Baby next door crying non-stop!

PartTimeMe

Reading this thread with tears running down my face. When my son was born he did nothing but scream whenever he wasn't sleeping, and he slept for less than a hour at a time then it would take several hours to settle him.

He would scream the second he was put down. For most of the first year I had to hold him or wear him in a sling just to get through the day. Add in severe reflux and we both needed 6-8 full outfits a day plus stripping the cot and our bed everyday. Our washing machine and dryer were on 24hrs a day for months.

If I got a few 45min sleeps in a 24hr period, that was a good day.

We live a semi-detatched. I used to be completely mortified, to the point where I would avoid them, even though they were lovely about it. The attached neighbours just denied ever hearing it. The other side (not attached) would jokingly say in passing "so, still not sleeping then?".

If had a neighbour who complained or tried to make me feel guilty, I think it would have tipped me over the edge. We were barely holding it together and getting through each day any way we could. We honestly tried everything to stop him but nothing worked, in fact his sleeping didn't improve until 18months, the crying was earlier though.

I would not go back to that part of my life for anything. I don't know how I got through it without one of us getting hurt, even now just thinking about it makes me cry.

Please, please think carefully about what you do / say. However unpleasant it is for you, and I'm sure it is, it must be worse for them.

minerva_windsong

I'm with you OP. I don't have any children myself but my eldest nephew suffered terribly with colic as a baby and was a screamer, and my sister did go round to the neighbours and say "I'm so sorry if he's disturbing you" even though none of them had said anything to her. The vast majority of people are not horrible child-haters; they will understand that babies cry and sometimes, although you are doing everything in your power to stop them, nothing will work. But equally, as overwhelming as it is, I do think if you're the parents you should say something to neighbours if possible - to boost good will if nothing else.


I know you said there were other people coming round so is it possible to talk to them at all? What about the dad (I presume there is a dad as you said a family of three) - is he a bit more receptive? If not then I would seriously think about the soundproofing - try pitching it to your OH as an investment to help with selling the house - or going round with an offer of cake or food and things going from there.

Tropez

I can't offer any advice, but I do feel for you OP. The sound of babies screaming is one that I have never been able to abide. I was late for school on several occasions because if there was a baby screaming on the bus I'd get off at the next stop and wait for the next one.

To have that noise intrude on the time after work when you should be relaxing must be hellish - it'd be unbearable for me.

And before anyone complains, I get it, I do - babies scream, some more than others. But it's a horrible noise to some of us. Hopefully you can work something out and that the screaming period ends soon.

lostinrates

lulu_92 wrote: »

I'd like to thank everyone who gave constructive advice similar to this.

My only reason for not going for the coffee suggestion is that she doesn't even say hello or acknowledge us, no matter how hard we try.

Well, maybe she's embarrassed about the noise.

Maybe she hears you through the wall but hasn't even considered the impact the noise is having on you. ( I think this is surprisingly common, every experience bar one I've had with noise this has been the case I think). This might mean she thinks YOU are frightful people.

Do you bake? My usual tactic is to turn up with an 'over supply' of biscuits or cake we cannot possibly get through, but with the little boy they will surely be able to. And maybe an age appropriate gift for the baby?

GwylimT

PartTimeMe wrote: »

Reading this thread with tears running down my face. When my son was born he did nothing but scream whenever he wasn't sleeping, and he slept for less than a hour at a time then it would take several hours to settle him.

He would scream the second he was put down. For most of the first year I had to hold him or wear him in a sling just to get through the day. Add in severe reflux and we both needed 6-8 full outfits a day plus stripping the cot and our bed everyday. Our washing machine and dryer were on 24hrs a day for months.

If I got a few 45min sleeps in a 24hr period, that was a good day.

We live a semi-detatched. I used to be completely mortified, to the point where I would avoid them, even though they were lovely about it. The attached neighbours just denied ever hearing it. The other side (not attached) would jokingly say in passing "so, still not sleeping then?".

If had a neighbour who complained or tried to make me feel guilty, I think it would have tipped me over the edge. We were barely holding it together and getting through each day any way we could. We honestly tried everything to stop him but nothing worked, in fact his sleeping didn't improve until 18months, the crying was earlier though.

