My Husband Doesn't Understand that I Need Space

January20

I agree with JoJo. This is the behaviours of a 3 year old! How annoying for you!

Since you have a child that will require an adult at home and your husband seems unable to understand you need some time alone, can't you go out for a walk for a bit? That might even be more fun than to be in another room?

FWIW I totally understand your need to be alone. Sometimes it's being alone to think and calm down or stay and have a massive argument.

And when when you are calm can you explain again to him your need for space? And the consequences of him following around? He does sound like an insecure man or a man who doesn't understand we all deal with stress in our own way!

bagpussbear

How specific have you been when you have told him you need to have a bit of time to yourself? Say,' I'd like to have an hour upstairs to myself, see you a bit later'. If not, he is not psychic.

I like to have a bit of quiet time, I have a very stressful job and sometimes just need a few minutes of silence or 'me time' when I get home, and just say to my hubby that I'm going to "switch off for a bit" usually I put my headphones on or go upstairs for a bit if I need space. He understands that and leaves me alone for a bit, so I recharge my batteries.

I don't see the husband as being childish or needy as such, he might just really love being in your company :-) but obviously it's a bit too much for you so you need to be more specific about your time to yourself, in my humble opinion.

This doesn't need to become an issue OP, just tell him you need a little quiet time to yourself each day.

FBaby

This would freak me out, I found it hard to cope with with my kids, let alone with a partner. What I would question though is that if he follows you everywhere, does he have so much time without the need to do something? Is he bored, can't be bothered?

As everyone say though, if you want to work it out, you'll have to tackle it different. If you want him to act as an adult, you'll need to treat him like one too. That starts with an adult to adult conversation.

pinkshoes

He's a bloke.

You need to actually talk to him and explain you'd like some quiet time.

Sitting against tbe door is childish and ridiculous.

Pollycat

lika_86 wrote: »

Is this a new habit of his? Why is he following you? Is he worried? Bored?

I'd also ask you if this is something he's just started doing or if he's always done it.

If he's always done it has it always bothered you or has it just started to bother you?

May he's also stressed out with house-buying stuff and wants to talk to you or maybe he just wants reassurance that everything will be OK.

If he annoyed you about leaving documents in the car (I'd be a bit annoyed too) it would have been more grown-up to tell him so face-to-face instead of skulking off into your - shared - bedroom.

Maybe he didn't want to sit downstairs with your Mum on his own.

Not all men can understand what women are thinking and feeling.
I think you need to have a talk with him, explain how you need (and want) to have a little bit of 'me' time and at the same time try to find out if he has anything on his mind.

Alias_Omega

Sounds more of a vent post than anything else.

A little time on your own is good sometimes, when tired or i have had a stressful/complicated/busy day at work, i need some time on my own. Some time to just chill and watch tv, sometimes no unessential conversations and not being used as a human trampoline by the children.

Even if its laying in the garden watching Peppa Pig on my phone Mrs AO..

victory

pinkshoes wrote: »

He's a bloke.

You need to actually talk to him and explain you'd like some quiet time.

Sitting against tbe door is childish and ridiculous.

I have to agree, baracading (sp) yourself in is totally over the top unless there is more to this and he scares you? Has he hit you? Does he have a temper and you fear him?

If not then the communication within the relationship is bonkers:eek: why can you not just ask him can he give you a minute?

I can imagine from room to room it is very annoying but you could have said what you needed or if it was really that bad gone out for a lovely walk for a bit, not refused to let him into his own bedroom, too much. What about what he needs or is it just about what you need?

lostinrates

DH never needs time alone from me. I do occasionally want a little time to myself to .....mull, breath, rest, recover!

The way to do it, IMO, is not to sulk of and barricade, its to woman up and say

'Darling, I just need twenty minutes quiet time'

Iirc you have a child so its a really good way to broach it because you can ask him to do something with your child or say, you want a quiet bath, and can he watch you child for half an hour or so while you just go and have some silent time.

This sort of thing works brilliantly in our situation.

If I were to just disappear I think my husband would be worried, hurt, confused and very concerned. As it is he knows I just need time to breathe, I'm different to him, and I have other stuff going on too, so normally I go to our bedroom.

He sometimes plays his sax, sometimes he takes the dogs for walk, sometimes does something else.....but he doesn't intrude.

Funnily enough, as soon as I know I can have that release valve......I often don't need it. That he knows and willingly gives it with out taking it personally is sufficient often. Other times, I just take a nap anyway, I always need a nap!

stir_crazy

Really? You sat in front of the door and wouldnt let him in? How childish. Why not just tell him how you're feeling and that you need a bit of time to yourself? You do realise that communication is a big part of being in a relationship?

sharnad

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Oh, god, I remember that feeling so well.

It's like being chased around by a three year old going 'Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!' constantly. Perfectly acceptable (albeit wearing) from somebody under three foot tall, but not from a grown adult. Mind you, I wasn't allowed to go to the shop in case I got abducted or had a quick bunk up with a complete stranger behind the Monster Munch display, either.


It's not normal to have to be in the same room all the time, anymore than it is to be separate permanently. And certainly not if you have to lock the bathroom door to prevent somebody coming in after you.


I sympathise completely.

Yi think it depends on the situation if hes normally possessive then its wrong but if shes just not speaking to him, hes trying to find out whats wrong and she hasnt said then I can understand.
If she is acting like an adult then she will say she needs some alone time