Daughter acting up.

Poppy9

Mojisola wrote: »

But if you, as the parent, can't shift out of the role, how can you expect her to behave like an adult rather than a child?

i don't see why I need to shift out of the role. I am her mother, that will never change. I am not a trendy Mum who is friend first, mother second. I think reinforcing the standards she has grown up with will help her live harmoniously with her friends - an essential skill in life. After seeing the state of the uni flat she lived in the past year I think a couple of her flat mates could have done with more parental guidance!

Morglin

Stroppy teenage daughters - an absolute nightmare......but they do grow out of it!

Lin

Morglin

Poppy9 wrote: »

i don't see why I need to shift out of the role. I am her mother, that will never change. I am not a trendy Mum who is friend first, mother second. I think reinforcing the standards she has grown up with will help her live harmoniously with her friends - an essential skill in life. After seeing the state of the uni flat she lived in the past year I think a couple of her flat mates could have done with more parental guidance!

She will change lol

Lin

Mojisola

Poppy9 wrote: »

i don't see why I need to shift out of the role. I am her mother, that will never change. I am not a trendy Mum who is friend first, mother second. I think reinforcing the standards she has grown up with will help her live harmoniously with her friends - an essential skill in life.

Neither am I!:rotfl:

But I'm also not going to parent my adult children. They are adults - I treat them as such and expect them to behave accordingly. If they are staying with me and are doing things that upset/annoy me, I'll talk to them about it but I'm not going to order them around as if they were children.

CH27

Poppy9 wrote: »

i don't see why I need to shift out of the role. I am her mother, that will never change. I am not a trendy Mum who is friend first, mother second. I think reinforcing the standards she has grown up with will help her live harmoniously with her friends - an essential skill in life. After seeing the state of the uni flat she lived in the past year I think a couple of her flat mates could have done with more parental guidance!

Surely you don't want to be telling your daughter how to live her life forever more?
You need to give her chance to act as an adult & if she chooses to live in a pigsty then close the door & ignore it.

Relationships evolve over time. You'll always be her mum just differently.

Poppy9

Morglin wrote: »

She will change lol

Lin

Already has!

Mojisola wrote: »

Neither am I!:rotfl:

But I'm also not going to parent my adult children. They are adults - I treat them as such and expect them to behave accordingly. If they are staying with me and are doing things that upset/annoy me, I'll talk to them about it but I'm not going to order them around as if they were children.

I gave up with the talking on this occasion as she wasn't hearing me.

CH27 wrote: »

Surely you don't want to be telling your daughter how to live her life forever more?
You need to give her chance to act as an adult & if she chooses to live in a pigsty then close the door & ignore it.

Relationships evolve over time. You'll always be her mum just differently.

She has her chance - her uni accommodation is her business, she cooks, washes, cleans, shops etc. for herself. Aside from the first visit where I did wash some dishes and her moving out where I helped her empty her room I did nothing the few other times I visited. She just seemed to think when she came home she could revert to doing nothing, and I mean nothing

We had the reasonable, calm chats about I am in work full time and I would appreciate her pulling her weight in the house etc. but the next day it would be the same crap! I'd come in from work to dishes left on worktop by dishwasher because she's a bit OCD about touching dirty things, the laundry basket full to brim because she had cleared her bedroom floor, tripping over her shoes in the hallway, dirty tissues on the coffee table. Oh and toothpaste in the sink, rubbish next to bin and most of the coffee cups missing in her bedroom growing scientific experiments! Honestly she wasn't like this before she left home and I'm not putting up with it now.

Sadly I don't have the patience of a saint - I had enough. I don't regret it.

I make it sound like she's a little !!!!!! but she's not!:D She's a bright, smart girl and we are extremely close BUT she has this tendency to be lazy. I know when she returns from holiday on Wednesday it will take her few days to empty her case because she will be exhausted after all her travelling so that is going to annoy me as she will dump it in front of the washing machine!!!!!

duchy

And you,ll smilingly hand her a box of washing powder ?

I don't think there is anything wrong in expecting any adult related or not to treat someone else's home with respect and not like a hotel.
I also think adulthood isn't pick and mix and if kids want to be able to have adult freedoms then they are old enough to have adult responsibilities and shouldn't expect parents to run around after them.

lulu_92

Mojisola wrote: »

(think of the Monty Python sketch "Gutter! We could only dream about living in a gutter!), would she end up laughing?

I used to have to get up at half past ten, half an hour before I went to bed!