I would not go back to that part of my life for anything. I don't know how I got through it without one of us getting hurt, even now just thinking about it makes me cry.

Please, please think carefully about what you do / say. However unpleasant it is for you, and I'm sure it is, it must be worse for them.

Your little one sounds like mine, whenever he went quiet our first thought was "he's dead" because it was so rare, the most he slept was around 45 minutes until he was seven months old. He was in hospital until he was ten weeks and his nurses used to wear ear defenders!

notanewuser

It's possible that they don't know baby is crying. My nieces live in a semi which is better insulated between the floors than between the houses. Their neighbour heard the babies cry before they did, sometimes!

lostinrates

PartTimeMe wrote: »

Reading this thread with tears running down my face. When my son was born he did nothing but scream whenever he wasn't sleeping, and he slept for less than a hour at a time then it would take several hours to settle him.

He would scream the second he was put down. For most of the first year I had to hold him or wear him in a sling just to get through the day. Add in severe reflux and we both needed 6-8 full outfits a day plus stripping the cot and our bed everyday. Our washing machine and dryer were on 24hrs a day for months.

If I got a few 45min sleeps in a 24hr period, that was a good day.

We live a semi-detatched. I used to be completely mortified, to the point where I would avoid them, even though they were lovely about it. The attached neighbours just denied ever hearing it. The other side (not attached) would jokingly say in passing "so, still not sleeping then?".

If had a neighbour who complained or tried to make me feel guilty, I think it would have tipped me over the edge. We were barely holding it together and getting through each day any way we could. We honestly tried everything to stop him but nothing worked, in fact his sleeping didn't improve until 18months, the crying was earlier though.

I would not go back to that part of my life for anything. I don't know how I got through it without one of us getting hurt, even now just thinking about it makes me cry.

Please, please think carefully about what you do / say. However unpleasant it is for you, and I'm sure it is, it must be worse for them.

This is tremendously sad. And brave of you to post, but I don't think its fair to OP or people in her position.

If some one 'complained' they would not have been trying to make you feel guilty I hope, merely trying to see if there was someway the impact on them could be lessened.

'However unpleasant it is for you it must be worse for them'. Well, they obviously have no risk of post natal depression. Nor the physical demands of caring for and feeding a tiny and special person. But they often suffer significant loss of sleep while working, and ' neighbours baby was up all night' is rarely taken well. OP also doesn't get the joyous bits either.


I like babies and would be forgiving and understanding, and don't want this to be read by you as 'an attack'. Because its really, sincerely not.

lulu_92

GwylimT wrote: »

Your little one sounds like mine, whenever he went quiet our first thought was "he's dead" because it was so rare, the most he slept was around 45 minutes until he was seven months old. He was in hospital until he was ten weeks and his nurses used to wear ear defenders!

I feel for you both, I really do. Please don't think I'm a heartless, childless young person who doesn't understand!

I've not said anything because I don't know the underlying reason and maybe she would be uncomfortable disclosing that with a relative stranger.

I don't think I've given her a reason to think I'm frightful. When I saw them moving in I wanted to make sure we got off to a good start because in my old house we didn't know the neighbours at all and I like knowing there's people I can trust about Their complaint about our noise was because our front door was sticking and I had to keep opening it to make sure it locked.

@notanewuser they must be able to. Their house is the same layout as ours, built exactly the same. If I can say hello to my friend downstairs when I'm in my bedroom without raising my voice then I'm pretty sure they can hear it.

notanewuser

lulu_92 wrote: »

@notanewuser they must be able to. Their house is the same layout as ours, built exactly the same. If I can say hello to my friend downstairs when I'm in my bedroom without raising my voice then I'm pretty sure they can hear it.

My in laws renovated their house, and so replaced floorboards etc with soundproofing ones and doors with solid wood ones. The result is that unless you're standing on the stairs you can hear nothing from the bedrooms.

It's not beyond the realms of possibility.

Valli

EmmyLou30 wrote: »

Well i feel for the OP too. It's impossible to approach a parent of a child when you have none of your own and expect to get a warm welcome when you mention the noise of a crying baby - impossible.

As do I hence my suggestion of ways OP could approach the parents without being antagonistic.