Baby next door crying non-stop!

GwylimT

lulu_92 wrote: »

This raises an interesting point. Many other posters have told me to go round. I'm intrigued to know how everyone else would react to a disgruntled neighbour.

My MIL and my own mum agree that the crying shouldn't be this constant at 6 months. I know you can't generalise with babies, although I do have to give MIL credit as she has three kids, all of which were in hospital when they were babies for everything including croup (OH nearly died) and heart problems etc.

I suppose I get more frustrated that the only relief from it is when I am asleep or at work, which isn't really fair. Why should I change my lifestyle and not be in the house because of a child that a) isn't mine and b) doesn't live with me?

The older child doesn't help things, like I've said. I guess my next concern is the baby growing up and acting in a similar way, as I've seen his behaviour. (happened with my three cousins. the younger two were good as gold and the eldest was a nightmare. Now all three are nightmares)

The issue is, what do you expect the parents to do?

lulu_92

GwylimT wrote: »

The issue is, what do you expect the parents to do?

Well there's not a lot they can do if they're doing everything parents should be doing (I'm not saying they're not, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt) but I would expect a level of common courtesy, maybe something like "I'm so sorry, we didn't even realise you could hear it so bad."

Mojisola

GwylimT wrote: »

The issue is, what do you expect the parents to do?

Not leave the baby in her room to cry for hours on end, day after day, week after week.

Keep the baby with them downstairs, carry her around, get out of the house for a walk or in the car, visit other people in the evening with the baby so the neighbours get a break and so on.

lostinrates

lulu_92 wrote: »

This raises an interesting point. Many other posters have told me to go round. I'm intrigued to know how everyone else would react to a disgruntled neighbour.

My MIL and my own mum agree that the crying shouldn't be this constant at 6 months. I know you can't generalise with babies, although I do have to give MIL credit as she has three kids, all of which were in hospital when they were babies for everything including croup (OH nearly died) and heart problems etc.

I suppose I get more frustrated that the only relief from it is when I am asleep or at work, which isn't really fair. Why should I change my lifestyle and not be in the house because of a child that a) isn't mine and b) doesn't live with me?

The older child doesn't help things, like I've said. I guess my next concern is the baby growing up and acting in a similar way, as I've seen his behaviour. (happened with my three cousins. the younger two were good as gold and the eldest was a nightmare. Now all three are nightmares)

I think the point I tried to make earlier, is I wouldn't go round as a disgruntled neighbour.

I'd make a human connection first. I know its hard. I know you're tired and they are unfriendly and tired. But it really is the best way to grease the wheels for communication I think.

The older child must feel it too. It might be that if you all make friends you find ways you can help.

As for 'why should you change...' Some times adaptation on both sides is the easiest solution.


My neighbours are working farmers:). They are great, but they are quite noisy first thing in the morning, It doesn't bother me as I am usually awake by then, if not I sleep through it. When we have friends here I tell them a couple of days before and they are kind enough to make adaptations the evening before so that things can be a little quieter in the morning.

It might be a cot can move, and everyone needs to keep windows closed and run fans . Not ideal, no, but, might help a little.

I had a very hard of hearing neighbour in London once who listened to radio four all day opn a radio. I tried listing to it to see if that helped ( if you cannot beat them join them) but it didn't help because I listened on digital and she listened on radio, or vice versa, and so we had a sort of echoing impact. We brokered a deal that she actually put her volume up for a few hours a day and I listened with no sound :rotfl: then she listened the rest of the day with earphones.

jackyann

OP - you have had a lot of suggestions here.

This is also very upsetting for you. Can I suggest that you try to switch off your own anxiety whilst you consider what is written here?

I am very moved by some of the posters, and if you feel you can offer the friendly chat & support that they suggest, it would be very helpful.

I think, after all this time, that you have got an idea of what the neighbours are like, and probably have a good feel for whether these are reasonable parents, overwhelmed by a crying, unsettled (possibly unwell) baby; or if they verge on the abusive.

That means you probably have a good idea of how a friendly, neighbourly chat would be received. If you feel it would be taken badly, then Social Services are the people who can help.

One poster has suggested that it is unreasonable to contact social services without first talking to the parents. That may sound sensible, but if you do have serious concerns about these people, you *may* be putting yourself in a very difficult position by identifying yourself.

If you feel that you cannot speak to the parents on the neighbourly basis that some posters have suggested, then I would contact Social Services. You can do so anonymously, and they will respect that. They are very aware of the issues of identifying neighbours, and will imply that the report could have come from a number of houses.
If you know the Health Visitor, and could have a chat with her, that might work, but unless she is already aware of the issues, she would have to suggest contacting Social Services.

I do wish you all the best. I have been in this position and it is almost unbearable. I do hope you can do something that makes you feel better and helps the family.

GwylimT

Mojisola wrote: »

Not leave the baby in her room to cry for hours on end, day after day, week after week.

Keep the baby with them downstairs, carry her around, get out of the house for a walk or in the car, visit other people in the evening with the baby so the neighbours get a break and so on.

You can't just assume that is happening though, I live in a flat and I know when our son was crying it was audible next door no matter what room he was in, it doesn't meant a child is left in the same place or left alone. If you're sleep deprived you certainly shouldn't be driving, I didn't drive at all for the first five months after my son was born as it simply wouldn't be safe.

They have an older child so evening visits are likely out of the question as their other child needs to be tucked up in bed.

OP, I think the first thing you need to do is think about a realistic solution, often you cannot control when or how long a baby will cry for, you however can manage certain things, such as trying ear plugs and head phones while watching the television.

