What do I need to do right now?

Startingagainagain

Mojisola wrote: »

It sounds as if you are doing the right thing. You have to make sure your little one is safe and happy and having a stressed-out, anxious Mum isn't good for any child, apart from any direct risks.

Until your DH recognises that his daughter needs more help than he can provide, there's nothing you can do. He's like an enabler helping an addict to continue a destructive lifestyle.

No, and I recognised that. One of the things she did was to make some extremely serious allegations against me. Although her guardian and social worker recognise they're untrue (and demonstrably so - dislocating her shoulder, punching her in the face etc.) because she is deemed under protection they may have to investigate me - which would involve having DS put into care. DH knew about these (as did the bl**dy social worker) and no-one told me. I found out by accident and it was at this point I 'strongly suggested' that they move out.


He still doesn't see anything wrong in this - just a bit of angst! He's also tried to blame me for 'not trying hard enough'.


He does realise now that he's been too soft on her and that he has allowed her to manipulate him (she's seriously adept at it) and thinks he can put that right if given the chance. I'm somewhat pessimistic about this and would rather just be removed from the situation.

Confusedandneedhelp

Startingagainagain wrote: »

3 years because she's 13 now - if she returns to her mum's under her own speed when she's 16 (I'd imagine it will be long before this) , there's very little the authorities could do to intervene. One of the orders states that DH is to see our LO without her and I don't see that changing any time soon.

I'm not at all important to her - she has called me some fairly choice names to the psychologist involved and it turns out has been pretty much coached by her mum from a very young age to believe I'm the reason for all the strife in her life (I'm the reason they broke up, it's my fault they aren't 'great mates' etc. ).

- Orders? Sorry not read anything about a court order??? sorry if i missed this

- so it's not her fault really. she needs help. your OH needs to give her help

Confusedandneedhelp

Startingagainagain wrote: »

No, and I recognised that. One of the things she did was to make some extremely serious allegations against me. Although her guardian and social worker recognise they're untrue (and demonstrably so - dislocating her shoulder, punching her in the face etc.) because she is deemed under protection they may have to investigate me - which would involve having DS put into care. DH knew about these (as did the bl**dy social worker) and no-one told me. I found out by accident and it was at this point I 'strongly suggested' that they move out.


He still doesn't see anything wrong in this - just a bit of angst! He's also tried to blame me for 'not trying hard enough'.


He does realise now that he's been too soft on her and that he has allowed her to manipulate him (she's seriously adept at it) and thinks he can put that right if given the chance. I'm somewhat pessimistic about this and would rather just be removed from the situation.

Whoever told you that your LO would be taken away is wrong. An investigation is all it is. Just like if you accused me of punching you in the face, i might be arrested, interviewed and then released. Only a court can order a child to be taken away.

Edit: there are special emergency powers, where a child is taken into care for protection, but those are so extreme its so very very unlikely to happen when there is no risk. Like literally one in 100,000 type of situation

Startingagainagain

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

- Orders? Sorry not read anything about a court order??? sorry if i missed this

- so it's not her fault really. she needs help. your OH needs to give her help

Sorry, wrong word, it's in the court pyschologist's recommendations.


She certainly needs help, there's no disputing that. Doesn't mean I have to live in misery and LO has to be unsafe while she gets it though.

Startingagainagain

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Whoever told you that your LO would be taken away is wrong. An investigation is all it is. Just like if you accused me of punching you in the face, i might be arrested, interviewed and then released. Only a court can order a child to be taken away.

Edit: there are special emergency powers, where a child is taken into care for protection, but those are so extreme its so very very unlikely to happen when there is no risk. Like literally one in 100,000 type of situation

I was told, by the family court, that they would open a section 47 investigation and remove my DS.


They've removed all three of DSD mum's children with very little concrete evidence - certainly not written statements (Which is essentially what they have about me from DSD).

Confusedandneedhelp

Startingagainagain wrote: »

I was told, by the family court, that they would open a section 47 investigation and remove my DS.


They've removed all three of DSD mum's children with very little concrete evidence - certainly not written statements (Which is essentially what they have about me from DSD).

The family court do not open investigations, it is the job of social socervices, ie the local authority (your city/town/county council)

They had an emergency protection order. They clearly felt your OH was suitable

Have you read section 47? (http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1989/41/section/47)

I think you've been told some worst case scenarios. They need to get an emergency protection order.

Confusedandneedhelp

Startingagainagain wrote: »

Sorry, wrong word, it's in the court pyschologist's recommendations.


She certainly needs help, there's no disputing that. Doesn't mean I have to live in misery and LO has to be unsafe while she gets it though.

Im so confused as to when you even went to court?

Startingagainagain

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Im so confused as to when you even went to court?

Original hearing in December 2013 just after the children were removed.
Final hearing starting next week.

Confusedandneedhelp

Startingagainagain wrote: »

Original hearing in December 2013 just after the children were removed.
Final hearing starting next week.

Why are you there?

this is the Ex wife's cort case, not yours.

I think we need a clear breakdown of events.

Dec 2013 dsd comes to live with you:
Jan:
Feb:
March:
April:
May:
June:
July:

Startingagainagain

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

The family court do not open investigations, it is the job of social socervices, ie the local authority (your city/town/county council)

They had an emergency protection order. Thy clearly felt your OH was suitable

Have you read section 47?

I think you've been told some worst case scenarios. They need to get an emergency protection order.

I'm sure they have given me the worst case! SS and the court have worked very closely together on this and it just happened to be DSD's guardian that told me this - the info came from the LA.


Anyway, regardless, DSD won't be living with DS and me which is something the LA and CAFCASS support.