Debt has ended my relationship :(

dancingfairy

You will need to get a new basic bank account and get your salary paid in there.
You need to work out how much money you have each month to pay towards your debts after the essentials are taken care of. I'd say the essentials are the money towards the bills and your mobile contract.
You will need to set up payment plans with your creditors, if you contact a debt charity they can help you with this.
In terms of paying the bills this month then you have a few options -1) try and reduce the amount you need to buy. Perhaps you can do a meal plan and see how much you can slash the bill by? What have you got in the freezer or lurking at the back of the cupboard?
2) Have you got anything you can sell? Get car booting or ebaying.
3) Any cash jobs you can do? Grass cutting, dog walking, bar work, shop work, anything that will give you a bit of cash and pays weekly.
At the moment your other half is probably very shocked and upset, not least because you didn't tell him. He is possibly also worried about how he can afford the bills this month as you may have left him in a difficult decision. What you need to do is seek help and come up with a plan to get yourself back on the straight and narrow. Hopefully the shock will wear off and once he sees you are determined to tackle this he will start to come around. It will be hard and the biggest problem you will have is rebuilding the trust.
I have seen people on here that have been in this situation and it can be recovered, those where the relationship has totally broken down I think the problems tend to be long lasting and the money issue is the final straw so hopefully you two can repair things.
Best of Luck
df

san1_2

aymara wrote: »

From the other side of it although I had thoughts like that I don't actually see my partner as a burden.

Yes there will be things we can't do and I'm sure there will be times that is very frustrating but I would rather that then leave him and that's my choice not a burden. He's a lovely person and i made the choice i would rather have him than a holiday. Does that make any sense?

Yeah I understand what you are saying, things between OH and I have been rocky for a while though

hieveryone

Just to clarify - I didn't mean to upset with my post, I was just relaying my experience and how it felt to be on the other side and the thoughts that may be going through his mind.

It wasn't a case of 'wanting a holiday' or wanting to be with that person, there was a combination of things, but this was definitely one of the straws that broke the camels back.

san1_2

Thanks Dancingfairy, I have not thought about a budget yet as I have literally no money. My monthly pay varies dramatically throughout the year too which wont help matters I guess.

In terms of part-time or extra work... I should have looked for something- been on school holidays since 25th June and now only a week to go. Ebay selling is not something I have done before, will have a look and see how it works as I do have things I could sell quite quickly and easily.

san1_2

hieveryone wrote: »

Just to clarify - I didn't mean to upset with my post, I was just relaying my experience and how it felt to be on the other side and the thoughts that may be going through his mind.

It wasn't a case of 'wanting a holiday' or wanting to be with that person, there was a combination of things, but this was definitely one of the straws that broke the camels back.

Thanks hieveryone, thats ok, it didnt upset me, I just found it very hard to reply to so deleted what I had written. It was good to hear from a different perspective though.

aymara_2

hieveryone wrote: »

Just to clarify - I didn't mean to upset with my post, I was just relaying my experience and how it felt to be on the other side and the thoughts that may be going through his mind.

It wasn't a case of 'wanting a holiday' or wanting to be with that person, there was a combination of things, but this was definitely one of the straws that broke the camels back.

I'm sorry if my post came across wrong.

I completely understood what you were saying as like I said I had the same thoughts myself. I just wanted to give the OP an example where it had gone the other way.

I really didn't mean to imply that either way was the right way or to reduce your decision down to just wanting a holiday over staying with the person. That really wasn't my intention

homemademama

I would say sit down and work out your finances first. Who do you owe money to and how much etc...

Get online and open a new basic account with any bank as long as you dont owe them money.

Sit down and talk to your partner, the options you have given yourself may not work out if your partner hasn't spoken to you for days. He may make the decision for you.

Speak to your parents about your situation, not to ask for or expect help but so that if OH can't support you, you know you have them.

It's easy to bury your head or delay sorting things out but you can get help with your debts and you can get yourself out of this situation, you just have to make the effort.

Good luck x

Keeping_Positive

I found selling on local facebook grouos an easier way or raising money than ebay. Also dont forgrt gumtree.

getting-sorted-sarah

San1 - well done for coming on here and starting to make things better. With or without your OH you will turn things around. Speak to a debt charity (Stepchange are good and have an online checklist you can fill) - they can help you negotiate with creditors and stop the interest piling up so fast.
Good luck!

san1_2

homemademama wrote: »

I would say sit down and work out your finances first. Who do you owe money to and how much etc...

Get online and open a new basic account with any bank as long as you dont owe them money.

Sit down and talk to your partner, the options you have given yourself may not work out if your partner hasn't spoken to you for days. He may make the decision for you.

Speak to your parents about your situation, not to ask for or expect help but so that if OH can't support you, you know you have them.

It's easy to bury your head or delay sorting things out but you can get help with your debts and you can get yourself out of this situation, you just have to make the effort.

Good luck x

This is pretty much what I owe

Credit Card- £3500 (Halifax) up to date

Store Card- £302 (Arcadia) up to date

Car Finance- £3720 (Alfera) up to date

Overdraft- £499 (Smile Bank)

PayDayLoan 1 £200 approx (will be charges as this amount will "roll over") tried to clear this month and it has killed me!

PayDayLoan 2 £1000 approx (will not be paid at all this month, already rolled over)

Next £290 up to date

Mobile Phone- up to date but will not be paid this month

OH for bills/rent £350- will not be paid this month

I have an unused account with Clydesdale and will make arrangements for my next wage to go there. Just very glad we do not have a house phone set up- will just be my mobile that gets bombarded.

Things between OH and I have been rocky a while and this might just be the catalyst for the end to come. I will hold off speaking to my parents until I have tried the last throw of my financial dice lol