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Debt has ended my relationship :(
Comments
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I will report back with a list of creditors as soon as possible. The ones I have online accounts for will be easiest to get most accurate info for and I will open what post I have.0
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You need to figure out how much you owe to be able to move forward. Your OH may have a much higher figure in his mind and blowing it all out of proportion.
Also, and I think it is important having been in this position to tell you - that debt can absolutely wreck a relationship. I left a guy I had been seeing for various reasons, but his debt being one of them. It was up at 40k through gambling and he only earned 20k a year.
I simply wasn't prepared to go through the years of scrimping and saving and feeling guilty at spending money on anything. I also found myself resentful when HE spent money on anything 'luxury', as the 40k just hung around MY neck when it wasn't even my debt! I couldn't see myself being able to get a house, car, family, holidays with this person and I got totally scared off.
Definitely add up how much you owe. These are the thoughts ^^ that may be going through your OH's mind, when in reality it might be a much lower figure and sorted more quickly.
Bought is to buy. Brought is to bring.0 -
This must have been a shock to realise! The first thing to do is write down everything you owe. Nobody can really advise you until you do this.
If you can find the creditors name, type of debt (card, loan, HP), amount owed, what percent interest they are on and the exact situation for all of them (defaulted, paid up but can't any more etc) then people here or at a debt charity could give you some realistic options.
A parachute account is always useful, just make sure you don't owe Clydesdale any money
You also need to note if any of this is shared debt, ie have you dropped OH in it? coming up with a workable solution might soften OH's attitude or it might not, but firstly you need to see your exact situation with clarity.
Good luck!
Thankfully it is all in my debt and in my name- my OH is only dropped in it as far as bills/rent go. We very nearly took an interest free buy-now-pay-later out for a sofa but as our flat is so tiny we made do with something offered by a family member.
I dont think I owe Clydesdale anything unless they own a PayDay loan company.0 -
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We reached this situation this month too where if I paid all the cards there'd be no money for food etc.
luckily I knew it was coming so had my huge panic last month. I cancelled all my direct debits for August, applied for a flex account with nationwide, wrote down all our debts and filled in the debt remedy form on the stepchange website.
We've now got a month of no payments before our DMP kicks in on 1st September.
I've budgeted a weekly amount for August and will continue to do t each month.
Its very early days for us but I feel in control for the first time in years.
Good luckMaking £1,000 plus every month from home :T0 -
We reached this situation this month too where if I paid all the cards there'd be no money for food etc.
luckily I knew it was coming so had my huge panic last month. I cancelled all my direct debits for August, applied for a flex account with nationwide, wrote down all our debts and filled in the debt remedy form on the stepchange website.
We've now got a month of no payments before our DMP kicks in on 1st September.
I've budgeted a weekly amount for August and will continue to do t each month.
Its very early days for us but I feel in control for the first time in years.
Good luck
Sounds like you are in the place I need to be then! I have just worked out exactly what I owe (to the best of my knowledge anyway)
Thanks for the encourageing post!0 -
Credit Card- £3500 (Halifax) up to date
Store Card- £302 (Arcadia) up to date
Car Finance- £3720 (Alfera) up to date
Overdraft- £499 (Smile Bank)
PayDayLoan 1 £200 approx (will be charges as this amount will "roll over") tried to clear this month and it has killed me!
PayDayLoan 2 £1000 approx (will not be paid at all this month, already rolled over)
Next £290 up to date
Mobile Phone- up to date but will not be paid this month
OH for bills/rent £350- will not be paid this month0 -
Hi
I'm new to all this so have no advice to give but just wanted to say I hope everything works out for you.
I'm on the other side of this and while at first I was upset once we had options to consider I felt much better about my partners debt.
It's not been easy and thoughts such as those of the poster above about bring unable to go on holidays, buy a house together etc did make me question if I should end the relationship but I love him so it wasn't really an option. So this may not be the end of your relationship0 -
Hi
I'm new to all this so have no advice to give but just wanted to say I hope everything works out for you.
I'm on the other side of this and while at first I was upset once we had options to consider I felt much better about my partners debt.
It's not been easy and thoughts such as those of the poster above about bring unable to go on holidays, buy a house together etc did make me question if I should end the relationship but I love him so it wasn't really an option. So this may not be the end of your relationship
Thanks Aymara, I would not want to be a financial burden on anyone and that post really made me think too!0 -
From the other side of it although I had thoughts like that I don't actually see my partner as a burden.
Yes there will be things we can't do and I'm sure there will be times that is very frustrating but I would rather that then leave him and that's my choice not a burden. He's a lovely person and i made the choice i would rather have him than a holiday. Does that make any sense?0
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