Paying the kids to do housework

BigAunty

springdreams wrote: »

Nope - he'd rather starve. He will also willingly go without pocket money, his mobile phone, xbox time, outings with friends etc. rather than get on with his chores without being nagged. I have tried taking away many things to get him to do things around the house and garden without me having to constantly be on his back.

How old is he? What does he like doing? Do you offer him lifts and such like? Does he have a key for the house? Does he stay indoors for hours?

My brother left school in 5th form and showed a marked reluctance to apply for jobs. My dad used to tip him out of bed when he went to work at 7.30 and also boot him out of the house for long periods. He made life uncomfortable for him.

He also refused to lower the volume of his electric guitar and after too many refusals, my dad simply smashed it to pieces.

BTW, I am not proposing this parenting style, just saying you have yet to find a way to punish him for his laziness so the laziness endures. Whether that's by not laundering clothes, ironing them, giving him free reign in the house, withdrawing lifts, throwing his dirty clothes in the bin, giving his xbox to the charith shop or whatever.

System

He also refused to lower the volume of his electric guitar and after too many refusals, my dad simply smashed it to pieces.

I did a similar thing when my eldest son lived at home. I kept telling him to turn his music down and he'd turn it down for a few minutes then creep it up again.... so I cut the plug off.:D

BigAunty

Judi wrote: »

I did a similar thing when my eldest son lived at home. I kept telling him to turn his music down and he'd turn it down for a few minutes then creep it up again.... so I cut the plug off.:D

So, did he learn his lesson permanently, for a little while or not at all?

I can't say I endorse my father's parenting style but it's clear from the feedback on these posts that some parents haven't found out how to motivate or punish their children for their laziness and that unless the child is sufficiently rewarded or hurt or trained from an early age, the kid won't lift a finger.

System

BigAunty wrote: »

So, did he learn his lesson permanently, for a little while or not at all?

I did let him have it back eventually but yes I proved a point and that was I wasn't going to put up with it.

The Shamen on full blast wasn't repeated (when I was in the house anyway).

Carl31

We have a chore sheet. They earn money based on how many jobs they do, works out about 50p a job. They are set 2 a day they are expected to do, but can do extra and I pay bonus awards where they use initiative

I see doing jobs at home as the easiest way to show how working is. If they don't help, they don't get paid. They are expected to use this money to pay for the majority of their recreational activities, pay for their phones, buy their friends presents. In a few years, when they have to work, that's how it will be. I see far too many adults that are scared to work hard, so I hope this is teaching them an early lesson.

It took a while to get going, but has rubbed off. The eldest, now 13 is very keen to get a proper job already

springdreams

BigAunty wrote: »

How old is he? What does he like doing? Do you offer him lifts and such like? Does he have a key for the house? Does he stay indoors for hours?

My brother left school in 5th form and showed a marked reluctance to apply for jobs. My dad used to tip him out of bed when he went to work at 7.30 and also boot him out of the house for long periods. He made life uncomfortable for him.

He also refused to lower the volume of his electric guitar and after too many refusals, my dad simply smashed it to pieces.

BTW, I am not proposing this parenting style, just saying you have yet to find a way to punish him for his laziness so the laziness endures. Whether that's by not laundering clothes, ironing them, giving him free reign in the house, withdrawing lifts, throwing his dirty clothes in the bin, giving his xbox to the charith shop or whatever.

BigAunty wrote: »

So, did he learn his lesson permanently, for a little while or not at all?

I can't say I endorse my father's parenting style but it's clear from the feedback on these posts that some parents haven't found out how to motivate or punish their children for their laziness and that unless the child is sufficiently rewarded or hurt or trained from an early age, the kid won't lift a finger.

My son is 13. He has ADHD and a degree of autism. This is not an excuse for lazyness, but this does mean that he is motivated by very little, e.g. the threat of throwing his things away, not giving him pocket money or the like, as past experience has shown that he truly does not care if he does not have these things.

