Daughter acting up.

Mojisola

Hurts wrote: »

And aside from material items she is very thought of,she gets a lot of lifts to and from work, has a lot of time devoted to her and if anything i am a bit of a doormat, last night at 11pm she announced her work uniform needed washing and drying which i did without complaint.

I think she may be confusing you (her mother) with her maid!

Time for a reality check on both sides and some new house rules.

Hurts

Poppy9 wrote: »

I'm not saying you are in the wrong at all - what I am saying is that we can see it from an adult point of view but she can't. It's important to see where she's coming from so you can explain why the situation is as it is.

I know Poppy and i appreciate the advice,of course she doesn't have the maturity and i know it's important to remember that the world looks very different at 17

Hurts

Mojisola wrote: »

I think she may be confusing you (her mother) with her maid!

Time for a reality check on both sides and some new house rules.

Yes i admit i can be a bit of a doormat,i think next time i should ask her to do it herself,she is more than capable and by 11pm the last thing i want to do is another wash load,either she brings it earlier or stays up herself to do it.

Mojisola

Hurts wrote: »

Yes i admit i can be a bit of a doormat,i think next time i should ask her to do it herself,she is more than capable and by 11pm the last thing i want to do is another wash load,either she brings it earlier or stays up herself to do it.

Tell!.............

CH27

Hurts wrote: »

Yes i admit i can be a bit of a doormat,i think next time i should ask her to do it herself,she is more than capable and by 11pm the last thing i want to do is another wash load,either she brings it earlier or stays up herself to do it.

Tell her not ask her!
She's old enough to ensure her uniform is ready to wear.

duchy

I wonder if her boyfriend or his family disapproved when she told them about the row and she realized.

As for the uniform, I'd have pointed her in the direction of the washer if she hadn't bothered making sure it made the main wash. Did she seriously swan off to bed leaving you to do it?

Poppy9

Hurts wrote: »

Yes i admit i can be a bit of a doormat,i

aren't we all!

I have DD home from uni and how quick she's returned to "whats for food" and just filling up laundry basket!

Mojisola

Poppy9 wrote: »

aren't we all!

No. Mine used to hear "I'm your mother, not your servant" once they were old enough to do things for themselves. It doesn't do older children any good to have someone seeing to their every need.

Much better to learn how to look after yourself and share the household chores as you grow rather than suddenly having to cope with everything when you leave home.

missbiggles1

Hurts wrote: »

Thinking about it no i would not have expected her to contribute whilst she is still in education even if it had been affected,i made the call because obviously i didn't want to get into trouble if we were no longer entitled to those things,i would have allowed her to keep her wages,provided for her and been in pretty much the same situation as now.

If she left education and worked full time then yes i would expect something but we would work that out based on whatever she earnt,actual living costs etc.

She is not having to save for uni,she will take out student loans where needed but we have been saving to help buy a lot of the things she will need.

I will of course listen to her,i would hate to be a mother that didn't hear her point of view but it will be made very clear that if she starts screaming,using insults etc then the conversation will end.

I think you're making a very big mistake with that.

It's fair enough that you doesn't pay keep when she's still in education but not that you're saving for university when she isn't. If she gets used to having £80-100 in her pocket as well as the things you buy her, she's going to find managing her finances at university very difficult, even more so when she goes to work full time.

You really need to be spelling out financial realities to her now before it's too late.

maman

Hurts wrote: »

Yes i admit i can be a bit of a doormat,i think next time i should ask her to do it herself,she is more than capable and by 11pm the last thing i want to do is another wash load,either she brings it earlier or stays up herself to do it.

I used to get really fed up with DD2 when she had a job in Safeway (remember them?) when she was in the 6th Form. She was always keen to wash and iron her uniform while totally ignoring all other laundry. She wanted to be a responsible employee but that responsibility didn't extend to family! Now I look back and think that really she was just relaxing and 'being her teenage self' within the family but had the nous that employers expected certain standards.


I'm so pleased she's texted to say she's coming home. Maybe at some point you can tell her how your younger DD feels the pressure to emulate her considerable achievements.