My Husband Doesn't Understand that I Need Space

Fredula

As the title says, my husband doesn't understand that I need space.

Last Sunday, I went from room, to room, to garden, to more rooms, and every time I changed rooms, he followed me. I ended up doing it purposely just to get away from him, only to be followed. I ended up locking myself in the bathroom for a bit because it's the only place I can go with a lock.

Tonight I was very stressed (house buying stuff - and the kiddy winkle kicked off at bed time) and I just needed to get away from hubby because I was annoyed with him that he'd left all of our mortgage documents, ID, proof of address etc in the car whilst it was at the garage getting fixed. I ate my tea in my Mum's living room and came upstairs to just be on my own for a bit. 20 mins later, he comes up wanting to come in the bedroom. I literally sat in front of the door so he couldn't come in. He was on the other side saying 'this is a new low'... yes, it really is.

I've told him I need space. Why doesn't he get it?! What can I do to make it more obvious? Is it just me who has this issue?

lika_86

Is this a new habit of his? Why is he following you? Is he worried? Bored?

I'm not sure 'space' is the best way to put it to be honest, it sounds like you're annoyed with him (you might be but that's not the point) and he's trying to work out what's wrong. Have you tried saying something along the lines of 'I'm just going to go and read in the bedroom/have a little lie down for 45 minutes as I need a bit of quiet time, it's been a long day'? How would he respond to that? Maybe even add something along the lines of 'after that maybe we could watch X on TV?'.

Indie_Kid

Have you actually told him you need space? Or are you assuming he's a mind reader and knows what you want?

ska_lover

He's probably wondering what is going on - he's not a mind reader

I agree with Lika, tell him you are going into another room, alone. Nowt wrong with that

Georgiegirl256

How strange. It sounds like you don't want to be anywhere near him and are running away from the poor bloke.

Have you even mentioned that you'd like some alone time? I'm guessing he's not a mind reader?

Have you posted about this before? It seems very familiar.

arbroath_lass

Poor bloke, he forgot to take some stuff out of the car and now you're not talking to him. Not just that but you can't bear to be in the same room as him.


Talk to the man, tell him WHY you're stressed. Don't shut him out, it is very hurtful.


Then do as Lika says.

shegirl

I'd imagine the poor bloke is wondering why you are behaving the way you are!


He probably started by going into the room you were in to talk to you/spend time with you - you are his wife afterall!, then pottered after you and ended up wondering what on earth you were doing.


Maybe you should speak to the poor bloke instead of treating him like this?

balletshoes

Fredula wrote: »

I've told him I need space. Why doesn't he get it?! What can I do to make it more obvious? Is it just me who has this issue?

lika_86 wrote: »

Have you tried saying something along the lines of 'I'm just going to go and read in the bedroom/have a little lie down for 45 minutes as I need a bit of quiet time, it's been a long day'?

lika has answered your question perfectly I think.

Thats what I say if I need some alone time. As long as you're happy to spend time in the same room being company with each other most of the time, I don't see anything wrong with that - but if you just disappear without saying something along the lines of lika's reply above, I'm not surprised your OH comes looking for you - he might be thinking you're in the huff with him.

HPoirot

If you are blocking the door just so he won't be near you then it really is a real low. How would you like to be treated like that?

Weird notion of a relationship to be honest.

Gingernutty

balletshoes wrote: »

lika has answered your question perfectly I think.

Thats what I say if I need some alone time. As long as you're happy to spend time in the same room being company with each other most of the time, I don't see anything wrong with that - but if you just disappear without saying something along the lines of lika's reply above, I'm not surprised your OH comes looking for you - he might be thinking you're in the huff with him.

I think she is in a huff with him.

I'd be annoyed too - personal documents left in a car which you've had to give people (mechanics) access to? Idiot.

However, running away in a huff isn't helping.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Oh, god, I remember that feeling so well.

It's like being chased around by a three year old going 'Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!' constantly. Perfectly acceptable (albeit wearing) from somebody under three foot tall, but not from a grown adult. Mind you, I wasn't allowed to go to the shop in case I got abducted or had a quick bunk up with a complete stranger behind the Monster Munch display, either.


It's not normal to have to be in the same room all the time, anymore than it is to be separate permanently. And certainly not if you have to lock the bathroom door to prevent somebody coming in after you.


I sympathise completely.