church bells would go off all day and it would drive me insane. Nobody could do nothing. Council couldnt care less. Colic is very common babies and is usually a very high pitched cry.i hope things get better for you.

lulu_92

Just got home from work so caught up on posts and will answer questions here:

- The baby cries all day long until around 10-11pm.
- I never said they weren't allowed to laugh. I was saying it's creepy that they're having a good time and at the same time a baby is bawling its poor heart out. Also this was to show that the parents seem perfectly fine.
- yes if it was me I'd feel bad but I think I'd feel bad for making my neighbours go through it, if I knew it was making that much of a problem for them
- soundproofing won't happen because my OH is burying his head in the sand and refusing to admit they're being loud.

AFM baby has been crying since I got home. It's so loud I can hear it before I open my front gate outside.

Right now there's silence which is lovely. Although I've just heard the cutest little giggle from her which was so nice to hear.

Thanks for the TTC wishes as well.

minerva_windsong

With regard to the soundproofing, how far are you along in the process of selling the house? If you're getting estate agents/viewers involve could you not drop into conversation with your OH that you've had people comment on the noise/estate agent say that soundproofing will make it sell quicker or for more money? It's not the best tactic I admit but if it works...

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

No one should have to put up with their peace being destroyed whilst trying to relax in their own home, and the sound of a screaming baby is like no other, but I ask again, what exactly do you expect your neighbours to do?

If I was the OP - and apologies that I'm putting words in your mouth Lulu! - a lot of it could be fixed by just acknowledging it - 'Hi, we're really sorry our baby is crying so much/loudly and apologise if she's disturbed you'. The neighbours don't have to give a reason why she's crying if they don't want to, and it could even be a note through the door if they don't feel like they know the OP to talk to or feel up to a face-to-face conversation. It's the fact they're not doing this for whatever reason that would rankle with me. People understand that babies cry for whatever (and sometimes for no) reason and that you can't always stop them crying, and I think you would have to be seriously unsympathetic to not appreciate that the parents are incredibly stressed and tired because of their baby crying. And the OP is clearly not unsympathetic to that fact. But I think if your child's crying is that bad, if you can then you should make some effort to recognise that it's impacting on other people.