Is it normal for parents to want their kids to move out?

melissa-elizabeth

berbastrike wrote: »

If I had children, they'd have the house for life if they needed it

If you were to stay with your parents for the rest of your life, how will you hope to settle down with someone? Would you expect your parents to let your partner and your children (if you have any) live there too? I laugh at the thought.

System

lessonlearned wrote: »

If..........

Unless you change your ways it is highly unlikely than any self-respecting female would take you on.

You would be a real turn off for any decent girl.

Why? :mad:

SeduLOUs

berbastrike wrote: »

Why? :mad:

OK I'll bite.

My ex didn't live with his parents, but it transpired he relied on them for everything. Car insurance renewal meant phone call to dad to sort (he didn't know the difference between fully comp and third party only when I questioned how much he was paying). Shower broke meant phone call to dad, and a new shower appeared in the house fully working within a week, no payment expected. We broke up because I couldn't conceive the possibility of him ever growing up or learning the ways of the world to a point where I'd be happy to live with him.

I'd be very wary of dating a grown adult who is still living with parents unless there was a good justification for it (i.e. still a full time student, or it's a temporary situation < 12 months while sorting other things out). If I found out that a bloke I fancied thought that £30 a month was a 'fair share' to contribute towards a household I'd be running a mile before he decided to start leeching off me instead of his parents.

Most women want a relationship with someone independent, not to become someone's replacement mother.

lessonlearned

SeduLOUs wrote: »

. Ok I'll bite

Most women want a relationship with someone independent, not to become someone's replacement mother.

Exactly this.

Thanks for "biting". I couldn't be bothered with even trying.

The OP is clearly a 24 year old with a case of severe arrested development.

No point in trying to have an intelligent adult to adult conversation with him. He's not capable of thinking like a fair minded and reasonable adult.

Any girl with half her wits would give him a clear berth.

OP - one day you will look back at your 24 year old self and cringe with embarrassment and shame. I just hope your parents will be around for them to receive an honest, truthful and heartfelt apology for the total lack of respect and disregard you have shown them.

If you were my son you would have broken my heart with your greed, selfishness and crassness. As it is I have given my sons considerable financial help and done so willingly, but then they have turned out to be decent, hardworking, fair minded young men. My sons make me proud of what they have grown into. You would make me weep.

It could of course be argued that your parents are merely reaping what they have sown and that they have made you the creature you are.

However I do not lay the blame at their feet. That's too easy.

You are old enough to know better, to be fair in your dealings with others and to acknowledge the sacrifices that your parents have made and continue to make for you.

That they hAve been so patient with you is to their eternal credit. You, on the hand, have used and abused your parents' love and goodwill.

Be careful that you do not reap what you are currently sowing.

Life has a habit of catching up with people like you in the end.

It's called Karma.

System

Women are the gold diggers, not me, a man

ViolaLass

berbastrike wrote: »

Women are the gold diggers, not me, a man

You're the one choosing to continue living with your parents when you can (apparently) easily afford your own place.

Mojisola

lessonlearned wrote: »

Unless you change your ways it is highly unlikely than any self-respecting female would take you on.

You would be a real turn off for any decent girl.

berbastrike wrote: »

Why? :mad:

berbastrike wrote: »

Women are the gold diggers, not me, a man

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

TBagpuss

berbastrike wrote: »

Women are the gold diggers, not me, a man

Gosh, sexism as well as stupidity. No wonder your parents want you out.

Nope. anyone who sponges off others and expects to be supported rather than pulling their weight can be a gold digger.

You are letting your parents support you despite, as you claim, having a good income and savings. You are a scrounger.

You've also claimed that if you had children (seems unlikely unless you grow up, but there are some very foolish women around, so it's possible) they would have a home for life if they needed it Fine. But that isn't relevant to your situation because you don't need it. You are perfectly capable (financially, at any rate) of supporting yourself. You are simply choosing not to.

My parents would give any one of us (me and and my siblings) a home if we needed it, and the majority of parents I know would do the same, if they could, for their children. Equally, most of the parents I know would, and do, expect adult children to be, well, adult, which includes taking responsibility for themselves.

You appear to be mistakenly assuming that your £30 month token payment is a fair contribution. It isn't. The appropriate comparisons are to consider either what would it cost for you to live elsewhere - what is the cost for a house share of renting a 1 bed flat in your area? Even in fairly deprived areas I doubt you'd get a room in a shared house for under £65 per week plus bills. A flat would be at least £150 plus bills (and those figures are based on the area I live in, which has fairly low rents) .
The alternative is to consider what your parents could get if they rented out a room to a lodger - again, I doubt it would be less than £65 a week.

So, realisitically, you should be paying about £300 per month. Many parents are willing to offer a reduced rate to their children to encourage savings towards independence so a figure of £200 per month, plus helping around the house and doing stuff for them, rather than only for yourself,might be a sensible way forward.

lessonlearned

I did not use the term gold digger, you did.

In its historical context a woman deliberately seeking to marry a man for his money was labelled a gold digger. Her male equivalent - and yes there are always plenty of them around too - is referred to as a fortune hunter.

In your particular case the correct terminology is scrounger ....

To most people a scrounger is not an attractive proposition.

To get back to your assertion that you would always provide a home for your children if they need one.

You seem very partial to that word "if":rotfl: you obviously like to hedge your bets...

Of course parents will provide a home and a safe haven to a child who needs one. The need could be fiscal, health related or emotional, either permanent or temporary. They will do it for as long the need arises or until they can no longer do so becaus of their own age or infirmity.

I have known many families where this has happened.

However, according to your other threads, with an income of £80k per annum and savings of £200k yours is not a need, it is greed.

Most parents know that for their children to develop as fully functioning adults, living happy and fulfilled lives, then that child must eventually flee the nest.

A wise parent knows that, ultimately, it is not in their child's best interest to remain too long in the family home and that they must become independent.

Parents do not own or possess their children, they only get to borrow them for a while. A wise parent knows that they have to let go at some point even if they would dearly love to keep their child in the family home forever.

The sense of loss that a parent feels when a child leaves home is very real. It is not called empty nest syndrome for nothing.

In the normal run of things the opportunity for the child to leave home comes naturally when the time is right for all concerned.

It is very rare for the parents to feel that the child has outstayed their welcome and that they need a gentle push.

However, In your particular case it would appear that your parents no longer perceive you as a welcome guest. You appear to have come something of a cuckoo in the nest.

If you wish to remain living with your parents - for whatever reasons - then you need to have a frank discussion with them and work out an arrangement which meets the needs of everyone.

Whining on here about the unfairness of them wanting you to leave is the behaviour typical of an immature teenager, sitting down and actually discussing the issues with your parents would be the course of action of a mature adult.

Time to take that first step into the adult world.

Time to take your relationship with your parents to a more equal footing but you cannot do this if you are still their little lost boy who cannot stand on his own two feet and who still has his hand held out for anything thats going.

Time to get your own place, become your own person and start living.

What are you waiting for. You've got more than enough money (unless your other threads were no more than idle boasting). You're a long time dead and there are no pockets in shrouds, get busy living instead of moping around the family home.

If I was 24, single and fancy free, with £200k at my disposal, you wouldn't see me for dust. :rotfl:

jumpingjackd

Oh lol I havent read through the whole thread But I was dreading my children (4) moving out and I sure missed them when they did, but I do enjoy it, lots less hassle, however one has said they might move back in lol, eeekk. Having said that they visit most days and I love to see them, this will always be their home and are welcome. When I go to bed at night I take the key out the lock in case any of them need to get in for whatever reason