Paying the kids to do housework

YORKSHIRELASS

Well, interesting discussion.

Like FBaby I did bring mine up to help. I think that teenagers are very good at manipulating things and getting what they want and sometimes there is a real temptation to just give in.

Oh and we have tried the sitting around the table thing and chatting. They will agree to do anything - until it actually comes to it.

I have been at work this morning. DS1 (15) has been at home. He made a jacket potato and beans for lunch. There are pots in the sink, his plate of leftovers on the worktop and the teatowel is covered in baked beans for some reason. I have asked him - nicely - twice now to clear it up and it still hasnt happened.

Like everyone else who has posted I love my kids to bits. They are polite, well behaved boys who so far have never give us a bit of bother. I just feel like they treat me like a doormat at home and I have had enough.

greeneggs_2

Mine is much younger so this might be ridiculous, but I would refuse to cook a meal until they've fixed it - I might even go so far as to get myself a takeaway to prove a point!

victory

4.20 and happy to say eldest son has come down and outside mowing the lawn, while youngest is gathering black bags and going to bag it up:D

victory

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

Well, interesting discussion.

Like FBaby I did bring mine up to help. I think that teenagers are very good at manipulating things and getting what they want and sometimes there is a real temptation to just give in.

Oh and we have tried the sitting around the table thing and chatting. They will agree to do anything - until it actually comes to it.

I have been at work this morning. DS1 (15) has been at home. He made a jacket potato and beans for lunch. There are pots in the sink, his plate of leftovers on the worktop and the teatowel is covered in baked beans for some reason. I have asked him - nicely - twice now to clear it up and it still hasnt happened.

Like everyone else who has posted I love my kids to bits. They are polite, well behaved boys who so far have never give us a bit of bother. I just feel like they treat me like a doormat at home and I have had enough.

Not me personally but I know of a mum that everytime there was any kind of mess made by her children she went upstairs into their rooms with it and left it on their bed:rotfl: a bit extreme I think but apparently her kids absolutely hated coming back home to find that their beds had things plonked on it and with a bit more huffing and puffing and tooing and frooing it all stopped and now they realise to clean up after themselves and it is a much easier household to be in:D

FBaby

Day trips out are targeted to the audience, no point taking them to see a museum of historian archaeology for eg

And that's where it is more difficult for us. We are a recomposed family with very different interests. DD likes TV series, cinema, fantasy books, all the things that I have no interest in at all and nor do the rest of the family. DS loves football, we don't. OH and I like nature, walks, cycling, something that DS and DD don't care for at all.... It is very difficult to find something we all enjoy, even me with DS and DD only. Family events are limited as most family lives abroad and is quite small anyway, and there is the limit of time (working full-time, kids with their dad every Saturdays) and limit of money as all the things they are interested in are not free! That's why I will force them to do activities that they might not want to do. A few weeks ago, I forced DS to go on a special walk, which prompted a massive sulk, but I ignored it and 10 mns into it, discovering some unusual things, he really got into it and finished going on and on about how much he loved it! Very much depends on the mood though!

Because they are teenagers it is not a direct personal attack into your parenting, your attention to detail of how you raised them, it is nothing like that, not one thing to do with you personally, never see it like that,it is because they are teenagers, they like a drama, a row, a confrontation, a multi layered answer, a quick retort ( disclaimer not all teenagers)

Oh I don't take it personally at all, thankfully! I know I am the most important person in their lives and they do love me, but it doesn't take away the issue that I thought they would be different teenagers

Ignore, be factual, sit back, go deaf, wait it out, job done

that applies to DD who indeed, will go on and do the things I ask in her own time, but doesn't apply to DS at all, who will only get his on with things if I nag, get cross, threaten. Him getting on with a task in his own time through ignorance of the rest is a rarity, when he happens to be in an exceptional good mood as a result of something I have no control over (ie, his favourite football team winning against their main rival!).

FBaby

KxMx wrote: »

When I was 6/7 and having to make my own packed lunch (under supervision) I hated that I had to do it and Mum wasn't doing it for me.

