Taking almost-4-year-old to a funeral/cremation?

MadDogWoman_2

When my SIL died last year, DH and I had a conversation whilst she was ill about what to do about the funeral. We decided the following (with his brother's agreement)

1. She wouldn't wear all black, she wore a dress covered in poppies
2. She was allowed to put two flowers of her choice on top of the coffin before it entered the church, they also went into the grave.
3. I arranged for a friend to come with us to keep an eye on her in case she got distressed at other people being upset, especially her dad.
4. She didn't attend the burial, we went to a local shop and I bought her a cuddly toy so she had good memories of the day.

There was never any pressure on her to be any other than herself, she understood that she was there to say goodbye to her aunt.

My DD was 5 almost 6 at the time.

notanewuser

Sorry, been away.

We didn't go to the crematorium - none of the little ones did.
Everyone had been asked not to wear black, which was lovely. The girls had party dresses on, but understood we were saying goodbye to great grandma.
The kids weren't expected to be quiet during the church service, but opted to play in the vestibule quietly instead. We mums went with them so their dad's were in the service. Service was really lovely and truly a celebration. I didn't see a single tear!
There was tea and cake for non-relatives and then the family sat together for a while to talk and have a bite to eat together. This was particularly lovely.

It all went rather well, although one SIL (one of the religious ones)regretted taking her kids as she couldn't take part in the service as they were playing.

Morglin

I wouldn't take a pre schooler to any funeral, senior school age is young enough, but some people may see it differently.

Lin

meritaten

I don't disapprove of taking the children per se. if the OP had known and posted what actually took place I would have said 'by all means take her'. But, I have been to funerals which would have been totally unsuitable for very young children to attend. this one sounds as if it was a beautiful service, just wish they all were! Thanks for the update!

sharnad

notanewuser wrote: »

Sorry, been away.

We didn't go to the crematorium - none of the little ones did.
Everyone had been asked not to wear black, which was lovely. The girls had party dresses on, but understood we were saying goodbye to great grandma.
The kids weren't expected to be quiet during the church service, but opted to play in the vestibule quietly instead. We mums went with them so their dad's were in the service. Service was really lovely and truly a celebration. I didn't see a single tear!
There was tea and cake for non-relatives and then the family sat together for a while to talk and have a bite to eat together. This was particularly lovely.

It all went rather well, although one SIL (one of the religious ones)regretted taking her kids as she couldn't take part in the service as they were playing.

coudont someone have looked after themy for her

notanewuser

sharnad wrote: »

coudont someone have looked after themy for her

Like who? We were all at the funeral as well!!

Mojisola

notanewuser wrote: »

Like who? We were all at the funeral as well!!

I often had kids playing with mine and managed to look after them all.

If there were several Mums with their children in a group, a couple more wouldn't have been a problem, would they?

notanewuser

Mojisola wrote: »

I often had kids playing with mine and managed to look after them all.

If there were several Mums with their children in a group, a couple more wouldn't have been a problem, would they?

Well yes. My other SIL and I were with the children, so would have been 5 3 and unders with 2 adults. It was SIL's choice to be in the vestibule with us, she didn't have to be (but keeping that number amused and quiet would have been quite a challenge for just 2 of us.)

sharnad

notanewuser wrote: »

Like who? We were all at the funeral as well!!

Sorry I thought that some of the mams waited outside the service to play with the kids

notanewuser

sharnad wrote: »

Sorry I thought that some of the mams waited outside the service to play with the kids

No. We were all in the service with the kids, but moved to the vestibule (open glass door) when the kids got restless.