Is it normal for parents to want their kids to move out?

Floss

berbastrike wrote: »

But if I wasn't here, the room would be empty.

I pay £30 a month to cover my share of broadband, gas and elec

Your parents may need to rent out that room as a source of income, rather than a cost as it is at the moment. It will cost them more than £30 a month to have you in there, which could really bring in £60/70 a week plus bills.


TBH, you are on a very good deal at £30 a month. When I and my 2 young children moved back in with my mum in 1999, me & mum calculated that we were increasing her bills by £35 of gas, elec & water a month - and that was 15 years ago.

System

Floss wrote: »

Your parents may need to rent out that room as a source of income,

you must be joking!

It will simply be a spare room

DigForVictory

I'm looking forward (eventually) to the children leaving home.

Not least as it's huge, Listed, a lot of work to run, not cheap & once we downsize (owch owch owch) we can sell up & move into a smaller cheaper place & thus have some money to help them with their futures. No prizes for guessing m'husband wants the lads to stay as long as possible so he has all the space for his hobbies & interests...

However, if you can be prosecuted for murder at 18, you can pay a decent chunk to your folks or to a landlord. If mine offer me £30 a month, I'll say no just pay the electricity bills...

lessonlearned

berbastrike wrote: »

you must be joking!

It will simply be a spare room

Why shouldn't they have a spare room if they want one. It's their house.

And I agree at £30 a month you are taking a liberty. If you are working full time, even on a minimum wage you would be clearing around £900 a month so £30 a month is indeed an insult.

If you want to pay a fair and realistic rate then that figure should be at least £200 and even that doesn't scratch the surface.

If you were renting or even house sharing you would be shelling out anything from £600 onwards and you wouldn't be living in palace either!!!!

And yes parents do want to see their offspring eventually leave and set up for themselves. It is the natural order of things. It means that we have done our job - raising the next generation to be happy, independent and self supporting, not tied to our apron strings and dependent on us for ever.

Isn't this want you want. don't you want your own pad, with friends/lovers around and just space to do your own thing.

My 27 year old son and I currently live together. It suits us both for now but it is not permanent. Our average monthly costs are around £1k which we split roughly 50-50

If I didn't live here then my son would probably need a lodger to help with costs. He prefers me to some stranger.:D:D

We get on really well, his girlfriend stays over whenever she wishes. No problem. I do the laundry, most of the cooking because he works such long hours although he likes to play the chef sometimes, anything else we split between us. It is his house by the way. I am the lodger. I gifted him the deposit and staying with him for the time being until I find a new place of my own.

It works well because we treat each other as adults, respect each other's privacy and personal space and the finances are fair and equitable.

It sounds like you need to have a good talk with your parents and work out a system that everyone is happy with. You need to make that transition from child to adult, and you need to prove to them that you are now a grown up even if you haven't actually fledged the nest yet.

Not always an easy transition but essential for peace and harmony in the household. This does mean paying your way or at least as much as you can realistically afford. Even if you are unemployed and only in receipt of JS you still need to up that figure of £30 because you parents will be seriously out of pocket.

When my son returned home from uni and was unemployed he drew JS at £67 pw. He gave me £25.

He was extremely grateful that he could live somewhere full board and lodging for that rate because he knew the true cost and value of what he was getting for that £25

Talk to your parents and sort this out before they get really upset. They could well be short of money because they are underwriting your lifestyle and that really wouldn't be fair.

Time to step into the adult world - you are 24 not a teenager any more.

Mojisola

berbastrike wrote: »

I have overheard a conversation between parents wanting me out,

Tbh, they were quite !!!!!y about it, is this normal? Do any parents have the approach that they like their children staying with them?

Tbh, having read your other threads, if you were my son, I would be telling you to your face that it's time you moved out.

HappyMJ

berbastrike wrote: »

But if I wasn't here, the room would be empty.

I pay £30 a month to cover my share of broadband, gas and elec

So generous of you. I'd be staying there as long as possible at that rate. If you don't want them talking badly of you then offer more. £30 per week would make much more sense....and don't wait to be asked just offer it.

lessonlearned

Just thought I would add this.

As I said I have gifted a deposit to my son.

I did so because he had proved that he was an adult and was ready to assume the responsibilities of being a grown up and a home owner.

When he returned home after leaving uni he did not complain about having to pay his fair share of the bills when he lived in the family home. He treated me with courtesy and respect. He behaved like an adult. He did not treat his bedroom like a pigsty, he did not clutter up our shared spaces with his stuff, he always did his fair share of any jobs around the house and he did not expect to be waited on hand and foot. In short he had grown up and was a different creature from the stroppy 18 year old who left to go to uni

I most would definitely not have gifted him a deposit had he still had the mindset of a "I want it all and I want it now" teenager.:rotfl:

pollypenny

Are you buy and cooking your own food? Do you do any jobs, On my way! the lawn or clean the outside windows? Are you 'supporting' your parents in any way!

£30 a month is peanuts now. In 1994 DS paid us £20 a month from his placement year funding.

At 24 you're an adult and need to be making your own way in the world.

System

I don't understand parents.

Taking money from their children is wrong imo

TBagpuss

There are two issues why your parents may want you out - one is that they may feel that you need to become independent, and that means leaving the nest. i.e. they feel that there a re positive benefits to you leaving.

The other is that for whatever reason or reasons they don't want you there any more - those reasons may be (partly) financial, they may be that they feel taken advantage of, they may ant/need to economise or downsize but don't feel they can - so more negative reasons.

Or it may be a bit of both.

Obviously we don't any of us know you personally, but reading your posts in this thread you come over as a bit entitled - you are only paying £30 a month, you say you shop and cook for yourself but have made no mention of doing anything for your parents , and you seem to have the attitude that if it doesn't cost your parents for the room to be occupied that they can have no reason not to have you there. I wonder whether they feel that you are taking them, and their support for you, for granted?


I had a period about 12 years ago when I moved back in with my parents temporarily as a result of a change of job. I was still paying the mortgage on the house I owned and was trying to sell, which took a lot longer than anticipated, and because I had that outgoing my parents very generously did not charge me rent or council tax. I did pay 1/3 of all of the bills, and I did 1/3 of the shopping.

I also did a share of the cleaning, cooking etc and helped out with other household tasks as necessary. Once my house sold, I offered to start paying rent until I bought a house. In the event, the gap was only about 2 weeks so they told me to keep the money as a house-warming present, but had the period I was there been longer, I would have insisted on paying something, even if it was not full market rate.

What do you do around the house? What plans are you making to become independent and have you discussed those with your parents? Even if it is not possible for you to move out immediately (even to a house share) then sitting down with your parents and talking to them about what you plans are, and what you are doing to achieve them, might improve relations - if they knew you were saving £200 a month towards a deposit to rent a flat, for instance, then that would show that you are trying to move on, and would also give them a clear idea of the sort of timescale it will require for you to become independent.

Also talk to them about what they would like you to be doing to pay your way in the household. After all, if you had your own place, or were living in a shared house, you would be doing your share of all the cooking, cleaning etc, not just your own room. Are you doing that now, and if not, why not?

Actually doing things like shopping and cooking and cleaning for the household, rather than just for yourself also mean that your parents are getting something back for allowing you to live there rent-free, as they get some extra time freed up, and the pleasure of not having to do boring tasks. And if the reason you are still living at home is that you can't afford to move out, doing stuff like cooking and cleaning cost you nothing, so you can afford them.