Debt has ended my relationship :(

sourcrates

Hi,
Having just read your thread all the way through, it strikes me you are still putting credit repayments above essential bills...........this must stop as from now.


You have been given excellent advice in previous posts, and I would follow up on that, but, until you are in a position to start moving forward, do not make any more credit repayments at all.


Write to each creditor,(write, don't phone or email) tell them you are in financial difficulties, explain that you are seeking help from stepchange (or whoever) and until your situation is stabilised, you will not be making any more payments.


Don't panic, nothing bad will happen, you may receive calls and letters, but just tell them you are seeking help and will be in touch.
You must pay your essential bills, ie, mortgage/rent, water, gas, electric, council tax etc first.
All unsecured borrowing is non essential, despite what anyone else may tell you.

san1_2

jackieblack wrote: »

Talk to your OH.
It may be the secrecy/lies/deceit (depending on point of view) is a bigger issue than the debt.

TBH, if what you've listed is accurate, it may well be that the amount involved is not as much as they might be thinking it would be (from your OP I was expecting it to be alot more)

Thanks, I know people are dealing with much bigger debts. If I had fulltime work I could cope, but I can earn anything from £600 a month to £1500 a month and with it being summer holidays my next wage will be small.

hieveryone

I'm assuming you are a teacher? Are you on the supply list?

If I had been you and knowing that I was coming up to the summer holidays I would have gotten a part time job instead of being off work for 6/7 weeks with no/little pay. But that is in the past now.

In your position, (assuming you are on supply), I would take myself off the supply register for say, 6 months, get a full time job in a shop/bar/restaurant and blitz the debt, going back to supply work when you are more solvent.

Apologies if the above sounds harsh, but if what I've written re: the job situation is true, then it's no wonder your OH is pee'd off.

san1_2

asparagus1968 wrote: »

hiya, could you fill this statement of affairs out do you you think?

OH must be a bit shocked/disappointed, just like you are. He may be thinking he has to bail you out or finish the relationship. you need him to see other choices:-


if this were me I'd write down my plan of action to show him.


1.the above S.O.A-showing what changes can be made/cutbacks/getting rid/reducing


2.cut up all cards.


3.organise wages to go into new bank account


4.speak to a free debt charity


5.new budget from above




sell stuff( free to do on facebook, have to pay fees on ebay)
extra jobs- employed or cleaning/dog walking/ironing/paper round etc etc
could you downsize your car(if you have one!)
read the "up your income" and grocery and meal planning posts on "old style" on MSE.


good luck, you will always get help and support by carrying on posting here

Thanks for the calculator.. not sure how best to treat fluctuating wage on the budget?

Car wise I have a 2010 Fiat 500 (£0 Road Tax, done 23000miles). Spoke to the council last week and asked if they were any further forward in placing me into a school for new school year (which starts in just over a week).

Was basically told that due to the large number of vacancies and the fact that there will be no permanent appointments (yet again) they were still working to place their supply staff. I am entitled to 2 days work per week through employment rights and try to make this up to full time, which I have not managed so far.

I know people with more employment rights than me who have just signed a year contract. If I get that, and it is close enough, I would sell the car.

san1_2

Mort wrote: »

If the variance is due to irregular overtime, seasonal variance or non guaranteed bonuses/allowances you should work out your budget on the amount you get in a flat month. This is what I did with Payplan when in our DMP.

If you are changing your bank account don't delay getting in touch with your employers pay department.

Good luck.

Thanks Mort, I am a supply teacher, no permanent jobs to be had but I do have employment rights to 2 days per week. I usually get more and during my last two years on supply have worked all but 30 school days. The problem is the pay varies wildly due to council pay cycle for supply staff.

san1_2

Dozey_crow wrote: »

Hi San 1

Sorry to hear of the situation you are in. You are not on your own though. If you look through the heads there are others who have her into an unmanageable situation and/or then had to confess to a partner. You can get through it. Doing the so a willn help because there's are lots of savvy people on here who can help you cut costs.

I just wanted to comment on your oh. I think that if I were him I would be beyond furious if we were having problems but my oh was expecting me to cover their share of the bills for a month. Even more so if all of this was dumped on my last minute. I realize that I don't know the inns and out s of your relationship, household finances and what had been agreed between you before and don't mean to upset you.

