Taking almost-4-year-old to a funeral/cremation?

snowleopard61

Buzby wrote: »

I'm told I shouted 'Peek-a-boo grandma' in church when the cover came off the coffin (I was 4) as she always played that game with me. It was neither inappropriate or unwelcome.

That's lovely!

notanewuser

Bakers_Dozen wrote: »

Sorry to ask this here but what do the acronyms DD and DH mean? I've saw them several times on here and have no idea what they mean :search:

Dear Daughter, Dear Husband

notanewuser

Bakers_Dozen wrote: »

No offence to you, but there is better ways of getting a child to say goodbye than making them endure something which could cause emotional scarring. Say for example writing a letter and attaching it to a helium balloon and sending it up to heaven. That is what i would do if it was my kid.

We don't do heaven, but I agree that we should do something.

globetraveller

Go with your husband but dont go to the service. You will then be supporting him before and after,especially as he is there for up to a week. Your daughter would also get the chance to meet other family members.

notanewuser

globetraveller wrote: »

Go with your husband but dont go to the service. You will then be supporting him before and after,especially as he is there for up to a week. Your daughter would also get the chance to meet other family members.

That's what I was thinking. We'd go, DH would go to the funeral and cremation and then we'd meet them at the wake.

I don't want to hide anything from DD, but she's only 3 and there are some things I think could do more harm than good.

If it were my grandmother it would be a little different. DD has a close relationship with her, and I will be absolutely devastated when she dies (am welling up just thinking of it). I still wouldn't want her at the crematorium though, and I doubt very much that my nan wants a religious service.

Good to get a range of views though.

Mojisola

globetraveller wrote: »

Go with your husband but dont go to the service. You will then be supporting him before and after,especially as he is there for up to a week. Your daughter would also get the chance to meet other family members.

I was really glad that younger family members were brought to Mum and Dad's wakes. It was lovely for all the generations to spend time together.

Some of the younger ones were brought to the service but they are regular church-goers so are used to sitting quietly in a congregation.

scotnan

If the other cousins are young too then it's possible their parents are having the same dilema as you about whether to take them or not so why not contact the parents and say that you would be happy to volunteer, along with one/or more of the other set of parents (obviously one of the inlaws, not the direct related parent) to take all the children somewhere for the duration of the service itself, maybe a nearby park, playbarn and bring them all along to the wake afterwards.

notanewuser

scotnan wrote: »

If the other cousins are young too then it's possible their parents are having the same dilemma as you about whether to take them or not so why not contact the parents and say that you would be happy to volunteer, along with one/or more of the other set of parents (obviously one of the inlaws, not the direct related parent) to take all the children somewhere for the duration of the service itself, maybe a nearby park, playbarn and bring them all along to the wake afterwards.

Have spoken with one and she wants hers to attend. Will speak to the other later.

snowleopard61

notanewuser wrote: »

I don't want to hide anything from DD, but she's only 3 and there are some things I think could do more harm than good.

Just by the by, I wouldn't have taken mine to every funeral I attended. For instance, one of my contemporaries, the mother of one of my daughter's friends, died of leukaemia after we had moved away from the area, and I went myself but minus the children. This was partly because I felt it was about the children (then only 5 and 8) of the friend who had died, not about my children - but also because while I felt it reasonable they should learn that elderly people do die, I didn't want them to get unduly hung up on the fact that some younger people do so as well. They knew it had happened to the other mum, but I didn't want to rub it in.

onlyroz

I took my son to a funeral when he was a baby, but decided not to take the kids to my father-in-law's funeral when they were aged 2 and 6. I think that at that intermediate age where they are old enough to ask awkward questions but not yet really old enough to fully understand what's going on it might be best to keep them away. In my case I let my parents take the kids for a walk during the service and then they all came along to the wake afterwards.