He does not get away with being lazy and will do his chores, but mostly, although not always, needs to be supervised in order to get him to do them. I don't need to hover over him 90% of the time, but do always need to check that he has done the chore I have asked him to do as he will not do it if he thinks he will get away with it. 10% of the time I need to be in the same room as him though to ensure that he does do his requested chore.

I have never and will never allow him to be lazy and to not help out around the house and garden. There are only the two of us and I work full time, so will be blowed if I will also become his personal servant

springdreams

Carl31 wrote: »

The eldest, now 13 is very keen to get a proper job already

My DS has applied for a paper round, but as there are already other teens doing these in our area, he is on a waiting list.

He is very into football, and has asked to do the referee course once he has turned 14 so that he can earn extra money through reffing junior matches.

Carmina-Piranha_2

My 18 year old is not motivated by money, and he'd happily starve too. Presents for friends are bags of sweets from poundland. I couldn't get him to do extra chores by offering money.

mrsHall2b

right, i read the first page or so then skipped so sorry if im a bit late to the party and repeating stuff...

im 23, lived with my parents up till i was 21 & lived with OHs parents untill i was 22. my parents went through a patch where i had to do dishes, this was fine i dont mind dishes as i drift off into my own little world and think. but me and my siblings where never made to do anything else, if my room got too bad up till i was 20 my mum would tidy it, then after that the room just ended up a complete tip. i ironed my own work clothes but nothing else. i moved in with OH and his mum expected me to keep his room tidy (he is 11 years older than me and worked full time) as i was home all day, when she got ill i also helped her around the house. now me & OH have our own place and whilst im nowhere near as bad as i was when i lived at home i am still not the tidiest person ever, i hoover every day, i do dishes every day, i make the bed every day & wash clothes every day but aside from that i dont do much by way of housework. my parents always allowed me to be this way and so i always have been. i do try but 21 years of being a complete lazy slob is quite hard to change...

however now, i get my 2year old to help me with whatever im doing, she tidys her room, she gets their mat out for them to eat on, both my 1 &2 year old put their own plates in the sink when theyve finished eating, they both put their own rubbish in the bin when they finish. they will both help load & unload the washing machine and will follow me around the house with cloths when i am polishing/scrubbing the stains out of the carpet! im hoping it will make them more helpful, unlike me...

FBaby

I can't say I endorse my father's parenting style but it's clear from the feedback on these posts that some parents haven't found out how to motivate or punish their children for their laziness and that unless the child is sufficiently rewarded or hurt or trained from an early age, the kid won't lift a finger.

If it very true that not teaching good habits from an early age is likely to result in lazy teenagers, what I have discovered is that the opposite doesn't forcibly apply. Like many, I assumed that if my kids were taught properly about helping around, that I gave them tasks from an early age, do the reward/punishment thing, that they would have taken all this both in terms of habits and appreciating why it is important that they help.

The reality is that they are like so many teenagers, they will do as little as they can get away with and challenging them on it will result in moaning and grunting.

I have spoken to a friend I haven't seen for a while whose son is the same age than my DD, and sure enough, she herself brought up how difficult it was to deal with the exact same issues relating to lazyness! She too brought him up to help around the house.

however now, i get my 2year old to help me with whatever im doing, she tidys her room, she gets their mat out for them to eat on, both my 1 &2 year old put their own plates in the sink when theyve finished eating, they both put their own rubbish in the bin when they finish. they will both help load & unload the washing machine and will follow me around the house with cloths when i am polishing/scrubbing the stains out of the carpet! im hoping it will make them more helpful, unlike me..

The thing is, at that age, they think it is fun! My kids were great too at helping when they were little, and even until recently, they did get on with things with much less need for prompting and much less grumpiness as a response. It is a phase, I'm sure, but yes, it is a shock when you think you've done all the right thing all through the years to witness that the results is not what you expected!