Debt has ended my relationship :(

san1_2

Well, my debt reached the out of control stage this payday. Wednesday 30th was my payday and every single penny has now gone in repayments and charges. Had I been thinking I would have said "No more!" and allowed some/all of it to default. Sadly I was still thinking I could bail out the sinking ship that is my finances/life.

Anyway, Thursday night I told my OH that I did not have the money to contribute to any of the bills etc this month and explained that I had basically used debt to pay these since we moved in together and that the juggling act has had to stop.

Im not entirely sure how much I owe. However, my OH has slept in the livingroom and not spoke a word since Thursday.

chesky

So what do you want to do?

san1_2

Now trying to plan what to do next...These will all have serious implications for OH as I dont think that he could pay all the bills himself and I would not be able to give him any money until my next pay day on August 27th (if I am able to get my salary away from my RBS account to somewhere safe in time)

option 1- Move back in with my parents. Ask parents for help financially for this month to give OH enough to pay bills.
option 2- Tough it out here. Again asking parents for some help to pay the bills this month.

moohound

Have you contacted one of the debt charities, like Stepchange.

Try not to despair, there is a solution to your debt, but it won't be quick or easy.

Your OH might be in a better frame of mind if you have a solution rather than just a problem.

You can do some positive things, like get a list of creditors ready and a list of amounts owed.

You need to sort out a safe basic bank account somewhere if you are going to default and go into debt management.

Do your parents know about the debts already?

chesky

I understand that you're in a state of panic. But I don't think you've had your 'light bulb moment' even now. You say had you been thinking you would have defaulted. But no, had you been thinking you would have been straight with your partner. Had you been thinking you would know how much you owe and now be considering how to address your debts.

If you want to do this, people on here will help you, but you seem to want to run back to your parents and hope the underlying problem will go away. It won't.

Why don't you sit down and work out roughly the size of the debt(s), then at least we'll know where you stand.

san1_2

My parents dont know anything about my debt situation. They know I took student loan for my final year at uni (have since paid this back from salary) but nothing about cards, loans and accounts.

I have a Clydesdale Bank account I have not used really in a couple of years. Still get statements etc although it is registered at my parents address. I was thinking of using that.

I have not spoken to a debt organisation as of yet.

san1_2

chesky wrote: »

I understand that you're in a state of panic. But I don't think you've had your 'light bulb moment' even now. You say had you been thinking you would have defaulted. But no, had you been thinking you would have been straight with your partner. Had you been thinking you would know how much you owe and now be considering how to address your debts.

If you want to do this, people on here will help you, but you seem to want to run back to your parents and hope the underlying problem will go away. It won't.

Why don't you sit down and work out roughly the size of the debt(s), then at least we'll know where you stand.

Thanks, tough words but needed I think. Running back home is not something I really want to do but if things are over between OH and I then I will have to go somewhere.

I am dreading working out exactly what I owe. Also I have deliberately sent a good bit of my mail straight to recycling. I still have things that need paid this month but have literally no money to pay them so I imagine more charges will mess up any total I can come up with.

Thrugelmir

san1 wrote: »

Im not entirely sure how much I owe.

Then make a list.

Give the National Debt Line a call, it's a free phone number.

As it's up to you to make the first move. Once you do so others maybe more supportive.

chesky

The two options you've given yourself aren't necessarily yours alone to control -your partner may want a say in them. Moo hound has given very sound advice which you should act on sooner rather than later.
Come back when you have made your list and maybe have phoned step change.

saraih

This must have been a shock to realise! The first thing to do is write down everything you owe. Nobody can really advise you until you do this.

If you can find the creditors name, type of debt (card, loan, HP), amount owed, what percent interest they are on and the exact situation for all of them (defaulted, paid up but can't any more etc) then people here or at a debt charity could give you some realistic options.

A parachute account is always useful, just make sure you don't owe Clydesdale any money

You also need to note if any of this is shared debt, ie have you dropped OH in it? coming up with a workable solution might soften OH's attitude or it might not, but firstly you need to see your exact situation with clarity.

Good luck!

edit:

I am dreading working out exactly what I owe. Also I have deliberately sent a good bit of my mail straight to recycling.

Try a free CRA report from equifax, experian, noddle, checkmyfile etc. They won't catch everything but if you haven't used the free trials then experian and equifax will have a lot between them. Just remember to cancel before the month is up.

chesky

Don't despair - by posting on here you have taken a big step. The first on your way back.