is this true

thorsoak

My only daughter had her first baby (and our first grandchild) when they were ex-pats overseas. I had offered to go over there to be with them at the time she was due, but they both said no, they wanted to get to know their baby first - and so we went out there when he was 2 weeks old. SIL phoned us as soon as he was born - and that in itself had a wierd twist to it - they were 6+ hours ahead of UK time, so we were informed at 10.45pm on the 15th, that J had been born at 4.40 am on the 16th ....so I suppose you could say that we were informed in advance!

Personally, OP, I would consider that it is their baby, let them get to know each other first - and try and curb the negative feelings about the SIL ....they can become very invasive and destructive of a family relationship - he is your daughter's choice after all!

newcook

One of my friends recently had a baby – her husband phoned parents after the baby was born to let them know.
They said it wasn’t to spite anyone – they wanted this special occasion of their first born child to be just them (well, and the hospital staff!). they didn’t want anyone trying to get in at the hospital and getting under the nurses feet or them tying up the phone lines after updates etc.
Also so that by the time the parents had got to the hospital, she’d had enough time to get her knickers back on and run a brush through her hair (her words, not mine!)!!

To be honest, it doesn’t matter if its ‘what people do these days’ or not – its up to the individuals as to what they want.

DevilsAdvocate1

julie88 wrote: »

no i certainly wouldnt go to the hospital or keep on phoning all we want is a quick call to let us know the labour has started and later on a call about the happy event!!
we live some way from the hospital and i hope to see them maybe a day or 2 later

My children are 16, 13 and 9 and I didn't ring anyone when I went into labour other than the person who was looking after my other children. With my first it didn't occur to me to ring my parents. Mind, I went into labour at 2am and had him at 9:45am. Don't think they would have appreciated a call at 2am!

I rang them a couple of hours after the baby was born as that was the earliest I could get to a payphone - most people didn't have mobiles then.

I do think its odd not to even contact you for a day after the baby is born though. I couldn't wait to share the news.

fabforty

julie88 wrote: »

my daughter is due to have a baby in the next week or 2 i asked her to let me know when she goes in
she told me i will ring you the day after i have the baby we think this is her husbands idea and she is going with this he is very controling and does not like us my husband says this is a way to get at us
my daughter said this is the done thing now people dont tell parents or freinds or anyone when they go into hospital its all secret thats why she wont let me know anything
she also says staff at the hospital told her that they advised her not to let freinds and family know either
i dont know what to think

I don't think it matters whether it is the 'done thing' or not, the important thing is that she has decided to this. Hospitals are not prisons and she is free to tell the world that she is in labour if she wants to - she is choosing not to. You might have to just accept her decision, and try not to let it sour the occasion. She might change her mind when the time comes. FWIW when DD was born, we didn't tell anyone until after she was born - I didn't want a repeat of my labour with DS three years earlier with the constant calls and texts for 'updates'.

skintchick

I think that when she says next day she is thinking she will give birth overnight as the majority of women do, and she means in the morning rather than at 3am.

I did ring my mum and tell her I was in labour, but I knew she wouldn;t harrass me for any more detail till I called her; also remember your daughter is very pregnant and hormonal and not necessarily thinking straight.

Try not to take it to heart.

Morglin

My daughter phoned me when she went in, SIL phoned periodically to keep me informed, and then when the babe had arrived.:beer:

What I seriously don't get is this idea of loads of the family being in the delivery room...er, nooooo:eek::eek:

But, everyone does it their own way.

Lin

Crabapple

Got to agree with a lot of the others here, it may well be her wishes and she's trying to make it more important by saying that it is hospital policy, perhaps wary that some people will ignore her otherwise!

I didn't want anyone to know when we were going into hospital to have my first. My husband rang my mum and his mum anyway! I was more concerned that it could be a while and they would be worrying. I knew neither would turn up at the hospital without invitation or ring them or us hassling for news.

I was on the phone to my mum about 3/4 hour after I had my little girl. She answered after one ring even though it was 3.30am:rotfl:

My second I didn't have a choice as my parents had to come look after my eldest.

One thing I'm still annoyed about though was SIL put a status up on facebook congratulating us before we'd had time to let people know ourselves. I had my setting so it didn't go on my wall even though she'd tagged me, but hubby didn't. At least we hadn't told her the name!

DigForVictory

For a first child? It might be nice to know, but since first babies can take Ages, spare yourself worry & ask only to know what she's had, how heavy & long (in Imperial?!), at a reasonable time before noon & before they post it on social media?

I told my parents when I was going in, mostly as they were part of the keep-the-home-fires-burning-&-other-children-fed-&-watered plans.

My cousin, orphaned by time & fate, leans on my parents as surrogate parents. When his missus was expecting, he planned to let them know pretty much Everything. It turned out they went in, had the elective cesarian & then posted on facebook that the baby had arrived when they were all home. (I think that's what caught mum on the raw - the longed for grandchild (albeit her sister's), told to the world by facebook. So she learned about it by gossip from a machine, not the phonecall she'd fantasised.)

pollypenny

DS phoned us on both occasions when DIL started her labour, the second time at 2am!

We were on pins all day with number 1, but only had time to go back off to sleep, when he phoned again to say number 2 had arrived.

Actually with first, he text 'born. put your computer on'. And was little one!

I don't understand this crowds in the room. On the other hand, 43 years ago, I was left all on my own, the registrar having persuaded OH to go home, in a all lads together way! Baby born, with forceps at 6.45 am OH late for normal visiting time, 7.45 pm !

Filey

[QUOTE=pollypenny;
I don't understand this crowds in the room. On the other hand, 43 years ago, I was left all on my own, the registrar having persuaded OH to go home, in a all lads together way! Baby born, with forceps at 6.45 am OH late for normal visiting time, 7.45 pm ![/QUOTE]

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Nor me Penny ! ! !

It's like a performance, a production. Well it is a production in a way of course. But I would have hated to have assorted people in the room. As it was, nearly half a century ago (gosh) it was for three of my babies just me and the midwife, and for the fourth a doctor was present even though he was supposed to have gone home by then, because he really enjoyed delivering babies (he said). Can't even remember where my husband was - at home in bed probably.

Just phoned my then husband (now my ex, with whom I am still on good terms) to ask if he remembered any of our four children's births. After a certain amount of head scratching and prompting from me he did recall them but points out that he would have been at work at the time, and only got to hear about it afterwards. In those days it was women's work, having babies.

Fathers, if present at all, were said to be pacing up and down in the corridor, ready to hand out the celebratory cigars to passers by.

How things have changed! Or not. Reading about the births of some Tudor and earlier royal 'confinements', an official had to be present to certify that the emerging baby was actually the genuine article of royal descent, and not a last minute substitution.