Female Friend Ends Friendship

HeavyMetalFan

Hello

I'm not the type of person to normally discuss this type of thing (I'm male and from Yorkshire!), but a female friend's behaviour has left me more than slightly vexed.

We work together and progressed from colleagues to workmates to friends to good friends. Or so I thought. We started doing things together outside of work and she often came round to my house so I would cook for her and we'd have a few drinks and chat until the small hours. There were conversations of a sexual nature but I wasn't really trying to steer it down that path although she is a very attractive girl. She also told me personal things about her life but didn't really discuss relationships other than to say she was missing having a sexual relationship.

Things carried on like this then she just stopped wanting to do things although we chatted at work and e-mailed during the day (too much if I'm honest), then she dropped into the conversation that she had met someone but it wasn't any kind of announcement. While I can't say I was overjoyed at the news it at least explained her change in attitude.

The problem began when she would occasionally make reference to the boyfriend in e-mails and if I didn't respond almost immediately she would accuse me of being in a mood or going quiet as expected, which wasn't the case at all.

It came to a head last week when she completely blanked me as we walked through the door together. I e-mailed her and asked what's up with you? To which she responded "you". She then went on to accuse me of being jealous of her boyfriend and I am always funny and moody when she mentions him and so on. She then said we're not friends and don't contact me ever again. I explained that I think she had misinterpreted my behaviour (I had been a bit down about missing out on a promotion) but she wouldn't have it and just repeated the bit about not contacting her.

I'm now wondering what I should do - if anything. I can't apologise as I have nothing to apologise for and although I have offered an explanation it has fallen on deaf ears. I don't like to fall out with people, especially for no reason, and it makes things awkward at work. I would like repair the damage but I don't have a clue how to do so. If I could understand her behaviour it might help and I might feel more confident discussing the situation if I could see things from her point of view.

Any suggestions?

aggypanthus

My first thought is that she wanted more from you and got fed up waiting for you to make a move. Maybe the bf is fictional to make you show your hand.

HeavyMetalFan

I hadn't considered that to be honest.

Due to the things that have been said I wouldn't feel comfortable raising that as an issue and I'm not the type of person to make any grand declaration.

Maybe things are beyond repair.

Poppy9

I think you both expected different things from your friendship and she decided she was wasting her time waiting for you to make your move. If she had really just wanted to be friends she would still be your friend but she's not. So now you have a decision to make as you are obviously put out that she's not in your life.:)

Can I ask how old you both are - I feel teens:D

HeavyMetalFan

I'm far too old for this type of thing but her behaviour is reminiscent of a teenager! She is quite a bit younger than me but we are nowhere near teenagers.

I am put out but I think it's largely due to her unreasonable behaviour.

CupOfChai

Yup, she fancies you.

aggypanthus

I dont think she could have dropped any more hints to you lol. Did you really not fancy her? Are you shy? Had a relationship before?

forget email, write her an old fashioned letter, say you are just a dumb bloke! And that you need her to helpyou understand what went wrong. Say you were very fond of her and can you both rewind and try again? SEND with flowers.

Poppy9

Well you have given her mixed signals by inviting her over, cooking for her having intimate conversations.

She's acting like this because she's upset and feel you've taken her for a ride and she's made a fool of herself. She's angry at herself for being stupid!

So put aside how she's acting and ask yourself:

• do you like her as more than a friend
• do you miss your cosy nights in
• do you miss being close to her
• will you care if you never see her again

maman

HeavyMetalFan wrote: »

I'm far too old for this type of thing but her behaviour is reminiscent of a teenager! She is quite a bit younger than me but we are nowhere near teenagers.

I am put out but I think it's largely due to her unreasonable behaviour.

I'd agree, she seems to be playing silly games and I wouldn't want to be part of it. If I were you I'd just be civil and polite while she sorts herself out and then decide if, in the future, how friendly you want to be with someone who comes across as immature.


My guess is that now she's met someone and either off her own bat (or after discussions with him) is thinking about whether a platonic relationship with a man is possible. And I think there may be a touch of her enjoying your company (maybe more than the new bloke) and being confused.

aggypanthus

HeavyMetalFan wrote: »

I'm far too old for this type of thing but her behaviour is reminiscent of a teenager! She is quite a bit younger than me but we are nowhere near teenagers.

I am put out but I think it's largely due to her unreasonable behaviour.

never too old to flummoxed by women lol

ok . Spill, what are your ages?

aggypanthus

maman wrote: »

I'd agree, she seems to be playing silly games and I wouldn't want to be part of it. If I were you I'd just be civil and polite while she sorts herself out and then decide if, in the future, how friendly you want to be with someone who comes across as immature.


My guess is that now she's met someone and either off her own bat (or after discussions with him) is thinking about whether a platonic relationship with a man is possible. And I think there may be a touch of her enjoying your company (maybe more than the new bloke) and being confused.

I dont agree, re games, prob she feels foolish , and annoyed, if a man turned out to be wasting her time and she felt spurned .
OP you say you have done nothing wrong, but an apology for inadvertently upsetting her is a good idea.