Female Friend Ends Friendship

dogcat_2

I think...maybe the boyfriend is fictional....:cool:

giantmutantbroccoli

She then said we're not friends and don't contact me ever again. I explained that I think she had misinterpreted my behaviour (I had been a bit down about missing out on a promotion) but she wouldn't have it and just repeated the bit about not contacting her.

Call me strange, but that doesn't sound to me like the words of a woman who's waiting for a declaration of love and a bunch of flowers. It sounds like a woman who wants to be left alone.

HeavyMetalFan

marisco wrote: »

I have read and re-read the posts by the OP. I cant see anything written that suggests he has done any of the above.

Why would you have dropped him like a brick?

Throughout his posts it comes across clearly that the OPs main interest and concern, is in understanding where his friend is coming from and wanting to resolve any issues between them, so as to get things back on track.

To be able to be so fickle and willing to walk away from someone, as if their connection to you meant little to nothing, is to behave in a very cold way. Not the way true friends would treat each other at all to my mind.

There have been some good responses in this thread but this is the best one.

I wasn't looking for or expecting the friendship to develop into a relationship and I don't think she was. She is a very attractive girl so it was only a matter of time before someone came along.

The situation regarding her coming round for meals started with her asking if she could come round and I thought it would be a pleasant change for both us. We both enjoyed it as we have some similar interests and we got on well.

I think fickle is the best way to describe her behaviour. Two days before the fall out we had been chatting pretty much as normal. I had some bad news at work which I didn't take too well so I was subdued for a couple of days then the bombshell was dropped.

My explanation fell on deaf ears and some of things said by her were unnecessary and unjustified. In my opinion if you are going to accuse someone of certain behaviour you should at least consider their version of events rather than dismissing it out of hand.

If she had said that she didn't really have time or it wasn't appropriate to spend time together outside of work, well I could have accepted that. To engineer a situation where she could claim that I had behaved unreasonably as her justification, well I don't think anyone deserves that.

liltdiddylilt

Hi HMF.

It seems you answered your own question there. True friends don't behave like that so it is not a great loss. I am a girl who gets along much better with men. I have had it said to me many times that there is no such thing as a platonic relationship. Somewhere in there, someone, or both usually have feelings. Most of the time it is left unspoken and things continue as they are nicely... but often when one of my male friends gets a new girlfriend, they go silent on me. I try not to take it personally these days. Usually it is prompted by guilt/uncomfortable feelings on their part, or the new girlfriend doesn't like the relationship.

I think as others have said, you need to leave it alone, for the sake of your job and your sanity. It is sad, but you seem like a nice person. I am sure you aren't lacking in friends.

ljonski

The big question: Did she text you when she was drunk?

Think carefully ! if Yes, then she certainly was crazy about you!
If no , then you are in the clear!

Georgiegirl256

fivetide wrote: »

Phrases like "got what you deserved" etc are nasty. Quite simple, totally unnecessary.


But since ska lover points out themselves, (and ska lover is happy speaking however they like to people on the web, because hey, people at the other end of computers don't have feelings right so it is ok to bully them...?) they don't care what anyone thinks and I therefore doubt they need defending on this occasion.


EDIT to say - if you read back the ay you wrote it Georgie and the way ska lover wrote there is a massive difference. You said that they might have behaved differently whether they noticed or not. Ska basically accused the OP of being a git.

I've just re-read it and must have skimmed over that part earlier. I have to admit you and Marisco are right in that it was unnecessarily aggressive.

I still agree with what was said, as I gave a similar view point myself, but yes, you are right, there was no need to say 'you got what you deserve'.

I don't know what's gotten into some people on this forum lately?

HeavyMetalFan

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

Hi HMF.

It seems you answered your own question there. True friends don't behave like that so it is not a great loss. I am a girl who gets along much better with men. I have had it said to me many times that there is no such thing as a platonic relationship. Somewhere in there, someone, or both usually have feelings. Most of the time it is left unspoken and things continue as they are nicely... but often when one of my male friends gets a new girlfriend, they go silent on me. I try not to take it personally these days. Usually it is prompted by guilt/uncomfortable feelings on their part, or the new girlfriend doesn't like the relationship.

I think as others have said, you need to leave it alone, for the sake of your job and your sanity. It is sad, but you seem like a nice person. I am sure you aren't lacking in friends.

Thank you.

I had gone quiet for a couple of days but this wasn't just on her - it was on everyone as I was unhappy about a work situation. No one can be expected to be in a perfect mood every day.

Mojisola

HeavyMetalFan wrote: »

I had gone quiet for a couple of days but this wasn't just on her - it was on everyone as I was unhappy about a work situation. No one can be expected to be in a perfect mood every day.

Would she have known that?

Poppy9

I'm struggling now to know what the OP wants. Do you want affirmation that you have done nothing wrong and she's the odd one or do you want to understand what has gone wrong with your friendship.

It's hard for people on an anonymous forum to judge as we are only hearing your side of the story.

You would probably be better asking a mutual friend who you would be happy to be honest and open with you. You might not like what they say but it maybe the only way you will find the answer.

Someone once said to me that when someone ends a relationship and you don't know why, stop asking them why as they will never give you an answer you are happy with.

TrickyWicky

aggypanthus wrote: »

My first thought is that she wanted more from you and got fed up waiting for you to make a move. Maybe the bf is fictional to make you show your hand.

+1.

She's lost hope and tried to provoke a reaction from you with this new fella. You've not fallen for it and she's gone nuclear. Whoops.. someone has just missed out on gettin laid!