I think the decent thing would be to ask your parents for the money for this month and offer to give oh some space to think by moving back there for a week or so. Hope it all works out.

Thanks Dozey, the agreement was there from the very start on shared bills etc. I know we have a small surplus built up which was meant to help with winter heating bills but I know my OH has been dropped in it big time.

I am trying to raise money and have an unworn outfit for a wedding next weekend that I could return (would get me about £170 although will need to check TK Maxx return policy for the bag asI think they are quite strict)

I also have things I could sell including clothes, jewellery, Ipad and shoes

san1_2

sparkychris wrote: »

Morning san1

I have no advice for you, just support...

I got my first credit card at 18 and lived in debt from that moment onwards... Had a light bulb moment when I realised that every single penny I was earning was going on paying off interest and loan repayments... I never worked out how much I owed but it was probably about £25000

So I hired a huge skip (on a credit card!), dumped everything that was worthless, sold the rest, sold my house (which was mortgaged up to the hilt) and moved into a £300 a month bedsit. (Which I loved)

It has taken me YEARS, but I am now, at 39, completely debt free and I promise you, that if you decide to take on this debt and sort it out, it will be the best move you have ever made.

If OH won't support you... Do some dumping. The next few years are all about you.

Thanks Chris, we live in a tiny flat but I do have quite a few things I could sell. I know that the next few years will be financially tight especially as the after summer holiday wage I am expecting will mean that nothing will get paid next month bar some token payments.

Congrats on being debt free

san1_2

jodles16 wrote: »

Just wanted to pop by and say there is some great advice about going forwards on here, also have a nosy at some of the money making and money saving challenges. Surveys such as onepoll.com and yougov.com can start to make a slight difference! Main thing I have learnt from this website is every little helps. Also perhaps come and join us in the 'every day may not be good, but there is something good in everyday' thread, it might help with some positivity in light of your difficult situation.

Most of all well done for figuring out your debt, telling OH and coming on here. All massive steps towards making good and positive debt changes.

Good luck,

Jodles

Thanks for the positivity Jodles, there may still be some more debt that jumps out but I think that is all of it accounted for.

san1_2

sourcrates wrote: »

Hi,
Having just read your thread all the way through, it strikes me you are still putting credit repayments above essential bills...........this must stop as from now.


You have been given excellent advice in previous posts, and I would follow up on that, but, until you are in a position to start moving forward, do not make any more credit repayments at all.


Write to each creditor,(write, don't phone or email) tell them you are in financial difficulties, explain that you are seeking help from stepchange (or whoever) and until your situation is stabilised, you will not be making any more payments.


Don't panic, nothing bad will happen, you may receive calls and letters, but just tell them you are seeking help and will be in touch.
You must pay your essential bills, ie, mortgage/rent, water, gas, electric, council tax etc first.
All unsecured borrowing is non essential, despite what anyone else may tell you.

Thanks Sourcrates, I had hoped to be able to perform one last spin of the wheel and keep the debt at bay another month. Everything just spiralled out of my control on Thursday and Friday and I threw everything at the debt. Was not thinking straight.

san1_2

hieveryone wrote: »

I'm assuming you are a teacher? Are you on the supply list?

If I had been you and knowing that I was coming up to the summer holidays I would have gotten a part time job instead of being off work for 6/7 weeks with no/little pay. But that is in the past now.

In your position, (assuming you are on supply), I would take myself off the supply register for say, 6 months, get a full time job in a shop/bar/restaurant and blitz the debt, going back to supply work when you are more solvent.

Apologies if the above sounds harsh, but if what I've written re: the job situation is true, then it's no wonder your OH is pee'd off.

Yeah I am on supply and finding it hard like everyone else. No new jobs to apply for and local authority being vicious with supply. I know I should have looked for work but it was a really hard year in the school I was working in and by the end of June I just needed my holiday!

I am hoping for a full time contract for a year as my local authority have just started handing these out to people with more employment rights than me. If I was to quit I would lose the 2 days of guaranteed work I have through employment rights. I will ring the personell department tomorrow and ask when I am likely to find out where I am going.