I don't feel like i'm suited for relationships. your thoughts/any advice?

kingslayer

Okay, I've read the replies and I'm going to look through previous threads of mine for the good advice that was given.

I find that I do focus a lot on sex than forming real bonds, although saying that, it would be nice to meet someone. I am somewhat in two minds - I do want to meet someone and possibly get into a relationship, but I also don't know for certain that I could see myself with one woman for years.

kingslayer

ska_lover wrote: »

I asked you how old you are, Kingslayer? You know that some people wait an awfully long time to meet ''the one''.

We don't naturally meet them as a young adult, they might arrive in our lives much later in life

I turned 26 this month, so I'm not that young. I find most people have had at least one serious relationship by my age.

That's the thing, I'm in two minds to whether I really want to meet the "one" and spend my life with one person. I am not saying I'd cheat, and even if that thought came into my head, I would break up with that person rather than cheat.

I still don't know what I really want, but I feel experiencing a relationship will allow me to make a decision on that part of my life.

Pollycat

kingslayer wrote: »

I turned 26 this month, so I'm not that young. I find most people have had at least one serious relationship by my age.

That's the thing, I'm in two minds to whether I really want to meet the "one" and spend my life with one person. I am not saying I'd cheat, and even if that thought came into my head, I would break up with that person rather than cheat.

I still don't know what I really want, but I feel experiencing a relationship will allow me to make a decision on that part of my life.

As long as you don't lead somebody on.

Like this:

kingslayer wrote: »

here's the thing. I met this girl about a year or so ago and things were going okay, but we weren't in a relationship and i never slept with her; we were just casually hanging out. I became distant as wasn't sure what i wanted, but on top of that my life was (and still is, somewhat) a bit messed up with not knowing where i'm heading etc. She met someone else, but it only lasted a short time (about 2 months) and she has been getting in touch with me again. I started texting her about a 2 months ago, but then stopped talking to her. She again has initiated the contact and about an hour ago i received a text from her out of the blue, just saying "hey" and that was it. I really don't know what to do about her; she is nice enough, but i'm just not sure about pursuing a relationship with her. I know it's what she wants, but i don't know if i want that with her specifically.

BrassicWoman

kingslayer wrote: »

I still don't know what I really want, but I feel experiencing a relationship will allow me to make a decision on that part of my life.

How lovely for women to be your personal science lab.

kingslayer

BrassicWoman wrote: »

How lovely for women to be your personal science lab.

not at all. plenty of relationships end and run their course, but it would help me determine if that's what i want. It would be better for me to end it with someone if it isn't working out on my part, than constantly getting into relationships, then a couple months later i want out. I am willing to give a relationship time to develop, but if it doesn't feel right, it maybe never will.

BrassicWoman

kingslayer wrote: »

not at all. plenty of relationships end and run their course, but it would help me determine if that's what i want. It would be better for me to end it with someone if it isn't working out on my part, than constantly getting into relationships, then a couple months later i want out. I am willing to give a relationship time to develop, but if it doesn't feel right, it maybe never will.

Once again, this appears to be all about you, and the effect on you, and what you want.

No? No hint of a light bulb over your head at all? No glimmer of things that are not revolving around you?

ska_lover

kingslayer wrote: »

I turned 26 this month, so I'm not that young. I find most people have had at least one serious relationship by my age.

That's the thing, I'm in two minds to whether I really want to meet the "one" and spend my life with one person. I am not saying I'd cheat, and even if that thought came into my head, I would break up with that person rather than cheat.

I still don't know what I really want, but I feel experiencing a relationship will allow me to make a decision on that part of my life.

You are still young - I know you don't think so, but in the grand scheme of things, you are. Don't worry about what ''most people'' are doing, just try and figure out your own path.

I think if you are even having thoughts that you don't want to be in a commited relationship then to be fair, you are not really a suitable candidate for one - as most folk expect a relationship to be monogamous. I am not saying that is immaturity cos lots of blokes blag it and get married only to end up breaking someones heart and leaving kids without Dads.

You need to work on yourself - BEFORE even attempting to meet someone. Getting to know yourself needs to be your main priority before dragging someone else into the mix and potentially breaking someones heart.

What isn't cool is - meeting someone and being in a relationship until someone else you want to shag comes along - which is pretty much what you sound like you may well do. You are struggling to meet one suitable partner at the moment, so to expect a 2nd one to come along and start waving her fanny in ur face is a bit overselling the situation, to be fair

You do not use women as 'testers' to find out what you want, you need to do that all by yourself.

ska_lover

kingslayer wrote: »

not at all. plenty of relationships end and run their course, but it would help me determine if that's what i want. It would be better for me to end it with someone if it isn't working out on my part, than constantly getting into relationships, then a couple months later i want out. I am willing to give a relationship time to develop, but if it doesn't feel right, it maybe never will.

Yes some do run their course, BUT there is a massive difference between genuinely getting into a relationship you believe in, and seeing a future in AND pre planning to use someone to work out the mess in your own head.

You can't say anything to compare your thoughts to other commited relationships because the two are so far apart, not even on the same playing field

Lily-Rose_3

The OP is 26?!! I thought he was about 14.

HPoirot

Not sure what the problem is? Does the OP want to settle down, or meet the one? Does he want to meet the one while playing the field? Does he want to keep playing the field and not bother about a relationship??? I get the feeling the OP keeps going round in circles over these things?

FWIW I think there is nothing to worry about over not having found the one at 26. Or even not having had a serious relationship by that age, I was 28 before I had a really serious relationship. But... if you are looking for a serious relationship while thinking you will be cheating on her... why bother?