What do I need to do right now?

Startingagainagain

Hello all


I used to post on here years ago but have forgotten all my details. So...


In the process of splitting up with husband. Situation is:


We have been married nearly 2 years and have an 18 month old LO.
We jointly own (mortgaged) a house which I'm living in at the moment.
He moved out a little while ago with his DD (13) and is living nearby.


Things have taken a nasty turn and he's now decided that he won't be paying towards the mortgage and will pay me a tiny amount of CM based on the amount he put through his books last year. Apparently, this month's payment will be the last and then he is going to 'sign the house over to me' (not a great idea for him really). There's somewhere between £45k and £55k equity in it. He has been paying half the mortgage and half the childcare.


Obviously I need to sell the house and I have a small amount of back up money.


The mortgage is quite high and once I've paid that and LO's childcare I've nothing left over.


I work three 3 days a week and having done the sums, increasing to 4 or 5 decreases my tax credit amount to the stage where I wouldn't be any better off (I know how this sounds btw).


What do I need to do right now? (I know I could do with seeing a solicitor but funds don't really allow at the moment!).


It's a bit horrible. Due to some issues with his DD, he can't have LO overnight. The one night he did have him (I had to go to a work training thing down south) , he stayed here and ended up rummaging through the house convinced that I'm having an affair (I'm really not) - going through my laundry and rubbish (even the gross wheelie bin) trying to find evidence. Apparently I've been on a site looking for no strings sex with strangers and have been bringing them back to the house.


I know he's speaking from a place of anger (there's more to this but the whys and wherefores aren't hugely important right now) but while he's being so irrational, I need to protect me and LO.


Any advice?


Thanks in advance x


ETA - there are no joint accounts / cards etc - just the mortgage. There's no debt either.

Stevie_Palimo

Hire a hit man maybe, I only jest can you speak to citizens advice first and arrange an appointment to discuss this with them and see what options are open to you.


I suggest you keep him out of your house to as this will only cause more upset in the long run.


Good luck and splitting up aint never easy but needs must and all that so it is best to get yourself and the kids sorted as a priority and not worry about him for now.

Startingagainagain

I'm in a fairly rural area - by all accounts CAB have an extremely long waiting list!


I don't feel like I can keep him out of the house while he's paying half - legally it's still his. There's quite a bit of his stuff still here too (he assures me it will be out by the 1st of next month).


Luckily LO is too little to know what's going on. TBH his dad hasn't bothered with him a huge amount since he was born so it's not the biggest transition.


Is it worth speaking to the mortgage company? X seems to think he gets to stop paying and then walk away with his 50% once it's sold.


Thanks for the kind words - It's a shame it's come to this and an even bigger shame he's being this way. He had an absolute nightmare with his DD's mother (and still does) and always promised me he'd never scr*w me over (I'm not daft enough to think he would keep his word but he's really going for it! The amount of CM he's proposing would cover about a quarter of the childcare bill (and it's not an expensive place). I've no idea how he thinks I'm going to keep LO fed and clothed until this sells.

Stevie_Palimo

Ok Cab is out of the window then probably and but you may get a phone appointment, Worth a try I think.


If you cant keep him out then I suggest you don't allow him there unattended in future if you can get away with it, I seriously do not know what way it would go for you but he has to pay his fare share and legally will not have a leg to stand on if the CSA are informed.


I would perhaps if all else fails try and sell and then move far away from the idiot, Hope it all works out though.

Stevie_Palimo

And by you having the children I think he will hard pushed to get half of the money from the house once sold, Don't quote me on it as every case is different but as a general rule of thumb the majority would go the woman and when kids are involved.

Startingagainagain

He knows very well how to navigate the CSA! He reported a very low profit last year (he's SE) so thinks he's sitting pretty.


I certainly won't be asking him back to the house - I was hoping we could keep it amicable and as he can't have LO at his I thought him being here would be the logical thing to do. Unfortunately, my job involves lots of overnights and early starts / late finishes and part of me returning was that he would be able to cover these.


I'm not from the area so will be moving back home (tail between my legs...terrific!).

Stevie_Palimo

I would make sure you notify them of everything he earns and then the fact he looks to pay less if you have evidence all the better to.


Amicable and splits do not tend to go hand in hand I'm afraid, Don't worry about going back home at the end of the day these things happen and it will make you stronger in the long term.

RAS

Hi

Go to www.turn2us.org.uk and check what help you can get.

You need to apply for Mortgage Interest Allowance as this will help you stave off debt until you can sell the house.

lika_86

Startingagainagain wrote: »

Is it worth speaking to the mortgage company? X seems to think he gets to stop paying and then walk away with his 50% once it's sold.

There's probably not a lot the mortgage company would be able to do. If you're both on the mortgage then you will be jointly and severably liable for the debt ie. if the mortgage falls into arrears, the mortgage company can pursue either one of you or both of you for the deficit.

You need to make him aware that you cannot afford to pay it on your own and unless he contributes, the mortgage will fall into arrears, you risk repossession and a corresponding drop in the money he might get from its sale. So it's in his best interests to keep paying.

Startingagainagain

lika_86 wrote: »

There's probably not a lot the mortgage company would be able to do. If you're both on the mortgage then you will be jointly and severably liable for the debt ie. if the mortgage falls into arrears, the mortgage company can pursue either one of you or both of you for the deficit.

You need to make him aware that you cannot afford to pay it on your own and unless he contributes, the mortgage will fall into arrears, you risk repossession and a corresponding drop in the money he might get from its sale. So it's in his best interests to keep paying.

I meant more in terms of letting them know he's no longer living here. I'd imagine that the frame of mind he's in right now, he would say "let it get repossessed, I don't care".


He knows I'd never do something so stupid though.


I've got a claim in with TC at the moment although it's gone to compliance due to OH still being registered here (even though he's trying to claim CB and TC at his new place).


If he does just give me the CM he's proposing , I'll have £70 a month to live on after bills. I'm very good at stretching money but I don't think I can manage that!


I've already sold a load of stuff - I've got to list LO's car seat, family fix thing and possibly his big travel system so I can get a smaller one.


I'm not on terrible money but because of the mortgage amount (made bigger by a past CCJ of his...) it leaves me very stuck.


What would happen if he does get the mortgage 'signed over' to me - I've done this before via a solicitor (had my name taken off deeds) and it I think it cost about £800 - would that be right?


If he signs it over to me then I assume he can still come after his share when it sells. Would he need to apply for a divorce to sort that out? His dad lent us quite a decent sum of money when we bought this which he later said he was gifting us - obviously I would want to return that.


I don't qualify for MIA as you have to be on some benefit to get it.


Many thanks for the replies.

RAS

Ask the mortgage provider if you can have a short payment holiday?

Or go interest only?

With respect to the settlement; do not get railroaded into anything short-term.

It needs to be agreed as part of the divorce setlement. Normally the end of a short marriage sees the two parties returned to their original circumstances but because you have a young child, you may get more than he does. And the divorce settlement would agree what he could get when the child leaves school.