Daughter acting up.

pollypenny

I'm afraid your DD is getting into the habit of having so much money to spend.

We made that mistake with our DD and she ran up huge debts while in uni, continued her spendthrift ways as a young adult and has only just woken up to the realities of life and money.

Hurts

Just spoken to her as am expecting her home soon,she asked about dinner,i explained that we had already eaten by the time that she decided she was coming home but there is plenty of food in the house,cue another strop with her declaring that we forget about her the second she is out of the house.

It's like any excuse at the moment,anyway she should be home very soon and hopefully we can speak more calmly about everything.

Yes she really did go to bed after handing me her uniform to wash and in future she will be told that i wont be doing it at 11pm.

missbiggles i do see your point,i am not doing her any favours really and deep down i know i'm not,she is going to find it very hard to cope when it comes to it but this is the kind of treatment i get from her when i try to point out how things work financially as you get older.

maman i told her yesterday how much her younger sister envied her and that we are very proud of her and we are,she has always worked hard.

I think she feels pressured,i think she is facing a lot of choices about her adult life and at 17 it isn't easy,i think she is finding it hard to let go of that childhood and face being an adult and all of the responsibility it brings and i will always support her emotionally but she will have it made clear that there are ways that are not acceptable to treat people.

When i think about it of course i am unhappy with the way she is acting about the way things are now but i can reason with that to some extent,the thing that hurt the very most were the accusations that we didn't do things or provide things through her childhood,that couldn't be further from the truth.

Anyway we will see how things go when she arrives.

CH27

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I think you're making a very big mistake with that.

It's fair enough that you doesn't pay keep when she's still in education but not that you're saving for university when she isn't. If she gets used to having £80-100 in her pocket as well as the things you buy her, she's going to find managing her finances at university very difficult, even more so when she goes to work full time.

You really need to be spelling out financial realities to her now before it's too late.

I have to agree.
My son is at uni & lives on £70 per week for everything apart from rent & bills.

Poppy9

Mojisola wrote: »

No. Mine used to hear "I'm your mother, not your servant" once they were old enough to do things for themselves. It doesn't do older children any good to have someone seeing to their every need.

Much better to learn how to look after yourself and share the household chores as you grow rather than suddenly having to cope with everything when you leave home.

Mine hears that too but I do still end up doing stuff for her because I like to see her happy! I know I'm a tw!t for doing it, but!!!!

I had a hissy fit with DD due to the state of her bedroom within a week of her being home. She protested it was 1am blah blah and I just said she had a late night ahead of her! It was tidy by the morning.

Part of me doing things for DD is that I grew up in a strict household where the weekly thorough clean was shared between my mother, my sister and me (older sibling left home at 17 ). I dreaded spending every Saturday from 9am to 1pm cleaning before I could go out to play! It didn't make me a clean/tidy adult either!

sharnad

She seriously expected you not to eat that night in case she came home. Tell her your life doesn't stop just because she goes off to have a strop

Peter333

I KNOW! Teenage girls!!! :mad:

Can't add anything to the advice already given, but good luck. It IS hard going with teenagers, they do think they're hard-done-by when they're not, and they ARE bratty!

Oh, and you've done nothing wrong!

Good luck. It will all be fine.

Mojisola

Poppy9 wrote: »

Mine hears that too but I do still end up doing stuff for her because I like to see her happy! I know I'm a tw!t for doing it, but!!!!

I had a hissy fit with DD due to the state of her bedroom within a week of her being home. She protested it was 1am blah blah and I just said she had a late night ahead of her! It was tidy by the morning.

You see, I wouldn't have done that. If I expected them to behave like responsible adults, I couldn't tell them to do things like 'clean your room NOW' because that's how you manage children.

moomoomama27

Hurts wrote: »

Just spoken to her as am expecting her home soon,she asked about dinner,i explained that we had already eaten by the time that she decided she was coming home but there is plenty of food in the house,cue another strop with her declaring that we forget about her the second she is out of the house.

It's like any excuse at the moment,anyway she should be home very soon and hopefully we can speak more calmly about everything.

Yes she really did go to bed after handing me her uniform to wash and in future she will be told that i wont be doing it at 11pm.

missbiggles i do see your point,i am not doing her any favours really and deep down i know i'm not,she is going to find it very hard to cope when it comes to it but this is the kind of treatment i get from her when i try to point out how things work financially as you get older.

maman i told her yesterday how much her younger sister envied her and that we are very proud of her and we are,she has always worked hard.

I think she feels pressured,i think she is facing a lot of choices about her adult life and at 17 it isn't easy,i think she is finding it hard to let go of that childhood and face being an adult and all of the responsibility it brings and i will always support her emotionally but she will have it made clear that there are ways that are not acceptable to treat people.

When i think about it of course i am unhappy with the way she is acting about the way things are now but i can reason with that to some extent,the thing that hurt the very most were the accusations that we didn't do things or provide things through her childhood,that couldn't be further from the truth.

Anyway we will see how things go when she arrives.

I could have written this, my daughter is exactly the same, down to the food and uniform! Just stand firm, she'll brat about it, but if she realises she's not winning ( tell her to wash uniform herself/ find a meal) then it gets slightly better!

It's hard when you have a teen like that, a lot of it is down to their personality not the parenting!

Poppy9

Mojisola wrote: »

You see, I wouldn't have done that. If I expected them to behave like responsible adults, I couldn't tell them to do things like 'clean your room NOW' because that's how you manage children.

but I don't see what's responsible about allowing her to turn a room in my house into a pigsty. Technically she's moved out as she lives away at uni. and can face whatever consequences her flatmates/landlord put on her but in my house I expect her to show some respect and keep it moderately decent.

meritaten

oh dear - I get the feeling that what she SAYS is absolutely nothing to do with her current problem with you. but a clue to it?
she is growing up and you are doing her the honour of treating her like the adult she wants to be. yet at the same time she wants to be treated like a 'favoured' child................she is confused. Adult/Child she is midway between them and yes, unless she is helped and guided now she COULD end up a spoilt brat. let her have a sulk for a day or two. then call her and ask her over for coffee, cake and a chat.
then try just saying 'hun, you were terribly angry and upset the other night - what is on your mind?' and go from there?
my DD was like this at fourteen - extreme patience is required and a sense of humour.