Debt has ended my relationship :(

san1_2

Keeping_Positive wrote: »

I found selling on local facebook grouos an easier way or raising money than ebay. Also dont forgrt gumtree.

Thanks, will take a look

san1_2

getting-sorted-sarah wrote: »

San1 - well done for coming on here and starting to make things better. With or without your OH you will turn things around. Speak to a debt charity (Stepchange are good and have an online checklist you can fill) - they can help you negotiate with creditors and stop the interest piling up so fast.
Good luck!

Thanks Sarah, will do that on Monday once I have sorted wages to be paid into my unused account.

san1_2

Been awake all night thinking and still not any clearer.

jackieblack

Talk to your OH.
It may be the secrecy/lies/deceit (depending on point of view) is a bigger issue than the debt.

TBH, if what you've listed is accurate, it may well be that the amount involved is not as much as they might be thinking it would be (from your OP I was expecting it to be alot more)

asparagus1968

hiya, could you fill this statement of affairs out do you you think?
http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php


OH must be a bit shocked/disappointed, just like you are. He may be thinking he has to bail you out or finish the relationship. you need him to see other choices:-


if this were me I'd write down my plan of action to show him.


1.the above S.O.A-showing what changes can be made/cutbacks/getting rid/reducing


2.cut up all cards.


3.organise wages to go into new bank account


4.speak to a free debt charity


5.new budget from above




sell stuff( free to do on facebook, have to pay fees on ebay)
extra jobs- employed or cleaning/dog walking/ironing/paper round etc etc
could you downsize your car(if you have one!)
read the "up your income" and grocery and meal planning posts on "old style" on MSE.


good luck, you will always get help and support by carrying on posting here

SOMam

Good morning San,

First of all well done for admitting there is a problem and for seeking help with it. The hardest step is done

StepChange I think is your best bet even if it is just for information or to use their fantastic tools. (The site is currently down at the moment - Hopefully it will be up again soon)

In the meantime might I suggest you complete an SOA? It not only shows your financial position but its great for highlighting problem spending (I suggest not including your OH's income unless he has told you that he is willing to help you with your debts) It will also provide you with something to discuss with your OH and also show him that you are being proactive about sorting out your situation. The fantastic guys on here will highlight areas of potential savings (the savings of which can go towards clearing your debts quicker!)
http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php (Format for MSE)

With regards to your OH, don't leave him in the dark. Be honest about your situation. If you can't be honest to someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with...then who can you be honest with?

I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do to change your situation.

Mam x

Mort

san1 wrote: »

My monthly pay varies dramatically throughout the year too which wont help matters I guess.

If the variance is due to irregular overtime, seasonal variance or non guaranteed bonuses/allowances you should work out your budget on the amount you get in a flat month. This is what I did with Payplan when in our DMP.

If you are changing your bank account don't delay getting in touch with your employers pay department.

Good luck.

Dozey_crow

Hi San 1

Sorry to hear of the situation you are in. You are not on your own though. If you look through the heads there are others who have her into an unmanageable situation and/or then had to confess to a partner. You can get through it. Doing the so a willn help because there's are lots of savvy people on here who can help you cut costs.

I just wanted to comment on your oh. I think that if I were him I would be beyond furious if we were having problems but my oh was expecting me to cover their share of the bills for a month. Even more so if all of this was dumped on my last minute. I realize that I don't know the inns and out s of your relationship, household finances and what had been agreed between you before and don't mean to upset you.

I think the decent thing would be to ask your parents for the money for this month and offer to give oh some space to think by moving back there for a week or so. Hope it all works out.

sparkychris

Morning san1

I have no advice for you, just support...

I got my first credit card at 18 and lived in debt from that moment onwards... Had a light bulb moment when I realised that every single penny I was earning was going on paying off interest and loan repayments... I never worked out how much I owed but it was probably about £25000

So I hired a huge skip (on a credit card!), dumped everything that was worthless, sold the rest, sold my house (which was mortgaged up to the hilt) and moved into a £300 a month bedsit. (Which I loved)

It has taken me YEARS, but I am now, at 39, completely debt free and I promise you, that if you decide to take on this debt and sort it out, it will be the best move you have ever made.

If OH won't support you... Do some dumping. The next few years are all about you.

jodles16

Just wanted to pop by and say there is some great advice about going forwards on here, also have a nosy at some of the money making and money saving challenges. Surveys such as onepoll.com and yougov.com can start to make a slight difference! Main thing I have learnt from this website is every little helps. Also perhaps come and join us in the 'every day may not be good, but there is something good in everyday' thread, it might help with some positivity in light of your difficult situation.

Most of all well done for figuring out your debt, telling OH and coming on here. All massive steps towards making good and positive debt changes.

Good luck,

Jodles