20 or so years later I realise the enormous value in how she raised me!

Absolutely, i think this is part of going through the tough times or raising teenagers, accepting to be 'hated' despite all you do for them on the belief that one day, they will appreciate what we did for them. That's why teenage years are so rubbish for many parents (as everyone told me before when their kids were teenagers!).

FBaby

I have been at work this morning. DS1 (15) has been at home. He made a jacket potato and beans for lunch. There are pots in the sink, his plate of leftovers on the worktop and the teatowel is covered in baked beans for some reason. I have asked him - nicely - twice now to clear it up and it still hasnt happened.

Ha ha, I can so relate to this!!! I was in the belief that girls were worse teenagers than boys, but I am experiencing the opposite. I suppose because DD doesn't do the drama thing that many have to deal with. She can be lazy, but she will respond to what I ask her to do in a reasonable time frame. It's DS who is really difficult with duties. On one hand, he doesn't want to think for himself and organise his time, preferring to leave me to remind him of everything, but then he hates to be told what to do. We had that conversation that if he arranged his time so that the few things I expect him to do were done, I wouldn't need to tell him what to do. He agrees totally, but still doesn't do it

Saying that, I left for 1 1/2 and when I came back, he had put his clothes into the washing basket. I won't be fooled into thinking that he has taking it upon himself to get on with the rest of the tasks, I'm sure his bedroom is absolute mayhem!

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

And that's where it is more difficult for us. We are a recomposed family with very different interests. DD likes TV series, cinema, fantasy books, all the things that I have no interest in at all and nor do the rest of the family. DS loves football, we don't. OH and I like nature, walks, cycling, something that DS and DD don't care for at all.... It is very difficult to find something we all enjoy, even me with DS and DD only.

Friends of mine with a similar range of interests made a rule that each family member took a turn at choosing the outing and no-one was allowed to spoil another person's choice by moaning .:)

As you said, it was surprising how often the others found something that interested them.

victory

FBaby wrote: »

And that's where it is more difficult for us. We are a recomposed family with very different interests. DD likes TV series, cinema, fantasy books, all the things that I have no interest in at all and nor do the rest of the family. DS loves football, we don't. OH and I like nature, walks, cycling, something that DS and DD don't care for at all.... It is very difficult to find something we all enjoy, even me with DS and DD only. Family events are limited as most family lives abroad and is quite small anyway, and there is the limit of time (working full-time, kids with their dad every Saturdays) and limit of money as all the things they are interested in are not free! That's why I will force them to do activities that they might not want to do. A few weeks ago, I forced DS to go on a special walk, which prompted a massive sulk, but I ignored it and 10 mns into it, discovering some unusual things, he really got into it and finished going on and on about how much he loved it! Very much depends on the mood though!





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Two out of the four of us the latest craze is kayaking, white water rafting, river boating, OH decided he wanted to do something on the river goggled decided he would try a course, youngest at first said no way, not a chance, not going, dad you have gone mad so OH went alone, came back full of happiness and tales of his day, youngest decided that sounds like fun I will go on a day course next time, when he did he loved it, since then it has snowballed into kayaks, trailer, all the gear, when are we going next, that one just came out of nowhere but they love, I either go with and read paper then we all have a picnic lunch or don't go and enjoy the peace:D

Geocaching has also been a success and fruit picking and metal detecting along the beach, in a forest.

victory

Mojisola wrote: »

Friends of mine with a similar range of interests made a rule that each family member took a turn at choosing the outing and no-one was allowed to spoil another person's choice by moaning .:)

As you said, it was surprising how often the others found something that interested them.

Yes we do that, OH is into motorbikes and old cars displays and we often go with him and he salivates over them whilst we would rather be anywhere else but once we get there and see all the old cars it really is interesting:D

Youngest is into gaming and has tickets for the gaming convention, yawn but he is so excited to go and we are taking him , once we get there we will interact and have something there that we will enjoy.

Eldest loves football and have been with him to matches, once you are there all the atmosphere gets to you and is catching:D