Taking almost-4-year-old to a funeral/cremation?

GlamGirlie

notanewuser wrote: »

Just interested in folks' views.

One of DH's grandparents died last night, so we'll be heading up there for the funeral/cremation/wake in the next week or so.

Instinctively I don't think DD should be at the funeral or cremation - this isn't a relative she has a close relationship with and she's at an age where she doesn't quite understand her emotional response to things.

DH gets that, but still thinks she should be there.

I've no issue with her going to the wake.

Because the whole family will be at the funeral her not going to the services means me not going either. I obviously want to support DH, but he'll also have his brothers and parents there. I don't know whether any of the other children will be going or not (they're all younger).

This is all taking place 300 miles from where we live, so leaving DD at home isn't an option, as we'll be there for a few days.

So, what have you done/would you do?

I'd leave her with a neigbour of the deceased, that way the child will be local to where you are. Alternatively a kids club or similar in the town.

notanewuser

GlamGirlie wrote: »

I'd leave her with a neigbour of the deceased, that way the child will be local to where you are. Alternatively a kids club or similar in the town.

You'd leave a small child with a total stranger or somewhere she'd never been before?

Nicki

notanewuser wrote: »

You'd leave a small child with a total stranger or somewhere she'd never been before?

But you would leave her in a car unattended for long periods of time if she was asleep (and have done so more than once).

What's the qualitative difference? She's in fact safer with an adult whose name and address you know and who would presumably have your mobile number and be able to contact you than she would be all on her own in a car, when she could open the door and wander off with anyone (or just get lost or run over)!

notanewuser

Nicki wrote: »

But you would leave her in a car unattended for long periods of time if she was asleep (and have done so more than once).

What's the qualitative difference? She's in fact safer with an adult whose name and address you know and who would presumably have your mobile number and be able to contact you than she would be all on her own in a car, when she could open the door and wander off with anyone (or just get lost or run over)!

:hello: Your selective reading strikes again.

Not that it's anything to do with this, but DD was left in a car, for fewer than 20 minutes a time, fewer than 5 times below the age of 1. Know many babies that can escape their baby seat and open the doors of a 4x4, do you? Besides which, she was on my private driveway with no passing traffic, where I could see and hear her (thanks to the baby monitor and this miraculous invention called glass).

I have not and would not ever leave her alone with a total stranger, that neither I, her father nor more importantly she, has ever met, in a house/building she's never been to 300 miles from home.

And anyway, as it happened, it all worked out rather nicely.

Short version:

jaylee3

Oooo, I HATE it when people throw stuff in your face from the past!

notanewuser

jaylee3 wrote: »

Oooo, I HATE it when people throw stuff in your face from the past!

I wouldn't mind one bit if her recollection was ever right.

Bit worrying, given her profession!

Nicki

Didn't you say you left your child in the car because it was safer because she would otherwise climb out of the cot and hurt herself? In a discussion about leaving toddlers in the car? Lol. Not exactly a newborn left in a car seat!

As for dragging things up from the past, I believe the thread we are discussing is younger than this one

I wouldn't leave my 3 year old with a stranger either but the faux outrage and snide dig at the suggestion was out of place when you were posting vociferously only days ago about being happy to leave your younger baby unattended in the car.

jaylee3

It just makes me cringe Nicki, and makes me quite mad when someone drags something up from the past that someone has said, to support their argument, and to (possibly) make the other person feel a bit bad about themselves. I just think it's a bit low.

notanewuser

Nicki wrote: »

Didn't you say you left your child in the car because it was safer because she would otherwise climb out of the cot and hurt herself? In a discussion about leaving toddlers in the car? Lol. Not exactly a newborn left in a car seat!

As for dragging things up from the past, I believe the thread we are discussing is younger than this one

I wouldn't leave my 3 year old with a stranger either but the faux outrage and snide dig at the suggestion was out of place when you were posting vociferously only days ago about being happy to leave your younger baby unattended in the car.

By all means, go back and read it again.

There was a suggestion on the other thread that a child would be safer in their cot. I pointed out this wasn't always the case with a personal example. At no point did I say that I'd left DD in the car rather than her cot: a) she never took naps in her cot and b) I didn't leave her in the car beyond her first birthday (and very rarely before that).

Another poster revived this thread with a suggestion that amazed me - no outrage, faux or otherwise.

wik

at my darling mums funeral 3 years ago a very dear friend of family came with his 3 year old... and yes he ran around a bit, but i have to say that he made us all smile I dont see any problem of little ones at a funeral.. 22 years ago at my nannas funeral, my then 2 year old neice had us all giggling with her dancing to hymes during the service.. funerals do not need to be all sadness IMO
wik xx