What do I need to do right now?

Startingagainagain

Mojisola wrote: »

If you do this, think about locking all private paperwork away and having your computer password protected, etc.

Good idea, thanks - he's become very suspicious and paranoid (totally unlike him) - he has gone through my emails and rifled through the place looking for evidence of my affair!

Mojisola

Startingagainagain wrote: »

Good idea, thanks - he's become very suspicious and paranoid (totally unlike him) - he has gone through my emails and rifled through the place looking for evidence of may affair!

This isn't uncommon.

Startingagainagain

Mojisola wrote: »

This isn't uncommon.

Really? Why do you think that is (genuine question). He is having a rough time at the moment but has never ever been jealous or controlling (I have been with someone like this).


He found a profile that apparently was similar to mine on some 'sex with strangers' type site, was convinced he'd found men's socks in my washing basket (they were my moisturising socks!), my bed 'smelt different' (no idea), there were fewer condoms in my bedside drawer (they were in the pack I got when I left hospital with LO - I'm allergic to latex and haven't touched them)...I'd love to know where he thinks I have the time for all this rampant sex with a toddler in the house 24/7!

Mojisola

Startingagainagain wrote: »

Really? Why do you think that is (genuine question). He is having a rough time at the moment but has never ever been jealous or controlling (I have been with someone like this).

Strong emotions can change the way a person behaves and make them seem quite irrational. If they can't understand (or don't want to understand) why a break-up has happened, they search for reasons.

Startingagainagain

Mojisola wrote: »

Strong emotions can change the way a person behaves and make them seem quite irrational. If they can't understand (or don't want to understand) why a break-up has happened, they search for reasons.

Ah yes, that's fairly logical I suppose.


I'm smelling a rat anyway - I had a look on the site I'm supposedly using (wow, what an eye-opener!) and there's something seriously amiss. You have to be signed up to look at profiles, every profile has a picture (so it would be pretty obvious were it me) and he was asking for my wifi password while he was here saying he couldn't get 3G...so how was he looking at the site?


Crikey, this is turning me paranoid now!

Confusedandneedhelp

Startingagainagain wrote: »

Sorry for replying to my own post again!


I've taken the following steps -
- changed my will
- made DS the sole recipient of my life assurance (via work pension scheme).
I've done some basic stuff like cancelling spotify, lovefilm, moved my phone to a SIM only, got my 25% discount through council tax, applied for tax credits. I don't have Sky or anything, have good deals on utilities, phone/broadband etc. I'm pretty good at meal planning and cooking on a budget.


Am I missing anything? (apart from praying that DS doesn't have another growth spurt any time soon!).


I've asked DH for some space and for him to think about a schedule for seeing DS at the house - I'll go out while they're together so he gets that time with him.

You'll have to change the will again no doubt after u divorce
Should've kept his dad as the recipient, as he'll be raising ur son should anything happen? Is it held in trust until he's 18 now?

Are u saying he can't take his son out?

Startingagainagain

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

You'll have to change the will again no doubt after u divorce


Yes, but that could be several years away. It won't change the content anyway.

Should've kept his dad as the recipient, as he'll be raising ur son should anything happen? Is it held in trust until he's 18 now?


This is how I was advised to set it up. If DH died then the money would be split between DS and DSD (so DS would get less) and if he remarried then he wouldn't be entitled to any of it.


I think it is in trust - my brother and sister are in charge of it.

Are u saying he can't take his son out?

The short answer is yes - for now. Part of our row the other night was about his lack of understanding of his DD's behaviour and the risk she presents to DS. He is absolutely adamant that they must spend time together and that there's nothing at all concerning about her feelings towards him (all contrary to and what the LA, psychologist and court guardian are saying).


Given that he is acting so much out of character and being so irrational then I will be looking out for DS's safety first and foremost. He threatened to 'smash the place up' the other night while he was looking after DS because he was convinced I'd had a parade of men through the house, knowing I was a 2.5 hour drive away.


Please don't think I'm being 'one of those' women. I stood with DH in a horrid battle with his ex over access to DSD (the irony) and wouldn't put him through the same. I know he can be rather spiteful too and know he would mess me around just to show that he can.


Ultimately, I'd very much like it if DS could stay at his house etc. (it would be quite nice to have a minute off!) but that's absolutely not going to happen right now.

When_the_going_gets_tough

Op the whole situation sounds an absolute nightmare. I would concentrate on selling the house and relocating. The situation with the teenager is not going to resolve itself quickly if at all and you need to think of the sanity and safety of yourself and your son.

Confusedandneedhelp

Startingagainagain wrote: »

The short answer is yes - for now. Part of our row the other night was about his lack of understanding of his DD's behaviour and the risk she presents to DS. He is absolutely adamant that they must spend time together and that there's nothing at all concerning about her feelings towards him (all contrary to and what the LA, psychologist and court guardian are saying).


Given that he is acting so much out of character and being so irrational then I will be looking out for DS's safety first and foremost. He threatened to 'smash the place up' the other night while he was looking after DS because he was convinced I'd had a parade of men through the house, knowing I was a 2.5 hour drive away.


Please don't think I'm being 'one of those' women. I stood with DH in a horrid battle with his ex over access to DSD (the irony) and wouldn't put him through the same. I know he can be rather spiteful too and know he would mess me around just to show that he can.


Ultimately, I'd very much like it if DS could stay at his house etc. (it would be quite nice to have a minute off!) but that's absolutely not going to happen right now.

Well it may appear to be very controlling from an outside perspective.

Ie 'I don't like him bring at my house, but he cannot see his son outside the house...'

Just giving an outside perspective.

It's all very well saying he said he's smash the place up, I presume he didn't. I would be correct no doubt to say that humans say things in heightened emotional states all the time.

There is nothing stopping him taking his son, and telling u, u cannot see him outside of his flat. I very much doubt u would react by saying, that's ok.

Somerset

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Well it may appear to be very controlling from an outside perspective.

Ie 'I don't like him bring at my house, but he cannot see his son outside the house...'

Just giving an outside perspective. .

I've got a completely different outside perspective.


The OP is protecting herself and her son. Quite rightly. The husband seems blinkered as to the problems caused by the SD, the false allegations of physical abuse made by the SD and the possible danger to her son posed by the SD. Her fears are supported by the LA, psychologist and court guardian.


Despite all this external and independent evidence, supposedly by 'experts' that the SD is a danger to the child, the husband


''is absolutely adamant that they < SD & son > must spend time together and that there's nothing at all concerning about her feelings towards him ''


And you think he should have 'unsupervised access' ?? When it's obvious he a) refuses to accept there is a danger and b) will do precisely what he's indicated he will do - allow his SD to spend time with the child.


The OP would be crazy to allow unrestricted access.