If you're stressed you need to think about how stressed mum and dad are, I would personally start off with the nicely nicely approach so ask things like "how is the little one doing?" "Is daughter/son enjoying being a big brother/sister?" Try to show an interest, when you are a parent with a difficult baby it can be really nice to actually be asked something positive. Then move onto the "oh dear, did little one have a tough day yesterday?" Don't however be surprised if you get tears, an annoyed look etc, it is very difficult to spend everyday which a distressed baby as you are absolutely powerless to help them.

Depending on how they react you can move on, such as a 'friend' talking about different classes etc your local sure start and you thought they sounded lovely for you and the baby etc. You need to try balancing being supportive and understanding while letting neighbour know you can hear the crying, which they most likely know and are rather embarrassed about it themselves.

Mojisola

GwylimT wrote: »

You can't just assume that is happening though, I live in a flat and I know when our son was crying it was audible next door no matter what room he was in, it doesn't meant a child is left in the same place or left alone.

I'm sure the OP can tell whether the noise is coming from one place in the house or whether the baby is being moved around.

If you're sleep deprived you certainly shouldn't be driving, I didn't drive at all for the first five months after my son was born as it simply wouldn't be safe.

They have an older child so evening visits are likely out of the question as their other child needs to be tucked up in bed.

There are two parents in the house.

If you're stressed you need to think about how stressed mum and dad are, I would personally start off with the nicely nicely approach so ask things like "how is the little one doing?" "Is daughter/son enjoying being a big brother/sister?" Try to show an interest, when you are a parent with a difficult baby it can be really nice to actually be asked something positive. Then move onto the "oh dear, did little one have a tough day yesterday?" Don't however be surprised if you get tears, an annoyed look etc, it is very difficult to spend everyday which a distressed baby as you are absolutely powerless to help them.

How can the OP try the nicely nicely approach when the parents won't even response to a "Hello"?

It's a nightmare having a baby who cries a lot, especially if there is a health issue like colic, but if you live in a terrace or a semi you should be considerate towards your neighbours and that means finding ways of reducing the hours of crying or sometimes getting out of the house with the baby.

lulu_92

GwylimT wrote: »

You can't just assume that is happening though, I live in a flat and I know when our son was crying it was audible next door no matter what room he was in, it doesn't meant a child is left in the same place or left alone. If you're sleep deprived you certainly shouldn't be driving, I didn't drive at all for the first five months after my son was born as it simply wouldn't be safe.

They have an older child so evening visits are likely out of the question as their other child needs to be tucked up in bed.

OP, I think the first thing you need to do is think about a realistic solution, often you cannot control when or how long a baby will cry for, you however can manage certain things, such as trying ear plugs and head phones while watching the television.

If you're stressed you need to think about how stressed mum and dad are, I would personally start off with the nicely nicely approach so ask things like "how is the little one doing?" "Is daughter/son enjoying being a big brother/sister?" Try to show an interest, when you are a parent with a difficult baby it can be really nice to actually be asked something positive. Then move onto the "oh dear, did little one have a tough day yesterday?" Don't however be surprised if you get tears, an annoyed look etc, it is very difficult to spend everyday which a distressed baby as you are absolutely powerless to help them.

Depending on how they react you can move on, such as a 'friend' talking about different classes etc your local sure start and you thought they sounded lovely for you and the baby etc. You need to try balancing being supportive and understanding while letting neighbour know you can hear the crying, which they most likely know and are rather embarrassed about it themselves.

Seeing the interaction they have with the many friends/family members that visit their house in a week I highly doubt they would be dependent on my support.

The one other noise I hear just as much as the crying is laughter from them. I always hear the mum laughing, sometimes at the same time as the crying. It's all very confusing.

Better_Days

OP I feel for you.

When my brother was born (I was 10 at the time) he screamed and screamed and screamed. His milk was changed after a while which helped a bit, but he was eventually diagnosed with Chrohn's (although not until his late teens).

Even now, many years on I recall being on 'pram duty' when I got home from school, rocking the pram for hours trying to get him to settle. It was awful for the whole family, incredibly disruptive, and must have been just as bad for the neighbours.

I think that one of the things that is so stressful in your situation is the lack of control that you have. It is not nice sitting at home listening to noise from next door for months on end (been there too).

I do think some posters have been unfair. You have clearly thought about the situation a lot, sought advice and not acted in haste (by any stretch of the imagination). I also think that the neighbours should at the very least have apologised to you for the disturbance. However, if they haven't by now it's unlikely that they are going to.

I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions beyond what has already been posted, other than perhaps some wireless noise cancelling headphones which you can walk around the house in listening to music or the radio or TV - might help you relax and give some relief from the crying. I do hope this resolves for you soon.

meer53

lulu_92 wrote: »

This raises an interesting point. Many other posters have told me to go round. I'm intrigued to know how everyone else would react to a disgruntled neighbour.

My MIL and my own mum agree that the crying shouldn't be this constant at 6 months. I know you can't generalise with babies, although I do have to give MIL credit as she has three kids, all of which were in hospital when they were babies for everything including croup (OH nearly died) and heart problems etc.

I suppose I get more frustrated that the only relief from it is when I am asleep or at work, which isn't really fair. Why should I change my lifestyle and not be in the house because of a child that a) isn't mine and b) doesn't live with me?

The older child doesn't help things, like I've said. I guess my next concern is the baby growing up and acting in a similar way, as I've seen his behaviour. (happened with my three cousins. the younger two were good as gold and the eldest was a nightmare. Now all three are nightmares)

If you're going to worry about any long term problems with your neighbours then you have another option. Move. Seems a bit OTT but unless you can either resolve it with them or learn to live with any issues then you're always going to be worried about it.

If you're already worrying about what the future will be like, you're never going to be able to relax. YOU have to make a decision. If it were me, i'd go round and try to explain my concerns but everyone is different.