My Husband Doesn't Understand that I Need Space

victory

lostinrates wrote: »

Funnily enough, as soon as I know I can have that release valve......I often don't need it. That he knows and willingly gives it with out taking it personally is sufficient often. Other times, I just take a nap anyway, I always need a nap!

This line here so reminds me of the show 'Sex and the City' where Carrie was really struggling with her boyfriend who had moved in and the second she got through the door he would ask 'who did you see, wher did you go, what has been happening (or something along those lines, die hard fans will correct me:D) and she was been driven crazy by it, she just wanted a moment, so she asked for it, went into another room , drew the curtain and then she agreed that 'once her needs were met all of a sudden she no longer needed quiet time, to be alone, she asked, he gave , she no longer needed it:D

victory

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KixykS4M4Zg

found it

seven-day-weekend

I have a friend who does not understand that his wife sometimes needs space. They have been married for nearly fifty years, he apparently has always been the same - he loves her, she loves him, they are husband and wife, so if she needs to spend time without him if they are in the house together it must be that she doesn't love him any more.

Having said that, he does not barricade the doors so that she can't get out!

Has the OP talked to her husband about this or has she just stomped off I wonder?

paddy's_mum

This is when having a dog is so worthwhile.

I can't remember how many arguments or upsets have been avoided in my life simply because I could always take the dog for a walk and calm down.

Could the OP perhaps find a neighbour's dog who would welcome going out for walkies now and then?

jaylee3

shegirl wrote: »

I'd imagine the poor bloke is wondering why you are behaving the way you are!


He probably started by going into the room you were in to talk to you/spend time with you - you are his wife afterall!, then pottered after you and ended up wondering what on earth you were doing.


Maybe you should speak to the poor bloke instead of treating him like this?

This ^^^ Why are you not talking to him and explaining the problem? I know some people can be overbearing and suffocating. I have had it myself in relationships, but he won't know if you don't tell him.

166million

HPoirot wrote: »

If you are blocking the door just so he won't be near you then it really is a real low. How would you like to be treated like that?

Weird notion of a relationship to be honest.

I agree with this ^ :eek::(

makes me feel sad for you both

azzabazza

Fredula wrote: »

I ate my tea in my Mum's living room and came upstairs to just be on my own for a bit. 20 mins later, he comes up wanting to come in the bedroom. I literally sat in front of the door so he couldn't come in. He was on the other side saying 'this is a new low'... yes, it really is.

I've told him I need space. Why doesn't he get it?! What can I do to make it more obvious? Is it just me who has this issue?

It would appear from your post that perhaps you are staying with your Mum at the moment. If that is the case your OH maybe does not feel relaxed in someone else's home. Just a thought.

getmore4less

This bit...

Fredula wrote: »

I ate my tea in my Mum's living room and came upstairs to just be on my own for a bit.

Are you sharing with your mum?

Is there any space anywhere?

It is bright late & warm get out of the house not sulk in a corner.

Guys don't need space like women seem to.

Blow him give him £20 and send him to the pub, that will give you some space.

[Deleted User]

You cannot just say "I need some space" without building some reasons into it; or your bloke will not understand

"I love you, but I'm tired and I just want some time to myself for a bit. This isn't anything you've done I just need to relax and unwind on my own"

Try some version of that. Unless it is his fault that you need to unwind, in which you need to tell him what he's done wrong

Pollycat

getmore4less wrote: »

Blow him give him £20 and send him to the pub, that will give you some space.

If I did this to my OH, I'd want him to give me £20 and I'd go to the pub.

Sorry for lowering the tone, I'll delete it if anyone objects.